There is always a cause and effect for our actions. The cause of a breakup may be from a lot of reasons, and these reasons help us understand how we may feel about moving on, from our once loved ones.
So what are then, the effects of our actions? How does the dumper feel after a month?
The dumper, after a month, feels either elation or regret. It completely depends on how real the relationship was. If the relationship was real and both partners have put in the effort then there will be regret. On the other hand, no effort or abuse leads to a very happy dumper.
The end of any good relationship has a serious emotional impact on both the partners involved. Whether the dumper or the dumpee, there is always an immediate regret and sadness.
However, the scene will be very different in a month. And the emotions that stay with you are either regret of losing a good relationship or gratitude of getting out of a bad one.
Hence, the reason for the break-up is linked to how the dumper feels after a month has gone by.
Let us look at a few of the reasons for break-up and how the dumper feels about them
Reasons For The Break-Up And Their Effect On The Dumper
We explore a few of the reasons a break-up happens and the effect these reasons have on the dumper over a month.
Not Into A Serious Commitment
If the reason for the breakup is due to the dumper not being willing to commit to a serious relationship then, in a month he is to surely regret the break-up if his partner was good for him.
If the dumper, broke up as the dumpee did not feel any need for a serious commitment then, they may feel good in a month, as after the hurt from the break-up fades a bit, he/she realize how their outlook on life was different, which causes relief from realizing it early and moving on.
Was In A Toxic Relationship
If the reason for the breakup was that the dumper did not feel safe or the relationship was causing mental trauma then the dumper has only the feeling of relief at the month’s end.
Toxic relationships are very hard to get out of, and if you have taken the courage to take that step to move forward, then there is no need to feel guilt or sadness over it.
Remember that any relationship should be about feeling safe and you as a dumper do not need to validate your action.
Gave Him/Her Up For Someone Else
If the reason for the breakup was due to him/her giving up on the relationship due to attraction towards someone else, especially if it was a lapse in judgment the dumper will surely regret it after a month’s end.
So a dumper who has dumped the relationship due to infidelity is surely to regret the decision as they realize how they lost someone real in their lives.
In such cases, the dumper will try and reconnect, and then the decision will up to the dumpee.
Let Her/Him Go Because Of A Flaw
If the reason for the dumper to break up is due to a flaw in the dumpee, then at the end of the month, the dumper is surely to feel regret. Our flaws make us unique and no one is perfect.
Regret will follow if you dumped that girl/guy over something petty when in fact, they were kind and supportive of your flaws. Believe me, everyone has one.
Life Goals Not Aligned
If the reason for the breakup was due to unforeseen circumstances, like someone had to move to a different city and opting for a long-distance relationship was not on the table.
In such cases, the dumper in a month’s time will regret if he truly had feelings or he regrets the decision taken due to the unforeseen situation.
However, if the relationship was not that serious then the dumper is very less likely to feel any remorse. He would move on pretty quickly and so it is very important to ask the question, “How serious/real was this?” to assess how the dumper must be feeling.
Taking Things For Granted
If the reason for the break-up was due to the dumpee taking things for granted then the dumper at the month’s end may feel free or even relief.
Relationships are a two-way street and when you are taken for granted, the effort starts to get pretty one-sided. The breakup generally follows when one partner is unable or tired of being the only one contributing.
Thus the dumper in such cases generally is relieved, sometimes happy after the initial sadness passes by in the month’s time.
Different reasons will cause different feelings in the dumper at the month’s end since the breakup. These feelings depend upon the time passed since the break-up.
Though the dumper and the dumpee go through similar experiences, there is a key difference. The dumpee is at the receiving end whereas the dumper initiates.
Hence the dumper is always one step ahead of processing things, by the time the dumpee is told that the relationship is over the dumper has already accepted it and moved on.
This key difference leads the dumper to have a different post-breakup experience and these phases determine his feelings in the coming month.
The Post-Breakup Phases For The Dumper
The post-break-up phase for a dumper is relevant as his feeling towards the relationship is mostly displayed through these phases. Each phase is an indicator of his next steps. Reconciliation or not, these phases may help you understand where you stand.
Once the breakup dread has passed the dumper feels empowered or relieved that the uncomfortable situation bothering them has now passed. A breakup is stressful so getting past that situation brings relief.
This phase may last up to a few weeks or forever depending on the seriousness of the relationship. This phase is mostly for the dumper to go solo or look for a relationship again.
The dumper is mostly too occupied to give the dumpee any thought and any form of contact is generally out of guilt and not to reconcile.
After the dumper moves on, in the next phase he may be comparing his new life to the prior one. The distress sets in when his prior life was better than his current one.
The dumper may be in a new relationship or single, the disparity between his current life and the previous one will constantly bother him if he thinks life with his ex was much more fulfilling.
In this phase, we see the initial contact with the ex. The purpose is to create an initial contact hoping to keep the ex around or maintain a cordial friendship with her.
The time for this can be in a month or a few months since the breakup.
As time goes by, the dumper reflects on the positives of his previous relationship. There is a favorable impression that the dumper has of the dumpee, maybe he wants to get back and reconcile.
The decision now lies with the dumpee, if you feel that the relationship deserves another chance then go for it. None of us are perfect and if you think it is worth your time and energy then don’t shy away.
However, for the dumper, the last stage is all about reconciliation or moving on. If the dumpee is not willing to go for another try then the dumper has to accept it and move on.
As a dumper, if things do not work out my advice is to search for someone new. As a dumpee, if you are not sure about your options, branch out to other options.
Reconciliation works only with absolute certainty and trust between partners if you don’t feel so do not commit.
A Message To The Dumpee
The stages of grief that you will go through are mostly denial, in the beginning, followed by depression or anxiety, and finally, after all of this has passed there is the recovery stage.
If you have recently broken up with your partner the hurt is much more than the comfort. You may be confused as to why you did not see the signs earlier. Do not overthink it, your life is your own and unfortunately, not every relationship is a happily-ever-after.
Once you are no longer in denial, the anxiety sets in. “Is it my fault?”, “Was I not good enough?” can be questions you constantly ask yourself but you need to know there is nothing wrong with you. If your ex did not value your efforts to be in his/her life then you need to remove yourself from having these thoughts.
Once you start to accept your new identity, things will get much easier. Thoughts of your ex will still be there but you will turn this pain into motivation for achieving better in your life. Flaws in your ex will be much more apparent, and the reasons for not being in the relationship will become more and more clear.
Going through all of these emotions will be overwhelming at times but you are on the right track to getting back to your life. You just need the right reasons to forget the past and focus on the present.
In The End
The dumper feels either regret or elation after a month since the break-up. His feelings will be directly related to the efforts the dumpee put in while they were in a relationship.
If the dumpee has put in the effort then chances are that the dumper would want to reconcile at which point it is absolutely up to the dumpee to decide on how to proceed.
If the dumper even after a month feels that the relationship has added zero value to their lives or was abusive, then they would move on and so should the dumpee.
To the dumper reading this, if you feel that your ex was the one for you, do not hesitate to go for it even if it makes you vulnerable, remember there is no greater regret than “what if?”
To the dumpee reading this, if according to you, you have put in the effort then the choice is to wait or move on. If you decide to wait, set a date, and then if there is no response from your ex move on trust me you have other amazing options just waiting for you to explore.