Breakups are a painful process. Losing a person or separating from our beloved partners can cause emotional, physical, and mental stress. The subconscious starts questioning several aspects of ourselves and our partner who just decided to walk away from our lives. But I want to clarify that before, during, and immediately after breakups, dumpers do not feel terrible, sad, or heartbroken like a dumpee does. Instead, it may be just the opposite. However, this feeling of newfound freedom for the dumper is soon to take a leave because of various reasons that follow.
Now you may ask how does the dumper feel when the dumpee moves on? It is one of the most obvious questions that surface in the mind of the dumpee. Most of the time, it depends on the person and the situation he or she is dealing with. If they get themselves involved with new engagements they may feel nothing at all. But, if they are also trying to move on from their past memories, or genuinely realize that the breakup was a mistake they may feel depressed or confused respectively. In a few cases, if the dumpee has moved on and found new engagements the dumper may feel insecure and emotionally fragile or may be hurt or angry about getting replaced.
If you are wondering about how your dumper is feeling after breaking up with you, rest assured that you are on the right path to discover the truth. In this write-up, we will have an in-depth discussion about the emotions and feelings of a dumper after the breakup.
Let's See The Breakup Cycle Of A Dumper From The Beginning If They See The Dumpee Moving On
Before getting straight into the topic, I have a few things to mention for anyone reading this article.
If you are a Dumpee recovering from a tragic breakup, I feel your pain! It is not easy to deal with a separation from our beloved partners. However, this process comes with its very own set of lessons and wisdom which is ultimately important for our growth.
But, at the same time, one should remember that endless speculation about how an ex is doing after months of the breakup is still not a healthy option to carry on. Constantly trying to figure things out about an ex-partner could be mentally damaging.
It is a sincere request to everyone reading this, to focus on showering yourselves with self-love and healing.
Well, now coming straight to the stages you need to know to understand how a dumper feels when the dumpee moves on from the beginning.
- Anger: The process of breakup starts when two people are in a relationship physically but the mind starts to loiter with stress. Daily quarrels, misunderstandings, insecurities, ego, jealousy, doubts all the negative words one can think of when a relationship starts to make the base firm for an upcoming breakup. One of the two people already starts distancing themselves from the other to escape from the drama.
- Stressful mind: This stressful situation is unhealthy and no one likes it at all, be it the dumper or the dumpee. However, fighting with the other person is always easy rather than looking inside and finding faults and insecurities within us that result in fights further cursing painful stress and tension in a healthy relationship.
- The Breakup: As the situation becomes unbearable, the dumper decides to call the relationship off. No matter how painful it is sometimes, the breakup is the only solution left, if one person falls out of love with the other one. The dumpee will be in pain and sometimes the dumper as well. But, a breakup is the only way to escape from the daily drama of the relationship. The official breakup thus follows.
- Relief: The dumper has successfully broken up with the dumpee and walked away from all the stress and daily drama of a relationship. A big boulder of stress and useless fights is off his shoulder now. It is not necessary that a dumper is happy right now, but he/she is glad to walk away from the toxicity and suffocation that they may have felt in the relationship.
- Tasting freedom: As a few days or weeks pass by, the new stress-free life starts feeling good and the person loves his/her newfound freedom again. He/she finds time to evaluate their lives and connect back with old friends or do certain things that they felt restricted to do when in the relationship. This freedom away from the partnership with their ex or the dumpee feels surreal initially, especially after a long relationship.
- Newfound hobbies: A dumper after being stuck with the same person in a wrong relationship, may try to reconnect and spend time being creative and do all the things they love to. Playing, painting, reading, and just feeling new and starting a life all over again. This is still where they love to taste life with new things trying to keep themselves busy from the thought of their ex or past relationship.
- Meeting new people or dating: Some dumpers will also try to meet new people through friends or family or by attending social gatherings. Trying to step out of their old version and trying to bring in freshness in their love lives, dumpers often try to flirt and meet new people to match their tastes or simply explore new options for future endeavors.
- Confusion: In case a few dates got wrong for the dumper or maybe he/she has tasted enough of their time away from their ex-partners or the dumpee, a subtle confusion slips in from the back of their mind. This stage is often where the lingering energies of the ex-partner pop up and the dumper starts thinking about their ex!
- Nostalgia: In case, a dumper is still in the close vicinity of the dumpee or stalking him/her on social media, hearing about them from mutual friends or acquaintances, they may feel nostalgic. Watching the dumpee shine with their new self-love and radiance as the dumpee has cried their part and is now moving on, will hurt the dumper’s ego state of mind. This is exactly where a dumper starts missing their ex-partners.
- Reconnecting: The dumpee is moving on happily in their lives. Radiating from their heart, happiness, self-love, confidence, and spring in their walk. The dumper is mostly jealous and feels hurt right now. After being single for months and finding no good match after a few dates and sipping wine, he/she tries to reconnect back with the dumpee. Maybe regretting their past decision, reviewing the breakup, and missing their ex-partner, the dumper feels sad and hurt. (However, this is only the rare case when the dumpers did not make a conscious decision about their breakup in the past).
- Acceptance: The last stage is accepting. Two people no matter how good they are as individuals can be the worst match for one another. Breakups are natural and there is no bad if a dumper walks away from the dumpee. A breakup comes with a lot of wisdom for both the people involved. It is always better to accept the situation, learn your part of the lesson and move on with life.
So, by now you know how a dumper feels as they find their ex-partner moving on in their lives. However, whatever the situation may be or how tragic the breakup was in the past, we can always forgive and help each other heal from the past.
How Can A Dumpee Recover From A Breakup?
Recovering from a tragic breakup is tough. It will be not easy to navigate your way out of a breakup so easily. It takes time, effort, emotions and so much more when someone just walked out of your life, leaving you heartbroken.
Though breakups are real lessons that teach us much-needed wisdom to move forward in life, we first have to learn to deal with the situation. If your dumper has walked out of the relationship and you are done reading about how he/she may be feeling, it is time to shift the focus back to yourself.
Here are few steps to help a dumpee recover from a breakup:
- Accept the reality of your relationship: When we are talking about a dumpee who is trying to heal his/her way back to a normal happy and healthy life, they must accept the reality first. This sets the base for the next steps to work out better.
- Give yourself time to grieve: Once we accept the harsh truth about a broken relationship, it is time to give ourselves space and the ability to grieve. If we do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable and act from the ego to show the fake face of strength, it is of no help. Pent-up emotions are meant to flow out of our body and mind. This will help the dumpee to release much stress and tension from their broken heart as well.
- Walk on your track: A dumpee must remember that he/she needs to keep walking on their track and focus less on their connection with their ex! It is normal for a dumpee to try to connect back, cry or crave the attention of the dumper. A must-take step here for the dumpee is to straightaway block the dumper from all possible social media platforms and maintain no contact.
- Spend time doing things you love: A dumpee must try to connect back with themselves. Find a long-lost hobby or nudge the sleeping creative side of themselves. Spending time alone away from major distractions can help the dumpee to get more creative, reading, cycling, getting a makeover, trying new sports, or nature walks can be very healing.
- Seek support from your family, friends, or a close community: Family or friends make many difficult journeys easy and soft to journey through. A dumpee can easily seek support from their close friends and reliable family members. Healing from a breakup just gets easier with love and support from the right people.
- Find out a way to purge out your emotions: Moving on is okay, but as a dumpee heals from his/her breakup, it is very important to purge out all types of emotions. Be it anger, vulnerability, love, affection, care, hate, and a whole plethora of feelings one may have inside of them towards their beloved, it should be heard and acknowledged. Find a person you feel safe and heard with and purge out every emotion you feel. Give yourself time to heal from the loss of a beloved person from your romantic life.
How To Respond To A Dumper When They Approach A Dumpee Who Is Moving On?
Reconnection from a dumper who made an unconscious breakup decision is common. Regret and nostalgia often hit hard to dumpers who see their ex-partners or dumpee move on with newfound confidence, love, and radiance.
A dumpee may receive a message or call from their dumper saying “I miss you” or “I want to see you over coffee”. If you are someone facing the same scenario in your life, let me make it clear and loud. It Is not always wise to get back in a relationship with your ex-partner again.
There is a high chance that your ex-partner is acting from a place of nostalgia and regret in some cases. So, before your heart melts for the sweet quotes from your dumper, wait and make a wise decision. Here is how you can tackle the situation maturely.
- Have clear communication: The first step to respond to a dumper is to have straight or clear communication. Ask why they are here and willing to connect back after such a tragic breakup! Talk through clearly to understand their intentions towards you. Communicating properly is the key to understanding a person or establishing a healthy base for further conversations to follow.
- Move at your own pace: When the dumper contacts you months after the breakup, make sure to move slow. We do not want any desperation here from the dumpee. As a dumpee, you have healed from your past breakup and healed your relationship traumas. If not, a wounded heart will always reflect through actions or conversations with the ex-partner. A dumpee should learn to respond and not react to any approach from their dumper.
- Speak your truth: Speak your truth about how you feel. If you want to connect back with your dumper, I suggest going very slow and think it through. If you do not want to reconnect and want to build a healthy boundary around your ex-partner, say it loud to him/her. Make your truth heard to your dumper. Asking him/her to remain friends can also be a good way to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex.
- Know when to leave: Yes, though you have broken up long before, a dumper may try to convince you for reconnection. However, as you take the above-mentioned steps, understand what his/her true intentions are, you of course have no more time to play around and be in a relationship as time passes. Always follow your gut feeling and know when to walk away and cut the conversation.
How a dumper will behave or feel after the dumpee moves on is again a very personal choice and varies from person to person. However, the scenario witnessed in most of the cases by relationship experts and coaches is described precisely in this writeup.
I hope, this has helped you to understand the answer you were looking for. Also, no matter how difficult a breakup may get, remember that you dare to stand back again and find confidence by self-love first. Heal your heart for love will find you at the right place at the right time.
You are beautiful. You deserve to be loved!