You say to yourself, “I want to get back together with my ex” and then the next day you find yourself calling his/her cell phone. How is that going to help? If anything, it will make your ex more upset. So what should you do instead?
Let’s face it—it is hard to catch the attention of the person who has turned you down, let alone get them to give you a second chance.
We all know relationships are worth fighting for, but with the no contact rule, you have a better chance of success.
Now, if you are reading this then you are most likely suffering from the pain of being broken up with. There is some part of you that feels like you can't go on without this person in your life. You've read all the articles, sent countless text messages, reached out to mutual friends, even made it to the point of stalking your ex... But nothing seems to be working.
Has anyone successfully used the no contact rule to get an ex back?
The no contact rule is the absolute best way to get your ex back. It has worked for thousands of men and women all over the world. The no contact rule will help you for multiple reasons. Many people have discovered, by using this technique, helps one reevaluate their ex. From seeing other viewpoints on situations to gaining perspective back, the no contact rule is very beneficial. It’s easy to get swept away in emotions once a relationship is over, but adhering to the no contact rule can help you restore the life you were living during your relationship.
He might tell himself he’s over you, but he’s really not. By not openly communicating with him, you give him space to miss you. The no contact rule allows your ex to crave being with you so much that they want to initiate contact. And this is exactly what you want. By the time you reach the end of the no contact period, he’ll completely embrace having you back in his life again and won’t be able to do without you.
If your hopes are high enough you could even use this technique to rekindle old flames.
What Is The No Contact Rule?
The no contact rule is pretty self-explanatory. You don’t contact or hear back from anyone who has willingly or unwillingly ended your relationship for any given reason. Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule, but the majority of the time employs complete silence. No phone calls, no texts, no nothing with the person you had a romantic relationship with previously.
The goal is to get the relationship out of your head and get you to stop obsessing over your ex until you feel more confident and self-sufficient again.
When this rule is applied correctly, it can be the best thing you’ve ever done. The reason for this is it allows you to maintain your dignity and self-respect, as well as become a better person because of the experiences you’ve had.
Exact 3 Reasons Why The No Contact Rule Works To Get An Ex Back?
It has been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and there is a lot of truth to that old adage.
- Allows Him Time And Space
The no contact rule is a great way to get back together because it will give you time to miss each other. He’ll have the time to think about his feelings for you and he’ll have the time to think that maybe you weren’t such a bad girlfriend after all.
The healing process takes place without the two of you in each other’s face, putting up walls and not letting your true feelings out.
It doesn't always happen right away, but with time your ex will begin to miss you. He will want more contact. And he will be more amenable to getting back together with you.
- Allows Yourself Time And Space
The no contact rule gives you time to reflect, to find clarity, and to really figure out what went wrong in your relationship, thereby allowing you to make the right decision before contacting an ex.
When you’re not stressing about your relationship or constantly focusing on trying to get your ex back, you’ll have the chance to think about other things and maybe even meet someone new. Feeling like you can breathe and move forward is an important part of the process and should be embraced.
Think of the no contact rule as a sort of “temporary breakup”. You have to learn how to give it up, without losing hope in your relationship. Understand that there is a lot you can do to get back together with your ex. Don’t overthink this period thinking about how he is doing without you. Be with yourself, and focus on yourself.
- Portrays You As A Strong And Independent Personality
The no contact rule works because it is not manipulative like many methods of getting back together with an ex. You won’t find yourself begging or pleading to get your ex back.
This rule is strictly about you wanting the other person to realize how much you care about them, to help them realize that they’re making a mistake by ending the relationship and that there are many benefits to keeping it going.
An excessive amount of contact by the person being abandoned is seen as a sign of weakness, desperation, and clinging behavior. These are all qualities that partners do not want in a long-term relationship. By not contacting your ex, also known as “the silent period” you want to demonstrate strength and maturity in order to give that person what they are seeking in a life partner.
What Should You Do During The No Contact Period?
Okay, so, you've decided to go the no contact route. Good for you for having self-control and setting boundaries!
These are simply the basic rules of No Contact. But if you’re wondering what to do during this period, there are several things you can still do -but depending on your situation this might be different than mine. So let’s go over the basic rules again:
- Cut all the chords of contact
Yes, it’s a tough time to go through, but you have to draw a line. You can’t contact your ex during the no-contact period. Otherwise, if they get back to you, then they will take advantage of you once again, and the cycle of pain will continue.
Sounds pretty harsh, but if you want to successfully finish the No Contact rule period, you have to stop all contact with your ex-boyfriend. And it doesn’t just mean no IMs on Facebook or Instagram. It means no sending him emails or SMSs.
If you want a happy, healthy relationship in the future, you have to stop all contact with your ex-boyfriend. Let him heal right now and focus on yourself. It might be tough, but he’s worth waiting for (Hopefully).
- Build a connection with your self
The no contact rule period is not there to torture you or make you feel more upset. It’s meant to help you heal after the breakup, get you back on your feet and help you think straight about where are things are headed. Even though this is a stressful time for you, it can be a great thing as well.
You should make an effort to show your ex that you’re moving on. While you’re in no contact, try to focus on yourself and not them. But this should be the only thing you concern yourself with while implementing the no contact rule after a breakup.
Remember, it’s temporary and as long as you follow the rules, your no-contact period will end and you can see your ex again. You’ll be able to start fresh and be with him again. So, all that needs to be done now is to keep yourself busy and stay away from your phone and computer for a little bit after the breakup.
- Take time to evaluate if you want to get back your EX truly
Going through a breakup is never easy. You miss your ex and you wonder if they miss you. Your heart feels like it’s been ripped out of your chest and it hurts so bad, and sometimes you feel like you’ll never be the same again.
After a painful breakup, the hardest period of waiting to be over is the ‘no contact period. If done correctly, you will have a lot more clarity about whether or not that’s possible with your ex after doing no contact and healing from the breakup.
The no contact rule works great not just for getting an ex back, but also to find clarity about whether or not your relationship is actually salvageable.
No contact is the hardest part – after that, everything gets better – I promise.
- Become a better version of yourself
The no contact rule is a time to improve yourself and something you should actually use as a tool to become a better version of yourself. The no contact period is the time for you to be alone, take some time to think about what went wrong between you and your ex-boyfriend, and it is also the time for self-improvement.
You deserve the best in life, so make sure that you move on with your life, do all the things you planned on doing but never had time for, or found an excuse not to do them because of your relationship.
It’s a great time for introspection and getting to know the real you. To know what makes you smile, who your real friends are, and how far you can go without any help.
- Live on your own terms
Do fun and exciting things. Get involved with your local community and meet new friends. You'll probably find that some of these no contact activities will leave you feeling just as good — if not better — than seeing your ex.
While you’re in No Contact, focus on living your life! Sign up with an activity group or join a friend at their favorite group activity. Join a book club, civic group, or support group. Sign up for a class and surround yourself with like-minded people for support or fun times. Even simple things, like hiking, biking, or cooking with friends can boost your mood.
Mistakes To Avoid If You Are Applying No-Contact Rule To Get An Ex Back
Mistake 1: Obsessing over your Ex
It’s common to obsess over an ex during or after a break-up. After all, it’s not easy to let go of all the years spent together. But in reality, you are doing yourself more harm than good when you spend hours stalking your ex’s social media accounts, watching his every move, or trying to figure out what she is up to.
Mistake 2: Neglecting your emotions
Suppressing your thoughts or avoiding pain will only make you more miserable. You need to understand why it didn’t work so that you can avoid making the same mistakes in your next relationship.
Give yourself time to grieve and find other ways of coping. It may be good to seek professional help with this.
Mistake 3: Getting back Ex becomes the only goal
Many people make the mistake of focusing too much on getting their ex back during no contact. This is not healthy because it puts too much pressure on you to do well during this time. When you are under pressure, you tend to make mistakes that can be self-sabotaging.
It’s very tempting to just continue focusing on regaining your ex back at all costs, but you shouldn’t. Sure, it’s great if you eventually become the person who attracts your ex back, but if not at least you can focus on improving yourself.
Is No-Contact Rule Working For You?
What are the signs that your no contact rule is working? I’ve received quite some questions on this topic, so let me break them down for you.
- Has become inquisitive about you
If your ex is asking your mutual friends about your whereabouts, this is a good sign that he has already begun to miss you. If you hear stories of him talking to others about the breakup, always interject in favor of NC.
Just be careful not to let these friends tell your ex that you are looking for him or her. That could ruin your chances of getting back together.
- You received a call from him
If your ex suddenly decided to call you after a long period of not receiving any messages from him, this could mean that his no-contact rule is working. It's giving him the impression that you are too busy to talk to him right now. He's not only feeling more desperate but also really wants to talk to you.
He has the tendency to be in touch with you which shows how desperate he can be without your presence in his life. This once again goes back to the reason why most men come back to their exes.
- He’s worried about your disappearance from his life
At this point, you’ve gotten his attention. He’s thinking about you and he might be getting worried that perhaps he did something wrong and that’s why you cut him out of the picture. It doesn’t matter what he thinks – it matters how you perceive your actions and him – and beat him at his own game.
He wants to know what’s up with you. The time in between your break-up and now, he has missed you. Knowing that you are in good spirits is making him want to learn more about why you ended things after all.
- Started sending mixed signals
The no contact rule is that it helps you to get your ex on their toes. When they know you’ve started dating other people, suddenly they’re faced with the realization of their withdrawal and start sending mixed signals. They want to know if there is still a chance for them or not? If you suddenly become unavailable, the chances of your ex contacting you will raise drastically.
They might be apologetic and sweet, even promising they’ll do whatever it takes to fix things. But at the same time, they’ll push for an immediate re-ignition of contact or suggest that maybe things aren’t over after all.
Whatever their true motive, if their behavior is significantly more attentive after the breakup it’s a positive sign your no-contact rule is working.
- You are more worth to your Ex now
The no-contact rule might be working when you feel that they are looking for ways to get in touch with you. This is because they do not want to lose the relationship, and they realize that you know your value of yourself. They want more of what they see you have inside. Because you are too busy enjoying who you are, they respect your boundaries of having your own time, space, and success.
Being a “no-contact rule” person is not an overnight decision — it takes practice and adjustment — but you will be surprised how much more free and unencumbered your time becomes. It’s truly amazing how just a little bit of space can bring both people closer together and dissolve unwanted obligations and expectations of others.
Because we're not asking you to prove anything to your ex. All we want you to do is avoid contacting your ex and watch the silent treatment work. You’re coaching yourself to get over the breakup and take the high road.
There is no one-time frame that fits all. Usually, it is suggested to follow a minimum of 21 days of no contact. In case if you have a rough break up you can extend the period up to 90 days. I will say take as much as time you need to get clarity and to heal yourself from all the negativity you have absorbed during the relationship.
There are many emotions felt by dumpers when they are in no contact. They are all dependent upon the type of relationship the dumper had with their ex. If the ex was a best friend or spouse, then no contact is initially harder because they lose their friend(s) of many years. If the relationship was more casual, then no contact is easier.
We can never tell you with certainty when the no-contact rule will work because it varies from person to person. What works for one person might not work for another. This is not a quick process. It takes time to reflect on what went wrong in your relationship and it will take even more time to get over the loss of your partner. But it can be done because many people have done it before.
The fact is that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to this. Each situation has to be handled individually. The only sure way to know when you should start talking or contacting your ex again is when you are absolutely sure that you want to give your relationship another fair try.