Do you think a relationship needs to be like an open book? Well, transparency is definitely a key factor of any relationship as it leads to honesty. And from honesty, you become more committed to the relationship you’re in because both of you value the relationship.
But another very important of a successful relationship is respect. You need to give each other respect in terms of choices, opinions, preferences, and other things. When you both respect each other you handle any situation with more practical thinking which prevents miscommunication and misinterpretation.
So you might not be very open to sharing every little detail of your past with your boyfriend. While it’s important for you to understand why he wants to know putting yourself in his shoes, he also must understand your point of view and comfort level. This is where you both need to respect each other and give each other space.
So what does it mean when your boyfriend wants to know everything about your past? He cares about you and he doesn’t want to make similar mistakes. He thinks sharing all details will increase the trust level. He wishes to share his past with you. He can’t trust you easily, hence wants to know everything. He wants a transparent relationship without any lies or hiding of the past. He wants to know you fully so there should be no secrets.
If you ask me, there’s in wrong is asking about your boyfriend. In fact, it’s obvious for any relationship. But your boyfriend must also see how much you’re comfortable and how much you’re willing to share it. If he forces you to tell him everything when clearly you don’t want, then you need to look from a different angle.
Let us now look at some reasons why your boyfriend wants to know everything about your past.
Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Wants to Know Everything About Your Past
It’s not uncommon for your boyfriend to ask you about your boyfriend. Since a relationship needs clear communication to be happy and healthy for the long run, you might want to share things about your past. But why is he interested to know everything about your past?
- He likes honesty
Nobody can deny the power of an honest relationship. When you both are loyal to each other, every other problem would seem like nothing to you.
Perhaps, your boyfriend is an honest person in his life and he seeks the same from a relationship as well. He values honesty and loyalty over everything in a relationship and hence feels the urge to know everything about your past.
He doesn’t have any bad intentions or he is not of suspicious nature either. It’s just his way of maintaining a relationship so that you two can be on the same page always. Later he doesn’t want to argue about your past and unnecessarily engage in conflicts.
He prefers to know everything from the beginning to understand and know you better.
- He wants to know you more
You get to know a person in and out when you share everything with each other. Especially, when it comes to your partner, it becomes all the more important.
So when your boyfriend wants to know everything about your past, it’s basically he wants to know you more. He does not want any kind of communication gap between you.
Also, he feels getting all the information from you is much better, than stalking your profiles on Instagram or Facebook. He also doesn’t want to know about it from any other third person.
He feels when he gets to know everything about your past, it will help him have a crystal clear conversation and there will be no misinterpretation.
- He does not trust you fully
Yes, this is a very strong reason for your boyfriend to ask everything about your past. If you two have started dating recently or you’ve met through a dating app, chances are that you will face a lot of questions regarding this issue.
Since it’s a new relationship, your boyfriend can’t trust you right away. For him, it’s important to know everything about your past. Perhaps, whatever you’ve shared with him, he is not convinced with that at all.
Also, if you’ve any past relationship, it becomes difficult for him to trust you completely. He wants to spend more time with you to know you fully. He certainly lacks the kind of trust level that one should have in a relationship and hence he keeps on asking you questions.
- He doesn’t want to make the past mistakes
Not all boyfriends have some bad intentions in their minds when they’re asking you about your past. He cares for you and that’s why he wants to know about your past.
If you’ve gone through a painful breakup in the past, or you have been single for a long time, he would like to know the reasons for that. What went wrong, how were you hurt, which are some of the habits of your past boyfriend which made it difficult for you to continue, etc?
These are some of his thoughts and he doesn’t want to repeat those mistakes in this relationship. Hence he likes to know them beforehand so that he never accidentally hurts you and touches on those weak points.
- He believes in a no-secret policy
Your boyfriend likes to have no secret when it comes to a relationship. He wants to invest himself in you emotionally. And secret often acts as a barrier to true emotions.
So he likes to clear all the air when he begins a relationship. Later he does not want to come across any secret which can upset him severely.
He feels when you tell each other everything openly, it makes the relationship smoother and also prevents any kind of future miscommunication.
- He has a dark past
Often when a boyfriend asks too much about your past, it can mean that he himself has a dark past. Probably he cheated on his previous girlfriend, or he was cheated and could not bear the pain of that ugly breakup.
When you share your past with him, he too becomes comfortable and confident in sharing his own past. Especially if he has been a cheater, it is hard for him to confess to his new girlfriend about his misdeeds.
But when you also share with him, he finds a ground for himself. This is also a way of defending himself. If in the future you ever come to know about his dark past from any other source, she won’t be able to blame you.
Again, if he has been cheated in the past, he would like to share that with you. But when you share with him about yours, he finds that comfort level and trust factor to confide in you too.
- He sees a future with you
When your boyfriend is committed to you and wants to have a future with you, he would like to know everything about your past. This is natural for him.
He is not dating you casually and he is genuinely interested in you. He wishes to have a long-term relationship with you and take the relationship to the next level.
So not knowing about your past can lead to unnecessary fights and arguments later on. But when he knows everything, he is sure about the relationship and knows how to make this relationship a successful one.
- He wants to know about your Ex
Well, exes will always remain the biggest challenges in any relationship. If you have been in a long-term relationship with your ex and then broke up, your current boyfriend may have a lot of questions regarding him.
He wishes to know every little detail of the relationship- what did you two do, how physically involved you two were, what made you two break up etc.
Also, this is a way of knowing for him how you feel about your ex. If you talk with much enthusiasm about your ex and past relationship, your boyfriend will get a sense that you still haven’t forgotten him and you miss him even today.
He wants to measure where do you stand in terms of your previous relationship and thus he has to know everything about your past.
How Should You Respond When Your Boyfriend Wants To Know Everything About Your Past?
You need to handle this situation with a lot of care when your boyfriend wants to know everything about your past. Your response and answers will depend on certain conditions.
- Tell him everything about your past if you’re in love with your boyfriend. True love requires transparency. So if you wanna be with this guy because you madly love him, then go ahead confess everything.
- Do not disclose everything if you haven’t met him yet. If you two have been talking on the phone and met through a dating app, you should not tell him everything. In your case, you need to be patient and wait for the right time. Even if he asks, you should disregard his questions and tell him that you’ll share only when you meet him.
- Tell him slowly about your past when it’s a new relationship. You should not rush into anything. Give this relationship time and reveal your past slowly. You don’t need to spill out everything on the very first date. You need to first see what’s the potential of this relationship and accordingly disclose it.
- Ask him about his past when he asks you. This is great of knowing how much he is willingly sharing with you. Also, if he avoids this topic but is really keen on knowing yours then you should definitely not share your past with him.
- Give him little details and see how he reacts. You can share the normal memories of your past relationship and then see how he responds to them. If he gets jealous easily then you should not tell him everything.
- Tell him you’re uncomfortable when he repeatedly asks you the same questions. He needs to understand that you need your space and comfort too. He must respect your choice when you don’t feel like sharing. This will show how much he is also genuinely into you.
Let’s look at some amazing tips which will guide you on what to share with your boyfriend to have a great relationship.
- The number of partners you had before. Yes, this is crucial for your partner to know and you should certainly share the number of partners you’ve been previously with.
- Tell him if you’ve you’ve gone through any relationship trauma. Many go through a toxic relationship and have some bad memories of the past. But when you share those with your boyfriend, he also gets a hint on what not to do.
- Tell him the reason for your break up. Yes, he needs to know why your previous relationship ended. He would get a direction on some of the rule-breakers of the relationship and won’t repeat those again.
- Share with him your physical intimacy details with your ex. If you want to have a long-term relationship with him, you need to share this part as well. This will show him that you love him really and don’t want any secret.
- Tell him about your serious relationship. If you had a relationship for more than 3 or 5 years, it was definitely a serious and long-lasting one. Mention the time period and don’t mention it as a casual one. Say the truth.
- If you have suffered from any sexual diseases, in your previous relationship, you must disclose them.
Just as it is important to share some things, there are a few things which you don’t or rather should not tell.
- Do not tell him what you liked about your ex. Yes, don’t just go on praising your ex’s qualities or other actions. This will certainly make him upset and make him think that you haven’t moved on yet.
- You do not need to share all the fights that you had with your ex. Obviously, he was not at fault always. You too contributed to the fight. So you don’t really need to show him how you got irritated with small things and ended up in a fight.
- Be honest if you were physically involved with your ex but not the nitty-gritty. He is certainly not interested in that. And if he is someone who develops jealous easily, it will only raise the stress level.
- Do not show your past pictures. Yes, you had revealed about your past but that doesn’t mean you would also show the pictures. Seeing your ex’s pictures can upset him or you never know how he can react. So it’s best to avoid.
- You don’t need to mention how many dates you have been to or with how many guys you have talked to on dating apps or social media. These are unnecessary details.
Ask yourself a question. Would you be fine not knowing anything about your boyfriend’s past? I’m sure it’s hard. In a relationship, we all see that assurance level from our partner and when you two are open with each other, it will only strengthen the relationship.
So, it is important to share about your past with your boyfriend. But if you feel uncomfortable or you need time to open up, you must tell that too. Your boyfriend will also understand that how you want to go about this relationship.
Again, if he repeatedly pisses you off by asking the same things and you don’t want to share with him, you have to put a stop. Think whether you want a serious, committed relationship with this guy or not, why is not giving respect to your choice, is he suspecting you?- if these are some of the doubts you’re having while in a relationship with him, you can take the time or simply take a break from the relationship.
So, as you can see, sharing and not sharing both has their pros and cons. You need to understand what kind of a relationship you want to and how do you wanna shape it. You can’t expect him to share everything if you don’t open up. That’s why remember to take careful steps.
If you feel, transparency will lead to better a relationship with your boyfriend then you must confess or you both mutually decide that it’s OK not to share everything, then it’s fine too.
As long as, you two are in sync with each other and you’re not letting the past become a hurdle in your present and future, you too are good to go.
So love each other and have an exciting love life with your Bae.
He is not fully convinced by your commitment and is still unsure whether you’re interested in him full, that’s why he brings up your past.
Yes, being open and honest will help your relationship in the long run. If you two feel that talking about the past will keep future problems away, then you two must share.
Ideally, he should tell you. But when you don’t share your past, he won’t open up at all. So either you choose to tell or give him the space and trust him fully.