Does The Dumper Hurt As Much As The Dumpee?

Adhideb Ghosh
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Breakups are never easy. It is always difficult to part ways with a person who we love so dearly. Be it the dumper or the dumpee, a breakup can be traumatizing to both the person involved. There is a common conception that the person initiating the breakup or the dumper is the villain in every breakup story. However, that is not always the case. The root cause of a breakup differs from one couple to another. 

So, in this context, if you ask me whether breakups hurt the dumper as much as the dumpee, I will say that: It depends on the person and the type of breakup he/she has dealt with. If two persons have broken up due to some family or professional issue and both the dumper and dumpee still feel for each other after the breakup, then the chances of a dumper being hurt as much as the dumpee is quite definite. Breakups can also hurt when a dumper calls off the relationship with their partner unexpectedly or simply from an unconscious wrong decision. But when breakups happen to get rid of some toxic relationships, then the chances are quite low for the same. 

However, if you are still wondering how your dumper may be feeling after a tragic breakup with you. Here is an article to help you to find out if a dumper hurts as much as the dumpee. 

The ‘Dumper’ Experience Of A Relationship

A common notion that society blows on young lovers which eventually grows is the fact that “It is easy to be a dumper”. Dumping your partner may save you from heartbreak and can create less pain as compared to dumpee.

However, that is not always the case. Separation in a relationship can hurt the dumper more sometimes. Here are some common questions about how the dumper may be feeling, that will help the readers to find their answer.

  • Is it easy for the dumper to call off a relationship?

While going through daily flights, the toxicity of a partner, unavailability of enough space in a relationship, doubts, cheating, and misunderstandings, it is always hard to call off a relationship with a beloved partner. So, it is not easy to be a dumper no matter what the situation is. 

  • Does it hurt the dumper to break up with their partner?

A breakup does not usually happen in just a day! It is usually a combined thought of decisions that are executed over time. But sometimes break-ups can be a one-day scenario too. However, in situations where both people are dearly involved and in love with one another, a breakup will hurt the dumper undoubtedly. But, if you were in a wrong relationship with a player mindset person, chances are they are not hurt and willing to leave you behind as their work with you is done!

  • Does the dumper miss the dumpee?

The dumper missing the dumpee, irrespective of the root cause of a breakup is common. Two-person spending so much time together making memories and having fun is not what people experience with anyone they meet! Yes, the dumper may miss the dumpee from day 1 itself but not necessarily they will reflect the same through actions or behavior, or words. 

  • Does the dumper contact the dumpee?

No! The dumper usually will not contact the dumpee right after the initial breakup days. Dumpers are too busy to spend time alone, rediscovering their lives without being committed to someone. However, contact is possible out of regret, apology, or some other reason after months or years of the breakup. One needs to understand that still contacting is a rare scenario from the dumper’s end. 

  • Will the dumper come back to the dumpee?

The dumper may contact their dumpee, but coming back into the same relationship is hardly ever witnessed. Even if years have passed, and both the dumper and dumpee are different people now, the chances of coming back into a relationship do not happen. However, a dumper may come back to apologize or express their regrets about the decision they made regarding the breakup. 

  • How hard is a breakup for the dumper?

Break up or separation with a beloved partner with whom we have spent so much time chatting, enjoying, spending moments, is always hard. No matter if you are a dumper or a dumpee, a breakup will hurt you. It is simply, sometimes the breakup is the only solution to a problem. Two individuals, no matter how good, are not meant to be together. The dumper normally chooses not to show his/her feelings right after a breakup, but it hurts and is hard. 

Two individuals in a relationship are always emotionally, physically, and mentally invested. Detachment or separation is never going to work smoothly, especially after years of a relationship. Thus, it is quite easy to conclude that a dumper will be hurt as much as a dumpee when a relationship falls apart. 

Reasons Why A Breakup Hurts A Dumper As Much As A Dumpee?

Now, as we have the answers to some of the most commonly asked questions regarding a dumper, it is time to find out WHY. Why does a dumper feels hurt as much as a dumpee after the breakup? 

Well, there are several reasons for this one question. Some of these answers may make you feel “Then why was the breakup necessary”, or “we could have sit and talked it out”, but hey a dumper and a dumpee has already done that.

Breakup is often the final stage where certain things get intolerable by one partner. He/ she has to call off the relationship, to be happy!

Here are the reasons that a breakup hurts a dumper as much as the dumpee:

  • Officially detached but not emotionally: Sometimes we break up with our partners saying that it is over. We call off the relationship officially among our friends and family. However, sometimes, the dumper who called the relationship off subconsciously feels love for the dumpee. The situation gets a bit messy, and the breakup starts hurting both the dumper and the dumpee.
  • Jealousy: Jealousy is a strong emotion that sprouts from envy, insecurities, and third-party interruptions between two people who are romantically involved. Feeling jealous can be initially good and bring two people to close out of possessiveness. However, if one does not know where to stop making their partner jealous, he/she may call the relationship off. This breakup will hurt the dumper more than the dumpee sometimes. 
  • Depression hits hard: When two people share a romantic relationship, it is sometimes like sharing a lifestyle. Our life becomes centered around one person. Breaking up from this very person does not feel the way, a dumper expected it to be. After the passage of a few days, the dumper may start feeling lonely, anxious, and depressed. Depression and anxiousness can lead up to feeling hurt for the dumper.
  • Instant regret: This is seen mostly among dumpers who deal with a lot of ego and insecurity issues. Breakup follows in the heat of a moment when the dumper is trying to force their idea on their partner. He/she not only slams their idea but at the same time invalidates whatever the dumpee may be feeling. This creates a huge mess leading to a breakup. This type of attitude from the dumper will only detach the dumpee from their partner. The dumper may call off the relationship and regret their decision instantly. Also, the dumpee may not be affected as much because he/she is done with daily fights and invalidations. 
  • Nostalgia: Nostalgia strikes hard, when the dumper or the dumpee may be roaming around their city, visiting places they often visited as a couple. We visit places with our beloved partners, make memories, enjoy fun times, spend quality time together, and then we break up. These nostalgic moments can spark wounds in the dumper. 
  • Stalking: It is not always that a dumpee will only go stalking their ex-partners. The dumper too can engage in this act of stalking ex-partners to check how they are doing in life. Social media is a huge advantage these days. A dumper may be stalking your profile and you will not even know. If a dumper finds that the ex-partner has moved on in their life, and is doing great with newfound confidence, self-love, or having fun times with friends and is over their breakup now, chances are they will feel hurt. This hurt feeling sprouts from a space of natural human behavior. 
  • Trash-talking: This is one of the most common grounds where a dumpee ends up hurting a dumper. No matter whatever is the reason for a breakup, the dumpee is often seen acting and speaking from a wounded heart. He/she may seek support from friends and family and also trash-talk about their partner in order to feel better. As sensitive topics are easy rumors and travel faster than expected, it reaches your dumper too. Undoubtedly these trash-talking and false blames will end up hurting the dumper.
  • Getting blocked: Blocking is a common step taken by the dumpee to allow themselves no contact time from the dumper. The dumpee decides to heal themselves and get better at life without any distractions from the dumper. He/she may block the dumper from all social media platforms and stop seeing them even on mutual premises. The “Out of sight, out of mind” technique rules the situation here. However, this blocking off hurts the dumper in some situations. 
  • The dumpee moved fast: In certain scenarios our gut feeling says much and then we take the guided actions. Maybe a dumper already felt their partner detaching from the relationship. Their words and actions made it clear, but they were simply waiting for the right time to convey in words. You saw the breakup coming and decided to say it first and call off the relationship. Not much to your surprise, the dumpee or your partner agreed to your decision with ease. Therefore, you as a dumper will feel hurt and wounded to see a blooming relationship fall off in front of your eyes, sheerly because of the least effort from your person. 
  • Power play: Many of us reading this write-up have heard about the push and pull technique in a relationship. A dumper may use the technique to call some attention, possessiveness, or jealousy from their partner. They may have called off the relationship due to a reasonably expected by their partner to bring them back. However, instead, they only kept waiting and waiting. This power-playing game in a relationship is seen to backfire many a time on the dumper, leaving them hurt and wounded. 
  • Life throwing challenges: A breakup may feel great initially for a dumper. The newfound freedom and space away from their partner bring a breath of fresh air for many people. They seem to enjoy new company, time alone or dating again. However, when life throws some challenges towards the dumper and he/she is left with no one to stand by their side.  The thought of a supportive ex-partner can easily hover over the minds of a dumper. He/she may feel hurt realizing that they miss the dumpee’s presence around them.

I hope by now, you know that a dumper feels hurt as much as a dumpee sometimes after a breakup. Breakup is mutual heartbreak. Society may teach us otherwise, questioning the feelings of the one who called off the relationship. 

However, no matter what the situation is, healing from heartbreak, rising above all past traumas to step into a new reality will be the focus now. 

Yes, the dumper is as human as the dumpee. He/she has a high chance of feeling hurt and wounded because of a wrong decision or a breakup that they did not expect. So, irrespective of the situation, in most cases, breakups always cause wounds and traumas in both the person involved in a romantic relationship. 


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