Relationships do not always go as smoothly as they tend to go at the beginning. As time passes, various types of conflicts arise within every relationship. I would say, conflicts in relationships are pretty natural. But sometimes, some of those conflicts become too toxic to let the relationship sustain.
During fights in relationships, couples often decide to break up out of anger. But most of the time, this decision doesn’t last long. Maybe they do not talk to each other for a week or even a couple of months, but eventually, they get themselves back together and find a mutual solution to their conflicts.
That’s the beauty of love and affection. But sometimes, the toxicity of some conflicts takes the relationship to such a state that getting back together into a relationship becomes almost a nightmare for some couples. Many times, the decision of permanent separation is taken from only one side, hence leave the other one in the total darkness of doubts and uncertainty.
‘Is he/she ever gonna get back to me!’ ‘What should I do to get him/her back!’ ‘Is he/she angry with me?’ ‘Is my ex just over me!’ These are the most common questions that every alternative couple asks after their breakups. So, how to know if your ex is over you or just angry with you? Human minds are quite a complex element and yet to be decoded fully. That’s why there’s no hard and fast rule to understand the mental phenomenon of your ex. Only through close observation, you may understand the phase in which your ex now belongs. If he/she still cares for you, texts you frequently, stalk you on social media, asks your mutual friends about you, chances are he/she is not yet over you.
So, if he/she is just angry, you need to respond one way, and if he/she is already over the relationship, you need to react another way. Whatever the situation is, you need to decide your next steps carefully after understanding the phase of your ex. In this article, I’ll help you to understand the phase in which your ex now belongs and how you should react/respond according to it.
He/She Is Just Angry With You
According to experts, momentary anger is one of the primary reasons for most breakups. You and your partner were fighting over an issue, the fight ends up in a breakup due to momentary anger. But as I mentioned, these kinda breakups do not last long. Because anger can not occupy our mind for an indefinite period.
It has to go away. After the anger gets faded away, people tend to send significant signals to their partners both consciously and unconsciously. If you’re also facing such a situation, you must learn to identify those signals and respond to them.
He/She Still Cares For You
You had a fight with your girlfriend or maybe boyfriend and you broke up. But it seems that even after breaking up, she/he still cares for you. His/her caring attitude may not be as prominent as before, but it’s noticeably visible. They may even try to portray that they don’t care but action speaks bolder than words.
If the situation is like this, be sure that he/she is not over you at all. Remember the love story of Ross and Rachel from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. If a person completely gets over his/her ex, he/she hardly cares for them.
Asks About You In Mutual Friends’ Circle
Maybe you people have broken up and now avoid seeing each other anymore. But if you get to know that he/she asks about you in the mutual friends' circle, chances are high he/she is not over the relationship but just angry at you. Asking about the ex in the mutual friends’ group is a conscious attempt to send signals. So, take it as a signal and respond accordingly,
Stalks You On Social Media
This is another conscious and deliberate attempt to send signals to the ex. After breakups when people miss their ex, the first thing they tend to do is to open their social media profile. But if your ex is stalking you on social media, likes your posts, old pictures even after a long time of break up, and still not trying to contact you, be sure that he/she is not over you at all but just angry with you.
Tries To Have Conversations
If your ex is trying to engage in a conversation with you or trying to initiate a fight over some conflicting issue even after break up, he/she may be just angry at you. Because, after breaking up with someone and getting over him/her, people don’t usually initiate or engage in such situations.
He/she Mocks You
If your ex mocks you in front of your mutual friends, tries to insult you, hurts your weak points, chances are he/she is furiously angry at you but not yet over you. This phenomenon comes from the subconscious mind if people are angry with their loved ones and leads them to react weirdly like this to make their ex uncomfortable.
Trying To Make You Jealous
If your ex is hanging out with other guys/girls in front of you and you think it’s deliberate, then maybe he/she is not over you. If people get angry at their loved ones and break up, they want to make their partners jealous. So, if you often see that your ex is hanging out with other guys/ladies and his/her appearance is abnormally charming, chances are very high that he/she is just doing it to make you jealous and wants to come back.
How To Handle It?
As I told you, anger doesn’t last long in our minds. As time passes, anger gets faded away. And when both the persons start missing each other, feeling for each other, they get back together. But here I would like to mention that, both of them must put their efforts to get back with each other. If you’re lacking necessary efforts and taking your partner’s phase just for granted, the anger may be faded away but a strong sense of ego would get developed. And we all know, overcoming ego is quite harder than overcoming anger. So, learn to handle such situations properly rather than avoiding them.
Break The Ice
After analyzing your ex’s behavior, if you want to get the relationship back, first learn how to overcome your ego. Experts say that ego is the largest mountain to cross while deciding relationships. If you overcome your ego, half the job is done. Now go and talk to him/her about your relationship. Initiate breaking the ice that has been created between you two. Because as your ex is sending signals of anger, he/she expects you to approach her.
Be Polite With Your Approach
Politeness is one of the noblest qualities of human characteristics. So whatever he/she is trying to make you feel, or no matter how you’re gonna approach him/her, be polite with your words and your behavior. Let him/her feel that your feeling and stand about the relationship is as stable as before. People usually don’t love to come back to a fickle-minded person who freaks out just seeing his/her partner with another person. So, show them that you’re jealous but let your calmness speak on behalf of your personality.
Learn To Apologize
Many people hesitate to apologize to their partners. But I would say it’s very necessary for a fresh start. If you have already overcome your ego, there’s no shame in apologizing. No matter whether you were right or wrong, as long as you care about the relationship, learn the art of saying sorry. Say it from the core of your heart, say it with all your affection for her. A simple ‘sorry’ can change everything.
Learn To Accept
Suppose you have broken the ice, approached your ex politely, said sorry and now you’re on the way to get back to your relationship. But if you’re still holding your stand regarding the previous fight, it’s too hard to get back together. Again remember the relationship of Ross and Rachel from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Ross was just one step behind to get back into their relationship if he could simply accept ‘they weren’t in a break’. Jokes apart, it’s important for both of you to accept the situation as it is.
Speak Less, Listen More
If you had a tendency to dominate in your relationship, chances are, you used to speak more and listen to your ex. Through this approach, you invalidate his or her feelings, emotions, and anything he/she may want to say. So now, learn to speak less first. Instead, listen more. Listen to what your ex wants to say, how he/she feels, why he/she is angry with you or your actions. Through this method, you can not only learn more about your partner but also can strengthen your bonding with him/her.
Show That You Care
Always remember, in relationships actions speak louder than words. Your actions will reveal the way you actually feel. So, always learn to behave accordingly. Observe how your partner wants you, and even if you can’t be with him/her that way, at least always try to attend to him/her. Always show that you care about his/her feelings and those have significant values to you.
Signs That Your Ex Is Over You
I told you, sometimes, relationships reach such a phase where getting back together is hardly possible. In such a situation people usually get over the relationship, move on in life. If your ex has moved on in his/her life too, he/she will behave in some specific manner. If you getting a couple of these signals, I’m sorry but I must say, your ex is over you.
Avoiding Your From Basic Instinct
Couples generally avoid talking to each other after temporary breakups too. But if you feel that your ex is avoiding you permanently by not replying to your text or sending you a one-line reply, he/she may be already over you. Maybe he/she has lost interest to get back to the relationship.
He/she Is Getting Annoyed
People tend to poke their ex more and more when their ex starts avoiding them genuinely from basic instinct. If you’re such a person as well and he/she is genuinely getting annoyed with your poking, chances are he/she doesn’t want to converse with you anymore.
A cold attitude towards you is another prominent sign that he/she is over you already. If you people fought and broke up temporarily, he/she would always have an aggressive approach towards you. But if that is not the case, and he/she is responding to you too much casually, maybe he/she is totally over the relationship and has already started moving on.
Made You Disappeared From His/Her Social Life
If your ex has deleted all your photos and memories from social media and told all his/her friends that you people have broken up, chances are high that he/she at least wants to get over you and move on in their life. If your ex has also done this, start taking it as a red signal.
Has Dated Many People
Perhaps, you people have broken up over a fight. Your ex is seeing new people in order to make you feel jealous. But this event of making you jealous can’t last long. If you two have broken up over a couple of months and he/she didn’t stop seeing people, maybe your ex is just exploring and wants to move on.
Acts Awkward Around You
If your ex is acting awkward while being around you, maybe he/she doesn’t want you in his/her life anymore. When after breakups people get over their ex, they don’t want their ex to come back in any way again in their life. It may be in a cafe, or a house party, or on the streets. If he/she is feeling awkward, maybe he/she has moved on.
What Should You Do?
If your ex is already over you, there’re very few things can do about it. In my opinion, convincing him/her to get back into the relationship is not an option at all. I understand that life is hard now, but exactly from this point, you need to start moving on. You need to make firm decisions for yourself and progress in life further. There’re so many things except being in a relationship with a person. So, here are a few tips that may help you out in such a difficult situation.
Decide To Move On
To get rid of the pain of permanent separation you must decide to move on first. Make yourself prepare for hard times and hard decisions coming ahead. Convince your mind that you’re not gonna see him/her again. Experts say that changes in life begin when we start to decide.
Stop Bothering Him/Her
Now in the very first place, you must stop bothering that person who doesn’t feel anything about you. Bothering such a person means nothing but an utter wastage of your valuable efforts. Moreover, if you stay connected with your ex, you can hardly move on further in life. So, stop texting him/her. Don’t ask him/her about anything, if possible block him/her from your social media.
Erase Him/Her From Your Life
Erasing your ex completely from your life is a very important job if you genuinely want to move on in your life. Otherwise, those memories will keep bothering you and you’ll be weak emotionally. So, delete pictures with your ex from your phone and social media, delete his/her number, destroy or give up memorable items that you had with him/her.
Ask Your Friends To Help You
If you want to get over your ex too, friends can be proven very helpful. Ask your close friends not to talk about your ex or you may ask them to introduce you to new people, take you on a tour. Hanging out with friends helps to calm our minds down and heal ourselves.
Keep Yourself Away From Nostalgia
Nostalgia is one of the most dangerous things after break up if a person is genuinely trying to move on. Nostalgia can destroy all your efforts in a single blow. So, avoid doing the stuff you used to go with your ex, and avoid going to those places you used to go together. Believe me, it’s gonna help you a lot.
Keep Yourself Busy
Keep yourself so busy in your hobby and your profession that you can hardly have time to think about your ex. Your schedule will occupy most of your time and by the night you’re gonna get tired and doze off eventually.
Hopefully, after going through the entire article thoroughly, you’ve understood how to know if your ex is over you or just angry with you. Through the comprehensive discussion, probably now you also know how to react/respond according to the situation. But whatever the situation is, please never stop loving yourself. You’re the best friend and healer of yours.
Best of luck in your life. Happy dating.