Relationships are not always meant to work out. That’s why breakups are petty normal. But no matter how much normal breakups are, it hurts a lot. And if our partner leaves us just for someone else, it hurts a lot more. But many times after breakups, after leaving us for someone else, they want to come back into our lives and try to patch up again.
This is indeed a pretty confusing moment when our ex-partner wants to come back. Because we often tend to be very vulnerable to them as all our feelings do not go away that easily even after breakups. In such situations, people often think, ‘Should it be all right to give him/her another chance?’ or ‘Should I get back to him/her?’ or Should ‘I take him/her back?’
Well, now if you ask me the same question, I would say, In relationships, there’s no universal ‘yes’ or ‘no’ type answer for any questions. Every individual is different, so are their characters as well as situations. You must decide about this according to the situation you’re dealing with. While making a decision, you must consider his/her gestures through which you would get to know why he/she wanna come back and then think about the pros and cons of getting back with him/her.
Here I would like to say, irrespective of how you still feel about this ex, you should consider many things before taking him or her back into your life. As he/she has now a history of leaving you for someone else, you should think many times before investing your emotions for him/her. I do admit that it’s a pretty complicated and long process that consumes a lot of time. But this time and effort would help you to make a big decision in your life.
Are you confused about what are those matters you need to consider? Or do want to know why in the first place he/she wanna come back? Are you still confused about how you should react if they ask you about getting back together? No worry. In this article, I’m gonna make everything related to this topic pretty clear for you.
Why They Wanna Come Back?
Before deciding about anything, you must be clear about the basic concepts. So here before thinking about how you should react or if you should take that person back who left you for someone else, you must be aware of the reason why he/she wants to come back and why on earth did he/she leave you.
Maybe you know about the reason for your break up, but I’m sure that you don’t why he/she wants to come back to you. So, before asking them directly about it, let’s know the potential reasons for which your ex may want to come back even after leaving you for someone else.
Regret For Leaving You
This is one of the most genuine reasons why even after leaving you for someone else, your partner may want to come back. Perhaps, you people used to spend a lot of good times, share good memories and he/she now understands that leaving you was a mistake.
Maybe that ‘leaving you thing’ was not genuinely a mature decision he/she took. In life, we make many grave mistakes that we later regret. Maybe your partner has realized that breaking up with you for someone else was such a mistake he/she made. That’s why he/she now wants to get back to you.
He/She Is Missing You
If you people were very close to each other, used to share a good bond, good memories, seemed to love each other a lot, chances are your partner wants to get back to you as he/she is missing you badly. Leaving someone and coping up in a new relationship is not an easy job at all. It takes a lot of effort and time.
Probably during that time he/she is missing you. This is the phase that may sometimes lead your ex-partner to regret leaving you. Maybe out of this sudden vacant place, he/she wants to come back into your life.
He/She Is Being Jealous Of You
Don’t let your mind get blown away by the previous potential reasons I mentioned for your ex’s desire of coming back. Those are two positive reasons I mentioned just as probability and there’re a few neutral and negative reasons too. So, please consider these reasons with a clear and logical mind.
Such a very probable neutral reason relationship counselors have identified is ‘JEALOUSY’. Maybe after he/she left you for someone else, you’re trying to move on and hence seeing some other person. Or maybe, you’re trying to get healed by showering self-love on yourself.
I know these are very silly reasons to get jealous. But ex-partners tend to get jealous of these. Due to this jealousy, they get pretty confused. Out of this jealousy and consequent confusion, he/she may want to come back.
It’s Just The Moment Speaking
When two people recently get broken up but still hang out with each other, moments between them can mean a lot. We all know that in any relationship, moments create sparks. Maybe you people work together or are in the same class or simply hanging out and a moment got created. It was the heat of the moment he/she felt differently for you and asked you for coming back. In this case, maybe it’s not him/her, but just the moment is speaking.
It’s Not Going Well With The Current Partner
Now comes the negative potential reasons due to which your partner who left you for someone else may want to come back. This one is reported to be one of the most popular and prominent reasons due to what ex-partners want to come back. Maybe for whom, your ex left you, he/she is not at all your partner’s type.
Maybe their new relationship isn’t going that well. Due to that, your ex thinks that breaking up with you for the new one was a mistake. And this feeling is leading him/her to approach you for getting back together. But remember, in this feeling, there’s no regret of leaving you.
He/She Wants Sex
This one is another negative reason for what your partner may want to get back to you even after leaving you for someone else. Many times, ex-partners miss just only the sex life with us. Maybe, with the new person, the sex life isn’t that good. Maybe he/she still fantasizes about you in bed. Just due to this sexual urge, he/she wants to come back.
Identifying The Gestures
We’ve already talked about the potential reasons due to which your ex who left you for someone else, now wants to come back. But as referred, those are just the potential reasons. How could you know the exact reason for which your ex wants to come back?
Maybe you have already started thinking about it. He/she will never tell you the reason even if you ask. So forget about that. But wait, don’t just guess. To know the exact reason why he/she wants to come back, you must learn the art of identifying gestures. As experts say, actions speak a lot more than words, your partner’s gestures will tell you what’s the exact reason he/she wants to get back to you.
So, what’re those gestures or behaviors that speak about his/her reason? Here I’m gonna mention some common approaches.
Apologizing From Heart
A true apology is something that comes from regret. So, if your ex-partner is truly apologizing for leaving you for someone else, maybe he/she regrets his/her decision and his/her intention is pretty clear. But always try to identify if his/her tone is true and originated from regret. Because people can come with fake apologies hiding evil intentions in their minds.
Here the pro tip for you is: your partner will admit his/her mistake, won’t make excuses, and most important won’t always keep bothering you. Observe these behaviors, and you’ll understand his/her reason for coming back.
Keeps Recalling Memories
If you’re still in touch with your ex (viz you’re his/her classmate, colleague) and he/she has asked you for coming back together and always tend to talk about your past memories, chances are he/she is missing those old times with you. Notice how frequently he/she is doing it.
Make sure that he/she hasn’t got obsessed with it or not talking too much about the intimate times between you two. If things are going accordingly, your ex-partner is missing you.
Doesn’t Like Your Current Status
Have your ex, who left you for someone else, asked you to get back together and still mocks or criticize your current status? He/she may be jealous of you now. This happens when our partners leave us for someone else and we try to heal ourselves through showering self-love or see someone.
I always say that breakups, especially dumping, are meant to hurt. When it fails to do so, the dumper gets jealous. Out of this jealousy comes confusion and out of this confusion they may ask us our back. If your ex-partner is also doing so, probably he/she is jealous of you.
Being Fickle Minded
If your partner seems fickle-minded about his/her proposal of coming back together, maybe it’s the moments between you speaking, not the person. Moments make us speak many things that we don’t really mean. If this is happening to you then during the normal time your ex would behave normally and won’t show interest in getting back together. But as soon as any close moment would get created, he/she would behave differently.
Keeps Mentioning The Present Relationship
Does your ex keep mentioning his/her present relationship despite asking you for getting back together? Maybe something in their current relationship is not going well and that’s why he/she asked you back. No matter he/she speaks good or bad about his/her relationship. Something in this relationship is definitely going wrong or he/she may be got bored with this relationship.
Romantic Ways Of Talking
If it seems that your ex is talking to you too romantically after asking you to get back together, and trying to create intimate moments, maybe he/she is trying to seduce you to get in bed. Maybe he/she just wants the amazing sexual bonding back between you two.
It often happens especially with guys when they want just the sex life back even after leaving their girlfriend and couldn’t ask them directly for sex, then they pretend to get back together to have that sex.
Keeps Bothering You
If your ex always keeps bothering you for getting back together or behaving rudely, maybe he/she is acting not out of love but just out of obsession. Maybe he/she broke up with you just due to a heat of some moment and want you back now by hook or by crook.
Approaching Coldly But Constantly
If your ex-partner has asked you for getting back together but does not bother you at all and behave coldly, then he/she must be very serious about it inside.
When people decide something about love or relationship with maturity and want to make that happen in life badly, then ironically they become calm and cold. This is the very magic of love and affection. In this case, your ex won’t bother you at all but will keep reminding you that he/she loves you and wants to get back together.
Broken Up With The New Partner
If your ex has broken up with his/her current partner, for whom he/she left you, maybe he/she truly loves you and regrets his/her past mistake of breaking up with you for someone else.
How Should You Respond?
Now you know your ex’s potential reasons for asking you back and also know how to identify them through his/her gestures, it’s time to learn how you should respond according to the situation. I understand that maybe you’re still vulnerable and still have feelings for him/her, but you should respond wisely and logically if he/he ask you to get back together. Here I would like to mention some basic universal laws of how you should respond in such situations.
Don’t React Overwhelmingly
After finding the exact reason why your ex wants to get back to you, the decision is completely yours whether you want to take him/her back or not. But no matter what your decision is, never react overwhelmingly when he/she asked you to come back.
Because, if you react overwhelmingly and eventually decide to patch up again, he/she would think that you were waiting for him, and hence he/she can again take you for granted. And, if you decide to reject him/her and react too excited, your ex may find you too rude and that’s not a good reputation for your personality. So, always react clam and cold to his/her proposal.
Ask Why He/She Left
No matter whether you know the reason for your breakup or not, when he/she is asking you for getting back together, ask why in the first place he/she left. Listen to your reason. Observe that whether he/she is mumbling and making any lame excuses or not.
If he/she has an honest intention of getting back to you, you will speak the truth and admit his/her mistake. Here I would like to request you to put special emphasis on this point. Because if a person doesn’t have an honest intention, you should think many times before allowing him/her to enter your life further.
Ask Why He/She Wanna Come Back
No matter whether you’ve been able to identify the reason for his/her come back or not, ask him/her why he/she wanna come back? Listen to his/her points.
Moreover, also ask what would happen to his/her current partner for whom he/she left you. Your ex would get confused with this question. Let him/her! Keep eyes on his/her attitude. Observe how to they react or respond to this situation. After this, you’ll understand how to proceed further.
Listen More, Speak Less
This is the primary law to understand the motive of any person. When your ex is approaching you for getting back together even after he/she left you for someone else, you should always focus on listening to his/her words and observe his/her actions more carefully.
I would suggest you, create opportunities for him/her to make mistakes and speak wrong words. Observe how he/she deals with it. Then make your decision.
This is indeed a complicated situation and you must be an expert in the art of time buying. Time has the ability to solve 75% of your complications. Ask him/her to give you more time to think about it. During this time, observe your ex that how much consistent he/she is. Through this time, you’ll get to know what his/her actual intention is. The rest will be very easy for you to decide.
Learn The Art Of Saying ‘NO’
Many people do not know how to say ‘NO’ to a person, especially to those whom they once loved. This leads them to get back in toxic dishonest relationships and ruins their emotions and efforts. So, prepare yourself to say ‘NO’. And after saying ‘NO’ do not entertain his/her constant poking for getting back together. Never compromise with your dignity for such a person who left you for someone else.
After going through this article, you probably have mastered the art of identifying your ex’s intention. In the end, I would just like to suggest you that always accept honesty no matter how much painful it is. And reject all kinds of dishonesty or fake approaches no matter how much sweet it seems to be. Because the truth is hard. Learn loving the truth. It’ll never betray you further.
And yes, there’re some pros and cons of dating a person who once left you for someone else. Learn to identify your pros and cons, evaluate and confront yourself before deciding anything, and then decide.
Best of luck. Happy dating.