Is there a secret recipe for a successful relationship? Well, we are all still trying to figure it out. Every couple has their own ways of dealing with their issues and in between juggling life, they find their “Happy Place” in that partner. Even if the partner is not the “perfect” one, they find happiness and love in that Imperfection only.
However, if you’re still wondering “is there anyone secret recipe that couples can follow?” I have an answer. Most couples have agreed that honest communication has helped them a lot. It is because of this open conversation that the two have reached the most comfortable point.
But what happens if the honesty goes a bit of topsy-turvy? You know what happens when you’re on a flight and then there is turbulence in the air. The flight doesn’t land perfectly right? Or even if it lands, it takes time, there’s a lot of anxiety involved. Similarly, when the graph of honesty isn’t smooth in a relationship, you face these problems.
And one of the biggest problems is when you bring your past to your present life. Exes are best when they are left behind in the past. But when you mix the two, be sure your present girlfriend will never be happy with it. And by any chance, if you hide anything from her regarding your past, Boy, you’re in trouble.
So what does it mean when your boyfriend met his ex but did not tell you? He still has feelings for his ex. He has remained a good friend of hers. His relationship with you is very new. He is hiding something serious. Or he is not happy with you. There can be various causes for your boyfriend's hiding. Yet, he should be honest with you.
The reasons may be many. But unless your boyfriend confesses that to you it’s never possible for you to know or understand the true thing.
Reasons For Your Boyfriend Not To Tell You About His Ex
Things become easier for a couple when everything is transparent and honest between the two. But complications are a part of life and relationships can get too tricky at times.
So let’s explore why your boyfriend hasn’t told you that he has met his Ex.
- Is your boyfriend still not over his Ex?
You may be wondering why your boyfriend did not tell you the truth? This little doubt can lead to huge suspicion later on. Your boyfriend perhaps is still not over his ex. It can also be that he has been on talking terms with his ex without your knowledge.
And, after talking for a while with his ex, he realized maybe there are still some sparks left. Hence he met up with his ex. But he did not tell you for obvious reasons. He knew that he has been doing something wrong. He is practically cheating on you. He wanted to hide for you because he wanted to make sure that things will again go back to normal with his ex. Before that confirmation from his ex, he could not end the relationship with you.
As you can see, your ex is definitely not over his ex and that’s why he needs to hide it from you.
- You two are in a new relationship
When the relationship is very new, it can happen that your boyfriend is still in touch with his ex. They still talk to each other in a casual way. And he has still not reached a place with you where he can tell you everything about his past. Probably he does not want to hurt you. He is thinking, that if he tells you, you will not talk to him anymore and call off the relationship immediately.
He wants to give his new relationship sometime and he certainly does not want to lose you. Hence he thought he would meet up with his ex and tell her personally that he is already seeing someone. He thought this is something not necessary to tell you.
- He is dating you casually
Well, casual relationships are a new way now. People are not committing to each other at the beginning of a relationship. They are saying out loud that they only want to casually date you. If you happen to be in a situation like this, chances are very high that your boyfriend will meet his ex and not tell you.
You can’t even expect a lot from him either. Especially when it’s very clear between the two of you that “It’s just a casual thing” between you. He thinks that since there is no seriousness or commitment in the relationship, he has the right to hide from you. He feels there’s no need to tell you every detail of their life since there is a future in this casual relationship.
- He is still friends with his ex
This is not very uncommon nowadays. Even after breaking up couples do stay in touch and maintain a cordial relationship with their exes. So, your boyfriend might be in touch with his ex as a friend. He can also have a common friend circle with his ex. So, there are chances of meeting with his ex even at a common party.
His ex can have some problems in her life and she wanted to meet him as a friend. Your boyfriend thought, its a very trivial issue and hid it from you. He did not understand the importance of telling you about meeting his ex.
- Your boyfriend is hiding something serious
Honestly, if everything is perfect between you two, your boyfriend should not hide anything from you. He only hides it from you when he does something wrong. Maybe he was never over his ex and still started dating you. To your surprise, he was most probably double dating.
Obviously, he had to meet his so-called “Ex” because he clearly never ended the relationship with her. And he is not in a position to tell you as it would reveal all his dirty deeds.
- He isn’t happy with you
As I said before, hardships are a part of any relationship. Sometimes relationships have a rough patch, you never know who is your dream partner. You may start off quite well together, but as you go along differences, dislikes, arguments can come between you two. When your boyfriend is fighting with you every day, not giving you enough time or attention, it certainly means there is something wrong.
Perhaps, he is having compatibility issues. Or he is not comfortable with you. It can also be that the relationship did not turn out what he expected it to be. So, he met up and did not bother to tell you. He does not want you to be a part of his life in the long run and decided to keep it a secret from you.
- Your boyfriend met his ex to get closure
It happens, especially in LDRs. Long-distance couples often break up due to various reasons while they’re away from each other. Hence they never get a chance to get closure from their partners in person. Even after starting out a new relationship, your boyfriend might go and meet his ex, just to have the final talk.
In most cases, one person is always over the other person. However, a small part of the heart still looks for that closure. So your boyfriend will go for the last time and close the chapter forever. Hence he did not feel the necessity to tell you as he knows this is the final conversation with his ex. There will be no trace of his past anymore.
Now when you’re reading this article, you might be in a similar position too. You must be wondering how to deal with such a situation. What can you do? Well, not to stress anymore.
What Should You Do When You Face The Same Problem?
Let’s check out some things which you should be doing if your boyfriend has met his ex and didn’t tell you.
- Ask the reason
Once again, we come down to an open conversation. Personally, I have solved many issues in my relationship just by talking out. Clearing the air is very important especially when you know that your boyfriend hid it from you. Assuming things on your own only leads to bigger problems.
So, when you’ve already known, ask your boyfriend directly “Why did he hide”? Of course, you need to the reason why he met his ex in the first place. But I suggest, ask what was the reason for hiding. Simply because we don’t hide anything when we’ve done something right. So, ask him the reason. Then when he confesses the reason for hiding, he would in the flow of the conversation tell you the reason for meeting his ex as well.
- Take things lightly
Yes, you may find it hard. But you need to take one thing at a time. If you start accusing him and bickering at him from the beginning, he will never tell you the real reason. Rather he would make up thousand other stories and try to divert the issue altogether.
Hence you need to be super patient. There is going to be a fight. But you can handle it maturely by talking together in a calm manner. Be a good listener and try to understand your boyfriend’s perspective. If he is genuinely in love with you, he would tell you the truth.
- Tell him you’re hurt
It’s obvious to get hurt. And things get more upsetting when an ex is involved. As a girlfriend, you have every right to be upset with your boyfriend if he hides such an important thing. But guys often don’t even realize that they’ve hurt their girlfriends unintentionally.
If your boyfriend just met his ex casually in a grocery store, he might think that this topic can be totally ignored. But girlfriends want to know every little detail about their boyfriend. So if he hides, you need to make him understand that you’re hurt by his action and behavior. Once he realizes that he has made a mistake and he should’ve told you, he will apologize to you. He will also not repeat the same mistake again.
- Talk to him about the status of your relationship
If your boyfriend is still not over his ex, you will start getting the signs very soon. And meeting with his ex and not telling you, is certainly one of the biggest signs. You should, in a case like this, must talk to your boyfriend. Ask him whether there is any future of this relationship. Tell him to confess his true feelings to you. Even if you are very much invested in this relationship and he is not, you should never stretch it further. It will only get worse.
- Think rationally
Yes, if you two have been together for quite some time and you two know where the relationship is heading, you should not worry too much. You should rather think practically.
If your boyfriend has broken up a long time ago and is in touch with his ex occasionally like wishing on their birthdays, or casually asking “how’s life”, you should not overthink and complicate the issue. You should understand that he is very much into you and you can just tell him that you would like to know about such meetings with his ex in the future. Just so that, he too is aware of what you like and what you don’t.
- Give him assurance
If you two have started out very recently, he might have hidden it from you to avoid any complications. He thought, since it’s the initial stage, you might think otherwise and leave him. So, you need to assure him that you won’t leave him all of a sudden. You will understand his situation and he is free to share everything with you without any inhibition.
- Have a talk or meet up with his ex
If your boyfriend’s ex has been disturbing him or annoying him for any reason, you can have a direct talk with his ex. Tell your boyfriend that a conversation with the ex can solve many issues. And if things are not beyond control you can set up a meeting with her as well. You can sort things out if needed.
Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend Because He Met His Ex?
You should not be in a relationship where you’re being cheated. If your boyfriend constantly meets his ex and hides it from you every time, even after giving him many chances, you should break up with that guy. Eventually, it will lead to a breakup because this is not a healthy relationship.
But if you know the real reason for hiding it from you, you should give him a chance. Just be clear with your boyfriend about the boundaries. Tell him you prefer disclosing everything to each other. You would also like it if there’s no relationship with his ex.
When your boyfriend knows what you like and dislike, and if he wants to have you in his life, he will not do this again. He will value you and your relationship. He will realize his mistake and promise you that no such thing would happen ever again.
A solid relationship will never have a communication gap. Also, proper communication can solve many problems and actually lead to a happier and healthier relationship.
So, guys if you’re in love with your girl, don’t hide such an essential matter from her. Most importantly, never hurt or disrespect her. Tell her the reason and she will surely understand.
And girls, if you are in a position like this, think practically and never make a decision in haste. Impulsive actions can backfire in the future. Consider the situation, sit down, and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. Don’t make assumptions and make things worse.
I strongly believe, two people have the power to make or break a relationship. So the choice is yours. Be honest and love each other.