The Female Mind Control Handbook
Love is an emotion that encompasses both positive and negative aspects of human nature. So love teaches you to be caring, compassionate, responsible but it also makes you feel angry, possessive, and jealous. So you must be wondering how do guys feel about jealous girlfriends?
Guy will not prefer to be with a jealous girlfriend. Jealousy is always detrimental to any relationship in the long term, creating doubts, fights, and trust issues. A jealous girlfriend can also invade into their personal spaces without prior warning or approval hence jealousy in any relationship is always frowned upon.
Guys like to be chased, a jealous comment from my girlfriend will not make me reconsider our relationship, however, when men feel that jealously has a direct impact on the way they live and perceive life, that is when all the problems begin.
Guys do not want their girlfriends to be jealous, as it is a sign of insecurity at its least and can border abusive tendencies at its worst.
Now some guys out there do prefer their partners to be moderately jealous, but even this is not very mature, its an ego boost at best, and if you are secure about where you stand, mind games for control are not necessary and my advice would be to do better.
A friend of mine had this insecure ex-girlfriend who was jealous of him spending time with his friends, there was no other reason than her wanting his attention all the time, it turned ugly at the point of their breakup where jealousy evolved to invading privacy and obsession. So guys are generally careful about your jealous bouts during the relationship.
So why do we accept jealously as a norm, or something present in all relationships? To understand this let us go and check out the reasons behind jealousy
The Cause Of Jealousy
It is important to know the cause of your jealousy as guys do not like jealous girlfriends, and if you are constantly jealous and are worried about it, the first step to address the issues is to know the cause.
The cause of jealousy largely lies with the fact that we want attention, which somehow translates to ‘be with me all the time’ in extreme cases. Underlying this feeling is the insecurity that your partner may not give you the attention you deserve or desire.
Seeking attention is all about validation that we bring value to our partners’ lives, it is not wrong, however, if you feel a constant need for attention address the core issue of insecurities instead of expecting your partner to be there 24/7.
If you are not able to talk about it, your partners’ actions will cause jealousy.
Am I Good Enough?
Say your partner is the guy of your dreams, his confidence, and personality sometimes overwhelms you to ask yourself the question am I good enough? This simply happens when we undermine our efforts in a relationship.
Often we forget that our partners choose to be with us not only for the way we look but also for our character.
We judge ourselves constantly of the have nots, instead of our efforts. In such scenarios, nothing is enough and we tend to ask for some kind of validation, when said validation is not received we tend to get jealous.
Reaction Is Mandatory
Not all couples are insecure, but sometimes jealousy can be due to failing to prioritize.
Something is going on with your life that you need to share, however, your partner was not there.
The lack of reaction from your partner may make you believe that other things in his life are more important than you.
Therefore the lack of reaction when you need him can cause jealousy and resentment towards the things he does.
Remember, you need to evaluate the cause for his absence instead of believing all his reasons to be an excuse to get out of his responsibility. Failure to do so leads to jealousy.
The way you perceive life matters, and there will be things you look at differently, say you are an outgoing person who loves to party, your guy has no problems with that but he never joins in.
He has a different outlook where he likes to hang out with some close friends and maybe you aren’t invited, that divide in perception may cause jealously where you feel left out or not involved enough.
The reason it is advisable to not take jealousy lightly is the adverse effects it has on your life.
Why jealousy Is Not Recommended?
Sometimes being jealous is taken lightly, it’s normal to feel jealous and this thought does not let us address the why. When you do not address why it can affect you, and your partners’ day-to-day life. So let’s look at why jealousy is not recommended.
Jealousy Is Not Attractive
The qualities that a guy looks for in a stable relationship are not just the looks, it also is about the maturity you exhibit. Maturity is to accept things as they are and to validate them through logical reasons.
Therefore when you get jealous of something purely in your head, your value as a person immediately decreases due to the breach of trust.
I have seen good relationships break off because the girl was too jealous to look up the real reasons for her insecurities. This is not an attractive trait you want to live with day in and out.
Jealousy Is A Powerplay
Not all couples do this but sometimes a guy will intentionally make you jealous, as an ego boost. Women can be competitive and making them compete for attention is the way to get more out of less.
Hence it is recommended to not play such immature games that damage your self-respect.
Jealousy Is A Desire For Unhealthy Validation
You cannot have it all, as it is impossible to validate every action that means something to you, expectations like these are the cause for jealousy.
When you start expecting validation for things you cannot compare to others in your partner’s life, say your partner greatly values a female friend’s decision-making, you cannot interfere and expect validation for it.
Humans are not meant to be perfect in every way, so accept the qualities your partner sees in you and help them when required.
Jealousy Is Being Clingy And Needy
An important aspect of being in a relationship is to be supportive of your partner, to be present in their times of need. All good relationships are built on it except when that responsibility turns into a burden.
The only way for responsibility to turn into a burden is when there is a misuse of the help provided. Jealousy can surely lead you to be clingy and needy, which over a while turns out to be a burden due to your constant need for security.
Jealousy Reflects Your Low Self-Esteem
If you are constantly jealous, it is a reflection of your low self-esteem. We get jealous when we compare ourselves or when we do not get something we desire.
The reason for this jealousy is low self-esteem. If you do not receive your worth, you can always talk about it, and decide your move going forward.
However low self-esteem often does not allow us to confront the issue instead we get jealous of things beyond our control.
Therefore we need to be confident and breach the subject into a discussion instead of being jealous.
How To Stop Feeling Jealous?
Once you realize that being jealous is not the answer to gain your partner’s recognition it is important to move on to the next step, which is to how to address jealousy to lead a healthy relationship.
Search The Cause
Now that you know guys, in general, do not like jealous girlfriends and you find yourself to be one, just find out the cause for your jealousy. The cause can be pretty simple like your insecurity towards his female friends or something very veiled like a certain problem/experience in your current life that is affecting your thought process.
Without finding out the reason for your jealousy there can be no way to move forward, hence this is always the first step.
Evaluate The Cause
Once you know the reason for feeling jealous. You need to evaluate whether the reason justifies further action. Say the reason for you feeling jealous is the hurt you received in your previous relationships, evaluate if the person you are seeing now has similar behavior patterns to your ex.
Once you can determine if it is something to worry about or just an assumption based on your previous experience we can move forward to address it.
Address The Cause
If the reason for your jealousy was just an assumption you made then changing your perception is enough. In such a situation all you need to do is believe in your guy and all should be well.
If though the cause for your jealousy is due to your partner not being present in your life or something that you cannot resolve on your own then you need to be brave and have a discussion on all the things bothering you.
Discuss The Solution
You need to sit down and have a conversation about your feelings. For example, you are jealous of a female friend who is close to your guy.
You need to tell him why you are jealous, it can be past experiences, or it can be your intuition, no matter the reason it has to be stated out loud, and once done you can discuss how to move forward from there.
Move Forward With The Solution
The solution for most cases of jealousy is pretty simple, that is to accept or not. Taking the same example, if your guy is close to a female friend and you are jealous of their relationship, the simple solution is to meet the friend and see for yourself if there is a cause for worry.
If the meet is constantly delayed or avoided, consider moving on instead of lowering your self-esteem and feeling jealous.
Jealousy at first can be reassuring for the guy, but it will always cause problems later on in a relationship.
Men and women fall and stay in love differently, Men want dependable women whereas women are more into hard-to-get guys. Therefore if you are fickle and jealous for no reason your man will not prefer this behavior in the long run.
So if your guy has not done anything specific to make you jealous then that should not make you worry in the first place.
Jealousy also can make your guy think that they have been misunderstood or that you are just someone possessive.
I think that the appeal of jealousy is that guys associate your jealousy with loyalty, that is jealousy equals value and fear of losing him, maybe in rare cases this is true however there are plenty of unfaithful women who tend to get jealous as well.
Guys now know this, and so the only reason why guys would be comfortable with jealousy is not that valid.
Hence it is better to accept jealousy for the vice it is instead of molding it into positive action for relationships.
Remember, true relationships thrive on honesty and cooperation, so instead of being jealous, work on a relationship as efforts never go to waste.