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[Effective Solution] I Can't Stop Thinking About Her After Break Up

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“Out-of-sight, out-of-mind” may never be a real possibility for some of us. You can’t stop thinking about her and it’s natural. You will not be able to stop thinking about her unless you can figure out the reasons for still sticking around, even after such a long time.

To stop thinking about her after your break-up, you need to find the cause for feeling this way and work on it. Different people process hurt differently, and so you need to take a look into what exactly is bothering your progress from moving on and then work on it till thinking about your ex becomes a thought in passing. 

It’s reasonable to think that you will think of your ex after the breakup. In fact, I would encourage you to think of your ex right after the breakup instead of avoiding it. 

Why? Because feelings need to be processed, the good, bad, or the ugly, all these memories and feelings you derived from the relationship have influenced you in some way, to make you into the person you are. 

The troublesome part of this entire endeavor is the time you spent thinking about your Ex. Taking time to reflect on your actions is a great way of acceptance, obsessing over what your ex is doing, not so much!

So if you find yourself constantly thinking of her after your break-up, you need to find the cause for feeling this way.

Causes For Constantly Thinking About Her

The reasons for break-up are generally the cause for you to keep thinking of her, it can be the regrets, guilt, remembering the times spend together and so many others. The key here is to identify your cause so that you can start the process of moving on. 


Wish I had done things differently, and we could still have been together. The afterthought to reflecting on your actions is regret for all things done wrong. The guilt of losing a loved one due to your mistakes leads you to keep visiting that memory. 

Regrets can also be due to investing your time and effort in someone who could not appreciate it. So, it is important for us, to address our regrets and learn from our mistakes for a better tomorrow. 

Miss The Bonding

Even great relationships break apart if you had a good run with your partner, shared and cared for each other, you may be constantly thinking about her because you miss the bonding.

Guys who had a friendship in a relationship tend to think about their ex and her support all the time. The guy will definitely miss her not just as a past lover but also miss sharing those amazing moments with her as a friend. 

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So if you are constantly thinking of your Ex, it may be because you miss spending time with her and there is a constant void in that place. 

No Closure

Many guys tend to keep thinking about their ex when there was no closure to the break-up. If you find yourself out of your loved ones' life, a reason is surely warranted. But most of the time there is no particular reason, or the reasons are never good enough.

With no closures in a relationship, you will constantly think of the fault, or whose fault? or can we get back? 

This is dangerous, firstly because playing the blame game when there is no closure is surely not the answer. Secondly, you are constantly thinking of her with a plethora of emotions like desire, guilt, confusion, which does not allow you to think objectively and movie on.

Emotional Zombie

An emotional zombie believes that he has successfully moved on but with a mere mention of her, or her new life, his thoughts and feelings come rushing back to life like the walking dead. 

Sometimes emotional zombies do this as there was no closure, other times because they have not truly moved on and accepted why the relationship did not work out. 

So if your feeling keeps resurfacing at the mention of her, you need to know that you have not moved on but repressed all such feelings. Kill the optimism and think objectively/practically when you start to get those feelings back.

The breakup happened for a reason, so remember those reasons and let go.


You can be constantly thinking of your ex, but not necessarily out of love. Anger motivates you just as well. You might be constantly thinking about your Ex if they have hurt and wronged you in some way.

If the cause for the break-up was infidelity or she hurt you and moved on, the hurt turns to anger pretty fast. 

It’s not your fault, you deserve to be angry and hurt but if you do it for a prolonged period this anger will not let you move on. 

If the cause for you to constantly think about her is anger, it is imperative that you move on from this phase as fast as possible. The longer you wait, the more harmful it is to your mindset. 

Once you have figured out the cause for your hurt, you will be able to move on from the situation, trust me this comes from personal experience, here I empathize with you for not being to stop thinking about her yet. 

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I did too, after my break-up, followed a painful month of regrets, after which a few weeks of confusion as there was no closure. Experienced being an emotional zombie when the news of her engagement hit me in the months to come. All I can say is that it takes time and serious consideration to move forward, it’s not easy for quite some of us but we have to let go. 

So, here are a few ways to let go and stop thinking of your ex.

Ways To Stop Thinking Of Your Ex 

The effective solution to stop thinking about your ex is to first step to leading a more self-assured and productive life, if you can channelize all that energy and time into something worthwhile you will be able to live, laugh and let go better. So here are a few steps to consider to stop thinking about your Ex.

Cut Contact

It is advisable to not be in any contact with your ex till you have a rock-solid mentality to not let her affect you. Phone numbers, messages across social media or even constantly thinking about her life without you in it, puts you in a position of constant recall. 

Avoid contact so that you don’t have to visit those good and bad memories, doing so is not productive instead, sort out the lessons you learned from this relationship as soon as you can and move on keeping the lessons in mind. 

Address The Cause

Do not hide or avoid the cause of your break-up, guys tend to bottle up their feelings and keep them, hidden from the world and themselves. 

Address the cause, if all you do is avoid the issue, you will always be in some form of denial, unable to grieve or take steps towards improving your fault. 

If you were not at fault, addressing the cause still helps, you stop putting blame on your ex and instead realize your worth and this helps you move on. 


Anger, resentment, regrets come from living in denial of the things that went wrong. Keeping the tough act on, not addressing your pain stops you from grieving. 

The hurt and pain only keep growing and in return, you constantly think of your ex. How things could have been done differently is just wishful thinking, instead, accept that things went wrong, grieve, letting all that repressed resentment out. 

You will be able to then slowly move on, the more you normalize the regrets the faster you move on. 

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Get Creative

Channel all the energy and time you put into thinking of her into your creative journey, It may be to paint, write poetry, workout anything that helps to get better and productive.

To get creative is to spend less time thinking about the things that could have been while moving in the correct direction of self-love and self-improvement. 

Getting creative also helps you gain back the confidence you lost in yourself after a bad--breakup, it helps, as self-love and confidence is the first step towards a better relationship in the future. 

Seek Counseling

The pain you feel are messengers, you should listen, they teach you the best of lessons. However, in the event, you find yourself unable to understand or confused about how you should feel, seek counseling. 

Mental health should be the number one priority for you, as it will decide how fast and efficiently you can get over and stop thinking about your Ex. And so having someone to guide you through that path can be reassuring, especially if you are having mixed feelings about your break-up.

An Open Mind To Explore

It’s high time for you to let go, you have been improving, self-loving, and even though there are thoughts of your Ex still at the back of your mind, you keep an open mind to go out and explore new possibilities. 

You don’t need a psychic to tell you your odds at a successful relationship, but having the openness and bravery to let yourself be vulnerable again is a must. 

As you move into a new relationship, you effectively phase out the last one. Maybe you will compare your past to the present yet moving on to something new helps to let the past be in the past. 

So do not close yourself, be open to love again and explore your world.

In the end, stopping yourself from thinking about your Ex is a tough task to accomplish. If you were in a serious relationship it is painful and thinking of her is the only way to lessen the pain, but that is just a temporary measure to your ever-lasting pain, instead put in the effort to move on.

Putting effort in anything is tough, so is moving on completely, do it in steps, normalize your feelings, address the issues, grieve and have an open mind to seek help and explore new possibilities. 

This is how you will be able to stop constantly thinking about your ex. Build strength of character and move towards a better future. 


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