The end of a relationship is always an emotional rollercoaster of grief and confusion, the question, is he still interested? is there a chance to get back together? can haunt your mental peace even more.
So if your ex hasn’t given you your stuff back, such questions may intensify your confusion about how things are going on his end.
The reason your ex has not given you your things back is he needs time to process his feelings whether good or bad. If he is in a negative space right now, he may not have given you your things back out of a grudge, or it's because he has not moved on from you yet.
Having such an unclear situation is troublesome because it gets you stuck, and does not let you move on to a new chapter in your life.
So, if you find yourself confused about why your ex has not given you your stuff back let’s look at the reasons for them
The Reasons For Not Giving You Your Stuff Back
When you do not receive your things back, especially after an emotionally hurtful breakup, you may flare up, at the unfairness of it.
You do have the right to get angry, but the reasons mentioned below give you an overall description about the ‘why’ he has not given you your things back.
He Cannot Let Go Yet
After a break up if your ex still has feelings for you, he may keep a few things of yours, just to remember you by.
Giving away your things back may be the final step on accepting the breakup and starting a new journey
And so he may be keeping your things as a reminder of all the good times you spent together.
So giving them back has been harder on him due to this.
Waiting For Closure
The reason your ex may be holding on to your stuff is that he is still waiting for that last meeting to finally gets his closure.
Sometimes the reason for things not working out is not clear! Some guys hold on to their ex’s things to get that last opportunity to meet and ask what went wrong.
So if he is still not giving you your things back maybe he is expecting a text from you instead.
He Is Bitter
If the relationship did not end on mutual terms, he might be bitter and just chucked out all of the things that reminded him of you.
Human beings fail to rationalize emotions when there is too much hurt. If he was hurting, the chance is your things are not with him anymore.
So, in such a case it's better not to look backward, but move on towards the better future you imagined instead of focusing on what happened to your stuff.
He Is Not Physically Reachable
Well although rare, and if you have no clue what your ex has been doing lately, there is a possibility that your ex is no longer in town.
If the cause for a breakup is long distance, chances are that he was unable to return your belongings before heading out on his new journey.
If you have sentimental value attached to your things, leave him a text and if all goes well you may receive your belongings in the mail.
He Is Possessive And Controlling
If your ex is controlling, your things may be the last leverage he has over you. Such a person would intentionally keep your things as a way to keep him on your mind.
If you fall under such a situation you can either confront or forget, If you, however, do decide to confront be sure not to confront him alone.
If you have no sentimental value attached to the things your ex has, just forgive and forget. Remember your well-being is always more important than proving a point.
These are a few reasons why your ex may have decided to hold on to your things. The decision now lies with you, do you pursue or forget.
If you still find yourself asking for your things back here are a few ways to make it slightly easier for you to get your things back.
Ways To Get Your Things Back From Your Ex
Getting things back from your ex depends on the character of your ex.
If he is a responsible adult, you need not fret as the conversation will go smooth, however, if he is any less you may need to follow these steps to get your things back.
Choose a time, comfortable for both of you to get the job done. You can choose a weekend, with nothing going on, set things up and commit to finally getting your things back.
Being sensitive to each other's time is important to leave everything on a positive note. You don't want to just walk over and be like, “Suprise!!, can I have my things back now.”
If he is already having a bad day, the frustrations tend to flare up. So, you need to choose a time along with your ex to get your things back.
Where to do the exchange is as important as the time to do it. Let your ex know if you are not comfortable going back to his place to collect your things.
Go for a public setting along with a friend if he insists on meeting you, however, if the breakup was on a mutual front, you may even request them to send it via mail.
Whether to meet or not is up to your comfort zone, and you should take decisions based on your prior experience of the relationship.
So if you are comfortable, set up a place and get your things back from your ex.
The Delivery Option
You do not have to ask your ex to deliver your things personally, you may request him to mail your things back or ask a common friend to receive them for you.
If it's something valuable or deeply sentimental to you, it is better to choose the in-person delivery as things might get lost in the mail.
So decide your mode of delivery based on the worth of the things you left behind.
The Things You Really Want Back
The definition of your “things” is very important to decide, some of us do not want our exes to have any association with the things related to us.
So asking back for everything makes sense, however, if you ask him to return the things truly important to you, the weightage of the ask is much more.
Asking for the things truly important creates a positive ask instead of feelings of vengeance or anger.
Your ex will instantly know if asking for your things back is a final petty act or a sincere ask for the things that matter to you.
So you know how to ask your things back, but what are your reasons to get in touch with your ex, are they only due to getting back things or is there something more.
The Reasons For Asking Your Things Back
You need to identify the real reasons for asking your things back. The benefit of doing so is that it gives you a sense of purpose while asking for your things.
It also warns you if your reasons for asking are not just about ownership of the things you left behind.
If the reason for you asking your things back is to finally put your step down and move forward, it's one of the right reasons to do so.
A constant reminder that things that matter to you are with your ex, can put your moving on efforts on hold.
So if the reason you want your things back from your ex is to finally close that chapter, you are on the right track.
Your ex has always been controlling and somehow you feel that getting your things back from your ex is a way to feel empowered for your journey ahead.
It's a good idea, standing up for yourself is about your self-confidence going ahead in life.
If you feel that putting your foot down to get back your things from your ex is a form of empowerment for you then you are on the right track.
The things you left behind have a deep sentimental value to you, something that you miss and want back due to the memories it holds. In such a scenario it is only right for you to ask your things back.
When dealing with things of sentimental value, your ex can be vengeful if the relationship ended on a bad note for him.
So you can ask a mutual friend to talk on your behalf explaining the significance of the things left behind.
Doing so will create a much-needed space for dialogue and if the mutual friend is someone he respects, he might give you your things back.
The reason for you asking your things back is to meet your ex for one last time to ask for closure. The reason then shifts from asking for your things to why did we end up this way.
Asking for closure, if you need it for moving on, is a justifiable reason.
However, it's a tricky road, make sure that you are mentally strong while asking for closure, the end picture and the things told are not always pretty
A Message To You
Often we overthink when it comes to love, the after-effects of a relationship breaking off sometimes spirals off to extreme ends.
So if you want all our things first decide for yourself the reason you want them back. I am supportive of all the reasons that will impact you positively, for example, you want your things back as they hold sentimental value or you want your things back as a final stand against your ex’s bullying.
Such reasons are good enough to go and ask for your things. But if your reasons are more towards pettiness, or just to get a reaction out of your ex I believe that you should instead just move forward.
The decision is yours for sure, but spend your life doing things that will make a better ‘you’ tomorrow and all the other questions will be answered if you give it time.
When your ex gives you your stuff back it most likely is due to two reasons one is your ex has finally decided to move on, and giving you your things back is his way of letting you go or maybe your ex has someone else in his life and he wants to get rid of all things that can question his loyalty.
Before jumping into the calling the authorities option, try asking a common friend to mediate, and hope for him to see reason. If the things he holds have a sentimental value or monetary value and you cannot live without them, the mutual friend option is not viable, and after repeated reminders of asking your thing back, he still is adamant to not give them back, you should involve the authorities.
Not weird, but he has not moved on from you yet if he is still holding on to your clothing, give them time, once he realizes how futile the task is he will give them back. Giving a grieving man some time sometimes is the right thing to do. We all love differently hopefully he realizes that it’s over and moves on with his life too.