What Should I Do When My Ex Wants Me Back?

Nishtha Tutlani
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Relationships are complicated, a relationship that has broken is even more complicated. Your relationship with your ex-partner can be even more complicated, we all have gone through it and it’s never any less intricate. There are many phases in a relationship, the honeymoon period when it’s all flowery and lovely, the dynamic when you are all excited to know each other and learn new things about each other and the list goes on. There are even more phases in a breakup. 

The actual breaking it to one another that you no longer wants to be together, the fights/ arguments phase, the going back in time and remembering the good and the bad times understanding where you went wrong. It’s all a journey which you go through either on your own or with your ex together if it ended on good terms. 

Whichever way, breakups are hard, life-changing for some, an eye-opener for others or completely shattering for a few. One of the breakup phases could be when your ex tries to get back to you. Let’s discuss this phase in detail. 

What should you do when your ex wants you back? When your ex tries to get back to you, just ask yourself if you are still in love with them! If you still do, get back to them. If not, then there is no point. We know love is not all that matters, but it matters a lot. If you two have stayed apart and still have a will to get back together and work harder on your relationship, then do! 

Although, it’s not the case all the time, so ask yourself what you really want. If you want to get back or not. Even if you are getting an urge to run back to them, ask yourself if it’s for the right reasons. 

So before dive into the details let's first try to understand the reasons for your break-up, it helps you to recall the incident and also helps you to take the decision of patch-up in a broader way.

Why Did You Break-Up? 

However there can be plenty of causes of a breakup, and it's hard for me to know the exact reasons for your breakup until we know each other, but here are some common solid reasons which come to my mind.

They Cheated

Well, this is a sure killer of any relationship. If your ex-partner got involved with someone else, emotionally or physically, while they were already in a relationship with you, and cheats on you, this is the worst scenario that you can face. If this was the reason for your breakup, we know you have been hurt badly by them, and can’t stand looking at them.

In this situation, calm yourself down and understand their side of the story now if you are genuinely considering getting back with your ex. Know why it happened, whatever happened. Try to understand the cause. It can be because they got attracted to someone else and happened at the moment because they were bored or you two got into a fight that’s why it happened. 

Understand the reason and then ask yourself if it can happen again. Ask yourself if you love them and if they love you and it was a genuine mistake. There is nothing right or wrong in a relationship, if getting back together feels like the right thing to do for you two then do it, if not, then not. 

They Were Toxic

People are toxic, our exes could have been toxic, even parents, siblings, or friends, anyone can be toxic for your mental and physical health. When in a relationship, one person’s needs and wants are more important than the other’s. When they treat you as an option or as someone not important to them. When they make you feel less worthy and it directly affects your mental health because all the negative energy about you is coming from your own partner.

If this is the reason why you broke up, it’s better that you stay this way. Going back to something toxic after you’ve gotten out of it once can be a big mistake. So take care of yourself first and stay away from toxic people and make sure that you are never the toxic one in any of your relationships. 

You Were Not Happy 

The other reason for the breakup could be that you simply weren’t happy in your relationship. Maybe you both could not get enough time to spend with each other. Or whenever you spent the time you would fight about one reason or the other. Or there could be understanding problems between you two, or maybe you lost the spark, there could be any reason why you weren’t happy together. 

If you broke up due to these reasons and if they come back to you and are willing to work on the broken relationship, then it is doable. The relationship can come on the right track and be get the best of you two if you both are willing to work on it. If you still love them and are willing to put more effort into this broken relationship, then you two may actually be able to work it out and have a happily ever after. 

Because Of Family/Friends 

If you broke up because your best friend doesn’t approve of them then that is a really bad reason to break up with any partner. You can always make it work between those two if it works well between you two! 

The family could be another reason as to why you broke up with them, they may not approve of your partner and this too can be settled if proper communication is done between the two parties. Understand your family’s or friend’s point of view and counter it with logical explanations on behalf of your partner and your relationship.

We understand that approval from your close ones can be important to you as a person but if you loved your ex and they loved you just as much, then the relationship deserves a good chance at making it work between you two. 

Now let's look into your ex's perspective to understand the reasons behind his/her intention to patch up.

Why Does Your Ex Want To Get Back To you? 

There can be numerous reasons why your ex now wants to get back with you after all that happened. Knowing their intention is a must as even if you two do get back together, you will always know what the relationship is about and where it is going from their end. So, there are many reasons why your ex would want you back, let’s discuss these in detail: 

They Genuinely Made A Mistake 

It can be true that they genuinely made the mistake of breaking things with you and might genuinely miss you. It often happens that we get to know the worth of something only when we lose it. They might finally know your worth and how much they are in love with you only after losing you. 

They Have A Habit Of You 

When you have a habit of talking to someone every day, and when that bond completely vanishes it is often hard for us to cope up with the changes. It can mean that they feel lonely and that’s why they want to get back with you so they don’t have to face their emotions or themselves. In this situation getting back together will feel easy and people often tend to go back to their ex-partners but it’s not the healthiest way to lead things in life. 

You Make Their Life Easy

It often happens that one person gets very much dependent on their partner and then when that relationship ends, everything in life becomes difficult. For example, in a relationship, a boy is dependent on his girlfriend/ wife to do the cooking for him all the time. Now when they break up or go through a divorce, a big responsibility is left unattended and can become a reason for problems and discomfort. 

They Want To Settle

People are hopeless romantics and many times, we settle for whatever we get. They want to settle might be the reason as in they are too tired to start a new relationship in their lives and just want to settle with whatever they had. There comes a phase when we lose all hope and just want dynamics to stop and settle in at least one sphere of life. This can be a toxic trait if you are considering it, as love is not the reason hereof getting back together. 

Now that you know the reason why your ex-partner wants to get back with you, the point is, do you want to get back with them? There can be many reasons why you will consider getting back with them and want to give it another chance. Let's look into those.

Do You Want To Get Back To Your Ex? 

Often we feel an urge to make things work with the person we spent time with and invested ourselves for the time being. Just because we invested ourselves doesn’t mean we should, so think about it, if you are considering it, is it for the right reasons? 

Because You Love Them

If you are sure, that they are the one for you, that they make your heart smile and your blood flow smoother, then without thinking another minute, just go for it.

A love like this is not found very often, and if you have found it, then you already know the pain of losing it too. So, make an effort, make it work with them when life is giving you another chance. Maybe they are just as much in love and you two can actually make it work by simply communicating effectively. 

Because They Love You 

Do they love you a lot and you are not so sure anymore? They were your partner at one time so surely you are still attached to each other. You were once in love but are unable to feel it anymore in you? Well then, take your time and let them know that you need time.

Just because they need you in life does not make you responsible for their feelings anymore. Take care of yourself first and ask yourself if you genuinely want to get back together or not. 

Because They Are Rich 

Often it is about the financial status and comfort that we stick with our exes or make new relationships altogether. Maybe you weren’t happy in the relationship but were too scared to leave the pros your ex comes with.

If you are considering the pros they bring with themselves rather than if you are into them, then it’s a toxic reason to be with someone which won’t end in a happy and healthy relationship. 

Because Your Friends/Family Know About Them 

Sometimes a partner gets so close to you that you introduce them to your friends and even family thinking that things will genuinely work out with them. But times change, people change, and now people around you have a pre-settled notion of you and your partner as a couple.

Breaking the news about a breakup to your friends and family might be hard but don’t be too scared of the peer pressure that it makes you stay in an unhappy relationship. 

Because You Are Lonely 

When someone who was once important to us leaves our life, we tend to feel depressed or lonely. No matter how the relationship was, the feeling that you at least have someone, that mental satisfaction blinds us to see what’s going wrong in our relationship.

Now that you have broken up, you might feel alone which can make you desperate for companionship regardless of how unhealthy the other person is for your mental health. 

If this is the case, then it’s better you focus on being more productive and keep yourself busy so you don’t feel the need for someone else to complete you. 

Because You Are Dependent On Them 

Just like you can make their life easy, the same goes for them. They may make your life easy too, maybe you are too dependent on them as well that when they leave, your life unsettles. It happens in any relationship when someone important is no longer a part of your daily routine, things get unsettling, but rather than running back to your ex, settle them!

You’ll get used to the new routine in no time, it’s healthy for you as well as your ex to settle the unsettlement and have your own new individual routines. 

They feel like home, love you, and Genuinely care for you and you also can’t stay away for long from them, you know you are going to have a hard time getting over them. In this case, always remember why you broke up in the first place, the reason for your breakup is of much importance in deciding whether you want to get back or not. 

Things To Keep In Mind If You’re Thinking Of A Patch-Up 

Fights, disagreements, arguments happen in any relationship. Breakups are a part of it, so after all, if you plan on getting back together with your ex, then here are a few things to keep in mind before you take the step. 

  • To actually work on the issue as to why you broke up in the first place. Remember, you went through all that, now it’s time to fix the fights and understand the differences between you two. Both of your hearts have been broken once, make sure to make it actually work this time now that you two have decided to give your relationship another chance. 
  • Don’t ignore the red signs this time. You two broke up for a reason and don’t make the same mistakes again and try to improve yourself and read the red signs that might lead to any fight. Rather than ignoring the wrongs, talk about them and make them the rights in your relationship. 
  • Accept your mistakes. You cannot clap with one hand, similarly, anything that happens between two people, it’s never only one person’s fault. So look into it and accept your mistakes and apologize for them. It will only build the relationship stronger if both the people are accepting and growing. 
  • Give it your hundred percent. This is the second time you both are willing to work on your relationship, which shows that both of you want to make it work. So don’t let it go to waste. Actually give it your hundred percent effort and communicate with your partner about the same. They are after all someone in whom you are again willing to invest your time and efforts. 

We know breakups are hard, and when in that phase if your loved one comes back and makes amends you might get desperate to give it another try. Love is a beautiful thing that makes us do stupid things. This time, don’t be stupid and assess everything before you take a step towards getting back with your ex. Assess things, situations, make sure it’s for real this time and no one is playing around, and then make a decision as to what is best for you and your mental health. 


How do I know if my ex is serious about getting back together?

Don’t just jump back to their idea of getting back. When they tell you that they want to get back together, give this idea some time, with time, if they keep asking you, again and again, to get back with them, if they are putting efforts to talk to you and keep updated with what is going on in your life, then yes, they are serious about getting back. If no efforts can be seen, if they just said it once in a joking manner then no, don’t give it too much thought as they are probably playing around. 

Can exes fall back in love?

Two people, who have had a past can definitely fall in love again. Maybe they never got out of love, or maybe the new person they are right now after the years fell again for each other. It is possible and it is beautiful when two souls come back to each other and make it work after going through everything. 

How do I know if my ex has moved on?

You cannot know for sure unless you ask them directly. If they still call you and text you repeatedly like old times, or if they still remember and care about the little things you two had, then there is a chance that they are not over you yet either. But to be sure, you can always just ask them directly, slip it in a conversation and know how they feel. 

Do all exes eventually come back?

No, all exes do not come back, some move on for the good and some do not. It depends on people, what they want with their lives individually and what they want with their relationships, it can vary from person to person.


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