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Why Does My Ex Contact Me When He's Married?

Why Does My Ex Contact Me When He's Married

Marriages are believed to be a sacred bond. Two people take vows together to spend their lives together, be with each other in ups and downs, in happiness and sadness. But not every relationship converts into a marriage. 

People break up and move on with new partners and settle down. But feelings do not leave the mind and heart sometimes quite easily. 

So, you have broken up with your partner and you are aware that your Ex has got married and you are happy to know it. Then where’s the problem? 

When you still get messages from your ex even when he’s married. You are in quite a perplexing situation. You are unsure of what to do. So let's figure it out.

Why Does Your Ex Contact You When He’s Married?

He has contacted you because he has not got over you, he wants to show off his happy married life, he wants to be sure whether you have moved on fully or he wants to maintain a friendly relationship with you or he is unhappy with his wife.

You are ought to be surprised to get a sudden message from your Ex and it becomes more awkward when your ex is married. You will start wondering the reasons behind your ex’s actions. 

The reasons can be various. However, it depends upon you how you want to respond to his messages or calls. After all, he is a married man now. Would you like to indulge in this? 

Probable Reasons Why Your Ex Is Still Contacting You Even Though He’s Married?

There can be several reasons for that, so let's find out those.

#1 Your Ex Was Forced To Marry Someone Else

This is a sad story but not untrue. Many couples even being in love sometimes have to take such hard decisions. In most cases, family pressure is the main reason. Parents do not allow their kids to marry someone from a different religion or culture. 

So if you had to break up with your partner because of his family pressure, then chances are that both of you will take a good amount of time to move on. Obviously, in a scenario like this, your ex-partner could not marry the person of his choice. He was forcibly married to someone else. 

It is hard for him to forget you and be happy with his new partner all of a sudden. He spent a lot of time with you and had many moments of happiness with you. It is very likely for him to contact you even when he is already in a marriage. 

It is a clear sign, that he has not been able to forget you completely. He wants to hold onto you in some ways. So keeping in contact with you will give a sense of comfort in his otherwise new, not so comfortable married life.

It can also be a sign of his guilt. He is quite guilty of the fact that he had to let go of you because of his family.

He was helpless in that situation and now the only option for him to reduce his guilt is to stay in touch with you.

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He will message you initially to check upon you, how you are going through the situation. Then he might apologize for his failure of not convincing his parents enough. 

He would like to keep a distant yet healthy relationship with you. He would wish you on your birthdays, ask about your progress in life. He will not be jealous of your new partner rather he will wish you a good future. 

In such cases, resentment is not the reason for your ex to contact you when he’s married. He wants to dilute his guilt and be actually sorry for his inability.

  • What should you do?

So, if you face a situation like this, never respond to your ex out of anger. You too have to consider his side of the story. 

If you feel he is genuinely messaging you to keep a healthy formal relationship, then you can respond to his messages cordially.

But both of you must know where to draw the boundaries. You can’t let old emotions come back to you all over again. Act and deal like mature adults. 

#2 Your Ex Is Contacting You When He’s Married Because He Wants To Show Off His “Married-Life”

Yes, people like this definitely exist in the real world. Some exes would not leave you even after the breakup. They are quite kiddish in nature and you must not take them seriously.

If you were a couple during college years or school years and could not make it any further, you can face a situation like this. It is an impulse for the guys to show off how happily married he is even though you two have separated long ago.

Both of you are now settled in your career and you take that college relationship as a casual and stupid one. But your ex still hasn’t become rational. 

His intention is to suddenly show up in your inbox and saying “hi” to you out of the blue. You will be amazed to see his text and out of courtesy you too will respond. But as the conversation progresses, you will realize that he is here not to catch up with you or be friends with you again.

He actually starts telling about his wife, how they are perfect for each other, how lucky he is to have her in his life, and so on. He will go on with his full love story about how he met his wife, how his wife is different from other girls, how compatible they are with each other. You will have to go through a rant on all the good qualities that his wife possesses. And you will understand that you do not fit into this picture at all.

You are nowhere in this conversation. It’s only about your ex and his wife and their picture-perfect married life. Some guys go even extra length starts giving details about their honeymoon and share pictures as well.

  • Your response:

This is an outright red signal for you. You have to stop the conversation right away. Otherwise, he will keep on updating you with all his married life details.  You can start ignoring his messages and stop replying. 

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He is doing all of this only to seek your attention and to show off his rosy love life. So if he doesn’t get the desired attention from you, he will eventually stop his stupidity. 

#3 Ex Isn’t Sure Whether You’ve Moved On So He Contacts You When He’s Married 

Maybe you two broke up for a very serious reason like cheating. And your ex was the one who cheated on you. That heartbreak must have been quite difficult for you. 

You are trying to move on and forget all your old scars and suddenly you find your ex’s message slowly creeping into your inbox. Your ex must be happily married now since he apparently found someone better than you and left you. Then why should he bother to contact you?

The answer is, he wants to know whether you have moved on. He was very much aware of his past actions and why he left you. But after that, he had no clue about your whereabouts. His intention basically is to know if you have found any new guy in your life.

He hasn’t come here to say “sorry” to you for cheating on you or leaving you. He will start off his chat casually asking you- “How are you?”, “What are doing these days?” and then he will try to get details about your personal life. 

These guys feel that they still have the right to know everything about your private life. And that’s why they don’t hesitate to ask such personal questions even when they’re married. 

They will try to know how did you move on or if you have found any partner. If you are in a relationship, then he will ask questions about your partner, his career, and other details. He will probably keep in touch with you only for a few days until he is sure about you. After getting all the information, he can once again disappear from your life.

  • How will you handle it?

You should never indulge in this kind of conversation. You need to keep in mind that he was the one who hurt you. And now he has come only to satisfy his own curiosity. He is not at all concerned about you. So the best thing to do for yourself would be to cut off all kinds of communication with your ex. 

#4 Your Ex Is Having An Unhappy Married Life

Sometimes guys realize the worth of their girlfriends only after breaking up. He can break up with you for different reasons and then he moves on settles down in his life with his new partner. You would surely think, that he must be really sure about his partner hence he chose to marry. 

But the guy realizes after being in the marriage for a while how much he misses you or how good you were to him. He feels that his wife is unable to match up to his expectations. 

You had all the qualities for a perfect relationship which his wife lacks very much. Maybe he is not that much compatible with his wife. His wife does not take enough care of him. He does not have the same emotional balance with his wife which he shared with you. He certainly doesn’t have an exciting married life. And that’s when he starts thinking about you.

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Out of impulse, he will contact you. He will try to be nice to you and would like to keep a friendship with you. Your ex might want to meet you for a coffee to share his struggles of married life. 

He will like to have your company as a friend with whom he can share his feelings freely. He might apologize for hurting you as well. 

  • Your reactions to this:

In these cases, the intentions are not harmful. But they should not be given enough importance simply because it’s too late now. He could have saved the relationship when it was the right time. 

Coming back to you now when he is married doesn’t make any sense. You can continue to have a conversation with him lightly over texts. But meeting him will not be a good option. If you meet, you will always remain a fall-back option for him. Would you like to be an alternative for him? No- right? So take charge of yourself and don’t let your ex make a comeback to your life. 

#5 Your Ex Wants To Be Friends With You Again

This is a common saying that exes can’t be friends. But some exes can have a sweet friendly relationship even when they are happily married.

It mostly happens when you had a great friendship with your ex and it was the solid friendship that made you fall in love with each other. 

But marriage was the final destination for the two of you. You two have accepted the fact and moved on happily.

Now if your ex wants to keep in touch with you when he’s married, it is because he wants to maintain a healthy friendship with you. After all, you two were good friends. Here your ex will not bother you by asking too many personal questions. He hasn’t come to you to beg you. He is also not asking for a hook-up.

He is totally aware that is married and you also have made progress in your life. He only wishes to have a cordial relationship with you just as any other friend.

He will not bring back the bitter past or accuse you of anything. Your ex will occasionally message you, send greetings on festivals, etc. Nothing too deep or serious.

  • What should be your reply?

You also don’t need to worry about his messages and rather take it lightly. Share memes with each other, have some fun little chat, and do not overthink it. 

Things will stay simple if none of you bring back emotions making it complex.

Let’s Wrap Up         

So, now you know why your ex is contacting you even when he’s married. It is your responsibility to understand the perspective of your ex and act accordingly. Too much indulgence can ruin not only his married life but also your life. So think wisely and have control over your heart. 

Would you respond to your ex if he contacts you when he’s married? Let us know your thoughts in the comment section below. 


Start a conversation. post with kindness.

2 comments on “Why Does My Ex Contact Me When He's Married?”

  1. All the solutions given here are too reasonable and to some extent puritan. Still emotions are beyond control sometimes and through that loophole comes extra-marital relation. If emotions could be controlled people would be perfect in every sphere of life.

    1. Emotions have the power to make or break a person, and in this case, it's a relationship. we must be responsible for our actions and never let emotions ruin our relationships. Thank you for your perspective. We are glad to have readers like you who engage in our content. Thank you very much and stay tuned to our website for more.

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