Relationships most often do not last, what we are left with at the end is bitter-sweet memories and the “things” he left behind associated with these memories.
Should you give your ex his things back? You should give your ex his things back. Giving his things back does not make you spiteful instead it showcases your maturity and willingness to move forward to a new chapter of your life. You appreciate their care during the relationship and are giving them proper closure to avoid any lingering feelings.
Leave it at the front porch of his house if you are uncomfortable meeting your ex, remember the act of giving back his things is about your mental comfort and empowerment.
Reasons For Giving His Things Back
You are reading this article to understand why giving his things back is important for you. Here we cover the reasons for you and moving forward as you contemplate whether to take this step the reasons below will help you.
Your Way Of Letting Go
Giving your ex his things back can be your way of putting your foot down on accepting the breakup and starting your new journey.
After the break up you don’t want these things lying around to remind you of all the things that went wrong.
So giving them up is firstly for benefit as well and you should focus on that as well.
Your Way Of Empowerment
Often the things left behind remind us of all that went wrong. Choosing to return these things will empower you to let go of these memories that do not matter anymore.
Let’s say you keep on looking at the coffee mug he left behind in the morning, it has associated memories to it. Would you want to visit down memory lane in the busiest time before work or would it be better to hand over that mug and save yourself some important time?
Your Way Of Morality
You may choose to throw them out if it’s been some time, legally it would be considered abandoned property.
Morally however you may choose to give back his things and end things on a good note. It depends completely on your experience of the relationship and the courtesy you want to extend out.
Your Way Of Committing To Your Present
An act of giving back the things from your ex sends a positive message to your current relationships. If you are civil about handling the situation it creates a positive and mature impression.
Your current partner will appreciate being with someone who cares enough to let go of things in a proper way instead of hoarding or throwing away things that meant something.
Giving back can also imply that you are completely over with your past attachments without any resentment, thus being ready to accept all that is to come without any emotional baggage holding you down.
Your Way Of Giving Closure
Sometimes your ex may be holding on to a hope that things will get better in the future. Giving back his things can also give him a reality check, that things are over and moving on is the best course of action.
This may mean very little in consideration but for the guy, it could very well help him move on with his life and find someone new in his life.
So these are a few among the many reasons why giving back his things will be good for you. However there are exceptions to every rule, there are cases where giving back his things are not feasible.
Let’s Visit Some Of The Unfeasible Reasons
The purpose of giving back his things is to gain closure but it should not come at a risk of harming yourself. Though not often relationships get ugly to deal with, and the below reasons can help you judge the parameters to giving his things back better.
Not all relationships end on a good note, some of them have uncomfortable endings, and giving things back may create more trouble than good.
Let’s take an example where you are nice enough to return their things and it creates an opportunity for your ex to constantly expect more from you.
Some people take signs of ‘moving on’ as signs of ‘something might happen if I try enough.’ You know the person you were with and if such is the situation you should just be done with it instead of opening up a civil dialogue.
If a relationship gets bitter you may receive requests to return things that are not reasonable. I know of unreasonable requests like return that home depot bucket or cleaner that he left at your place.
Returning the things your ex left-back is not about petty consumables, it is about returning things that you hold very dear and are willing to let go to move on to a new future.
So if there are such unreasonable requests please do ignore them or ask if they are mentally alright. As often seen such requests are a cry for attention and not really about the ‘thing’ they left behind.
Let’s assume your ex is no longer in the same country or city you live in. There is no need to go that extra mile to deliver their things to them. If it means so much to them they would not have left it in the first place or they want you to keep it as a keepsake for the good times.
It is then up to you to decide what action to take next, all that you need to remember is that you are not morally bound to go that extra mile.
Not For The Right Reasons
If you want to return his things to help connect back, it is not the right way to go for it. Remember that the relationship ended for a reason.
Keep reminding yourself about why you broke up in the first place and that should help you give up the things that you must for the right reasons, which is to move on and start something new.
Not For Spite
If your relationship ended on a very bad note it’s natural to be spiteful, we keep searching for ways to hurt the people we once loved as we are hurting too. But asking or returning things in spite defeats the entire purpose of returning his things.
If you are in such a situation you need to first let go of the spite, when the hurt does not affect you anymore, you will naturally want to get rid of all things that remind you of those days.
That is fine as it is the first step to accept the reason why things did not work out and taking steps to correct (giving it back) or understand them.
These were a few examples of why returning things to your ex is not always feasible but in the event, you do decide to go forward and return them let’s see how to do it.
How To Return The Things He Left Behind
This is a question that is the most important after you have decided to go for the deed. You see how you return his things can also create problems. Let’s say you mail it to him and the things get lost or the timing of it is all wrong.
To avoid such scenarios the below steps help.
Choose A Time
Choose a time both you and your ex are comfortable with and decide to get the job done. Preferably it’s a lazy weekend where the both of you have nothing to do, and things can move on from that.
Being sensitive to timing is necessary to keep that positive vibe going. Imagine a bad day at work or school and you get a visit from your ex delivering all the things that were important to you at some point.
The frustrations then tend to flare up, hence it is important to choose a time that is ordinary yet will get the job done.
Choose The Place
Where to do the handoff is on you, let them know that you are not comfortable handing over these things at his place or yours.
Choose a public setting or you can avoid all the hassle by mailing it to them. All such scenarios are possible and your decision should be based on your prior experience of the relationship.
Is it safe and are there going to be further complications are the only questions you need to ask yourself before setting the place.
Choose Your Mode Of Delivery
You don’t need to be one to deliver his things back, most often you can ask a common friend or anyone you are comfortable with to do so.
His things may have some personal belongings very important to him, for example, a pillowcase made of his childhood blanket or the very first gift that was given to you are sentimental objects that you want to handle personally.
So instead of mailing them as they might get lost in transit ask an acquaintance to deliver.
Such a method can stop all those complicated feelings from coming back and it’s safer than mail delivery.
Choose What To Give Back
Just because the relationship has ended does not mean that everything should be returned.
You need to understand the intent of the gift. If the gift was meant for you let’s say a painting he did of you or a gift deeply thoughtful that reflects his care and thoughtfulness need not be returned, doing so would hurt the person more.
Check your list of things and if you find something like that keep it safe for the old times and appreciate the thought that was put into it.
On a personal front after my break up I decided to give back all the things that had no sentimental value to me. I still remember asking my brother to help deliver them to her place as I wanted to avoid any complicated feelings later on.
The things I did keep were her first gift to me or the sketch she drew on a whim, small things that give a flashback to the good times.
Though in my case these are just fond memories and mean nothing more, so if you feel the same then go ahead with it.
I would advise you to not keep things from your ex if they act as a deterrent to moving on from them, but cherishing memories is not bad at all.
This ends my article on if you should give your ex his things back, to sum it all up Yes you can give them back their things but you can also be selective about it.
Returning them their things should only be about giving proper closure and helping you move on to a new chapter in life.
Choosing the way you deliver on this, is as important as deciding to give them up. You are under no moral obligation to do anything outside your comfort so return them if you feel it is okay and discard them out if you feel it’s going to be troublesome.
Remember to always keep the really important things as returning them might hurt the other person though that was not your intention.
And most importantly giving his things back does not mean they do not mean anything to you anymore, it means that although they are no longer there in your lives you appreciate the things they have done for you. And want to part ways with closure and maturity befitting a modern human being.