How Long Should You Date Long-Distance Before Moving?

Ahiri Chakraborty
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I’m sure, when we are in love, we all want to be with that special person in our lives all the time. Am I not right? Won’t it feel great to wake up to your lover every single day, will you not love to be greeted by your partner when you come back from your work? 

I bet, it’s gonna feel awesome. But when you are in a long-distance relationship, all this feels like a distant dream. It just feels horrible to be away from your partner.

So you all wait for that one day when you will know that you can see your partner whenever you want. No more video calls, no more long waiting for the holidays to come, no more saving money to book that flight ticket. You two are finally together. 

And moving in with your long-distance partner is the first step to all your dreams. However, it’s a daunting task and a huge decision too.

You might have doubts first, you will have many questions spinning in your head, you are gonna have tons of discussions and plannings with your partner before taking this giant move. 

So, how long should you date long-distance before moving? Long-distance couples should spend a year together before moving in. Some couples move in within 6 or 8 months while some take even 2 to 2.5 years before making this decision. Being with your partner for some time makes the relationship stronger and longer. 

Why Moving Together In A Long-Distance Relationship Important?

Living together can be extremely fun. It’s almost like a new chapter in your life. But this becomes extra exciting for long-distance couples. Normal couples get to see each other 2 to 3 times a week, go for movie dates, candle-light dinners, surprises each other at their college or at work. But for LDR couples, these are just a dream. They only rely on conversations over video calls. 

Definitely moving together is very important for a long-distance couple. We can all agree that nothing can beat a face-to-face conversation even though we have the most advanced technology. Right? Facetiming your bae is cool but holding his hand and eating your favorite ice cream together, can anything ever replace that? 

So, when you move in together you get to experience all these moments together. You get to know if they are a cleanliness freak or a total mess, you get to know how much sugar they like in their morning coffee, which side of the bed they like to sleep. All these are just small moments of a relationship and long-distance couples miss these things a lot.

Thus, it becomes a crucial step for every long-distance couple when they decide to move in together. But as once Spider-Man popularly said- “With great power comes great responsibility”, moving-in comes with its cons too. Although the pros will always weigh the cons down, it’s great to have an idea about those before welcoming this huge change in your life. 

If you’re in an LDR, you and your partner will surely think of moving in together. But before you two make this decision, you must be ready to embrace the new change and face the challenges. 

Things To Consider Before Moving In Together

This is going to be a massive transition in both of your lives. As much as your heart will be thumping with thrill, there will be a slight fear lurking behind your mind. You must be wondering- “What if he seems to lose interest after living with me?” “ What if my snoring irritates my GF?” “What if she only likes to order food?” “What if he never helps in any household chore?” 

Questions will never stop occurring. That’s why when you two are ready to take down the long distance from your LDR, you two must look into certain things. 

#1 Are We Ready For It?

Honestly, it is going to be difficult. You may wonder why? Simply because you two have spent most of your relationship away from each other. You have more screen time than in real-time with your partner. And until and unless you really start living with your partner under the same roof, you won’t really understand what does it feel like. So, you two must have solid conversations before making this decision.

First of all, you must discuss whether you two see a future together. If both of you are committed to each other and are really serious about each other. Are you two ready to take up the new challenges after moving in? 

Two people will have different needs, different habits and sometimes you are gonna make mistakes, or get annoyed by your partner’s stupid behavior. So there will be new conflicts which you two never experienced before moving in together. 

So talk to each other honestly. Is it the right time to move in or should you take a few more months? Ask each other. Do not just take an impulsive decision and just move in to be physically close to your partner.

Moving in is more about love, efforts, faith, and commitment than just physical proximity. Of course, that is important but that should not only be the driving force. 

Spending at least a year with your long-distance bae will give clarity about your future together and whether you both are fit for each other. 

When you two are totally clear about each other’s desires and are certain that moving in is the best option for you, then go ahead. But even if there’s a second thought to this, slow down. 

Discuss with your partner all possibilities, positives, and negatives, and then come to the conclusion. 

#2 How To Balance Career And Love Life?

It’s true when you’re in an LDR you don’t have to make changes to your plans. You can make your schedules according to your choice. You won’t feel guilty for staying up late in the office and not returning home on time. Instead, you just send a text to your partner saying “ Hey, I am still caught up in the meeting. I  will call you once I reach home”.

It’s just become simple. You can meet your friends anytime, watch your favorite movie anytime, sleep off the whole weekend. 

But things will change when you two will start living together. 

You have to make sure that you give each other enough time and anyway wasn’t that’s the reason for your move? 

So you may have to say no to your office party and go out with your partner for a dinner. You may have to watch a football match with him even if you aren’t the greatest fan of it. Adjusting yourself to your partner’s lifestyle can take a little while. 

Perhaps your partner is really looking forward to a hiking trip on a Saturday morning, but you’re too tired to wake up at 7 a.m. One of you has to make a compromise. 

You definitely don’t want to ruin your partner’s mood also at the same time you want to make sure that your career is on the correct path. So, you two have to find the perfect balance. You have to understand that your relationship and career are both important. 

But sometimes one over the other will get the priority. So if your girlfriend is late for the dinner you planned because of a very important presentation at her work, don’t yell at her. Rather try to understand her situation from her point. Encourage her to do better in her career than just pissing her off about not spending enough time with you.

When you both start giving importance to each other’s careers, both of you will find that you support each other and you want the best. This positive attitude will make your bond even stronger and you two will soon hit the perfect strike. 

#3 Does Moving In Make Marriage Compulsory?

LDR couples often worry themselves out thinking about marriage. Especially, this thought increases when they are moving in together. This certainly a big step. But does this always have to end up in marriage?

When you live with a person you discover many new things about him/her. You get to know each other on a deeper level. You will have a new life together. 

But not every day will be a bed of roses. You will have fights and some dull days. Definitely, you are quite serious about the relationship hence you took this step. But this doesn’t mean it always ends up in a marriage.

Mane couples after moving in together break-up. It’s not just about moving in but also keeping the relationship alive. One mistake many couples make is that they start taking the relationship lightly. A certain comfort and ease will surely enter into the relationship where you don’t have to push your efforts. But things take a turn when you start behaving like roommates and partners.

You find it boring or monotonous. My friend Smith moved out with his long-distance girlfriend after being together for 10 months. His girlfriend Dana was in a different city. He took up a new job there and moved with her.

However, Smith gradually found out after being with her for six months, that he is not enjoying his work at all. Due to his unpleasant professional life, he could hardly focus on their relationship. This started creating problems in their love life. Dana was not understanding Smith’s crisis.  Still, Smith tried to work it out for another year.

Dana was quite eager to get married to Smith despite the problems. But Smith finally called it off. He was not ready to give up his career at that point and Dana was not ready to be away or make any adjustments in her professional life. 

So, not all moving-in will end up in marriage. Do not pressurize yourselves into this thought from the beginning. Rather take the days as they come, give each other time and importance, let your partner feel special, and make efforts for them.

And if at any point, you find it hard living with your partner for any reason, discuss your problems and find a solution. But never take this as a compulsion to marry just because you have moved in together. 

Of course, it would be the best feeling if it transitions into a happily-ever-after but never force yourself or your partner into a marriage ever.

#4 Ready For The Responsibility? 

Moving in would mean tons of tasks. From arranging cupboards to buying groceries to cooking foods managing work and household. The list just goes on. 

So you two must be clear who’s going to take which responsibility. Definitely, there will be some days where you would have to stay in the office and your partner has to clean the dishes even when it’s your turn. But talking to each other about this, in the beginning, will surely keep away a lot of problems. And if both of you are moving to a different city then the responsibilities are going to be even more.

If you divide your household chores initially, then the chances of your fight will lessen. Like if your boyfriend is good at cooking, he can cook the major meals of the week. On the other hand, you take care of the other things such as washing and cleaning or making the bed. 

Doing some activities together will also ensure that both of you’re taking this moving in seriously. It’s not just one person who is doing all the work and the other one is just couching on the sofa. Going grocery shopping together, cutting vegetables together, or baking a cake would make the whole process fun and interesting.

Also, managing finance is going to be an add-on responsibility. You really don’t want money to come between your feelings. Decide how much you both are going to contribute for monthly expenses, house rents, and other stuff. If your partner is not keen on spending $2000 on rent, then you must consider and look for an apartment in another part of the city.

It’s important to have a chat with your partner about medical expenses, or any other emergency needs. Remember, earlier you could spend all your money according to your choice. But now you both are running a household. So it’s not only your decision anymore. You both must be involved and spend money wisely. 

When you two are on the same page about all these things, making the decision will be a cakewalk. Don’t just let emotions drive your decision but let your brain take an active part in it too. 

At the same time, don’t get intimated with the responsibilities, if you’re sure about your partner and you love each other enough, you will be ready to fight every battle that comes your way. And, when you’re with the right person, something just feels right. Time will just be an indicator but the heart knows what it wants.

I guess that’s the magic of love. 

So, when are you planning to move in with your long-distance partner? Let us have a chat in the comment section below. And Do not dare the distance. 


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