Trust, an ideology that brings together everything in a relationship. You will often find yourself asking “Will he/she be there in my time of need?” or “Am I allowed to be ordinary and still gain the faithfulness of my partner?” So ask yourself “should I marry a girl who cheated on me?” can be quite troublesome.
No, you should not marry a girl who cheated on you. To marry someone who cheated on you has misery written all over it as it is a fundamental breach of trust. If you still insist on giving it a try, make sure it is out of love and trust and not for any other reason.
Let's expand on the trust bit first. Often a partner will cheat due to fear of missing out on something. Relationships can be complicated, the question “Is this all?” is thought of more often than you can imagine.
You see, the human mind is wired for evolution or improvement in all aspects of life, be it a relationship or work, but in our ohh so busy lives it's not possible to improve drastically it takes time to adapt and perform.
Most people who cheat will not have the patience to wait around, they will believe that my partner is not going to get better or I will forever be stuck with this and hence let out that frustration by acting out or eventually cheating.
You are not at fault for not “improving” yourself or not acting the way they expect you to, If someone is not satisfied with the way things work- move on.
But it takes a lot of courage to move on, the security that you provide in a relationship is what made them commit in the first place. So if a girl who has cheated on you is still with you the reason is she realized that not everything is about “fear of missing out.”
In one of my encounters, a friend was repeatedly cheated on and I had to ask him why are you still with her, he was confused and had no proper answer but the hurt was evident in his eyes, that prompted me to think deeper on the reasons guys stick around even after being cheated on.
The Reason Guys Stick Around Even After Being Cheated On
Like my friend I have had many encounters where guys do stick around but it is not always out of immense love they have for their partners. Sometimes the reasons to stick around are not exactly right. Let’s look at a few of them.
Lack Of Self Confidence
You know that you are not that attractive and you are lucky to find someone like her. So when she cheats, you accept that this was bound to happen so let's forget and forgive.
To this, I can only say that your self-worth is not determined by who you date but by the good that you do in this world.
Please understand doing good does not mean how hard you are working to get that 6 figure salary. Doing good is about helping people in need or trying to help someone be better in their lives.
When you see genuine appreciation for the good you do in life, the feeling of not being good enough will disappear due to the constant appreciation you get from the people around you.
Try it and when you see everyone giving you a smile of appreciation the feeling of satisfaction is amazing.
She Might Not Do It Again
The way a human mind deludes itself to fantasy instead of reality is a mystery I still cannot understand, but I think we make ourselves believe that the good we do for her will be reciprocated by her being loyal.
To this, I can only say you have fewer expectations from your life. There are strong, independent women out there who know the virtue of commitment, please take the time and effort to find them instead of being stuck at a superficial thought, “she will not do it again.”
Remember, an act of loyalty is not a virtue but an obligation. If you decide to be with someone and are not coerced into it then being loyal is not something you bring to the table it’s should be innate.
She Came “Clean”
Admitting to your mistakes is the first step to redemption and not a guarantee of it. In fact, sometimes it can be used as an excuse to get rid of the guilt.
So in the future, if you want to avoid a monologue about how you “knew about it” and that should justify the case, please choose wisely between genuine remorse and excuses to get out of a situation.
I Won’t Find Someone Like Her
Fear of losing something precious to you is overwhelming at times, and we tend to stick to the routine as it works albeit with some sacrifice.
I agree that sacrifices are a part and parcel while in a relationship but sacrifice for things that will define your relationship not out of fear of changes.
Remember that waiting for the right person is way more fruitful than sacrificing your mental health for someone who is not.
So if these reasons match up with your reason to stay back in their lives, I urge you to reconsider, especially when it comes to considering marriage.
Here are a few reasons to consider if you are still confused about it.
The Reasons To Not Get Married To Someone Who Cheated On You
Somehow your instincts are warning you that this is a mistake, if you are constantly thinking about how to go about making this decision look at these few reasons why you should not do it. If they make sense you will finally be sure of what you want.
The Reason Being?
“You were not around” does not justify cheating in any way. If you are not around and your partner feels that staying with you is lonely then they have a choice to move on.
You need to ask yourself why did she come back, was it remorseful if so why did she cheat? Or was it guilt and she realized that cheating on you did not bring her the happiness she thought she would get?
Remember if there were reasons to cheat, then there are underlying reasons to it as well. If the reason for cheating is not something you can live with for the rest of your lives do not go ahead and marry the girl.
Confession Does Not Right A Wrong
She confessed that the affair did not mean anything and it was a spur of a moment thing. Ask yourself if you can live with that.
Confessing to start a relationship anew never works, it is more like you don’t want to be the bad person who rejects her honesty.
“Should we give it another chance?” has a lot of underlying implications, ask the hard questions and look at the response before you decide to go ahead with a decision you come to regret.
Do Not Settle
Emotions are hard to decipher when you are hurting, often acceptance of a situation is out of fear of losing out. Let’s be clear, settling down out of fear only gets you momentary relief.
I understand that there may be a thousand questions or scenarios going on in your head, optimism, and belief that the future will turn out better can be a fairy tale we tell ourselves.
Ask yourself if you have put in the effort for a normal relationship, you do not need to be the most romantic guy on earth to keep a relationship, such extravagant expectations are a marketing lie.
Remember you have responsibilities to fulfill and doing right by your partner is to support them in their times of need
Different Outlook Towards Relationships
When you find yourself in a dilemma, look at the values you and your partner hold for marriage. It is important to know their outlook towards emotional and sexual boundaries
If you find a significant deviation I suggest you move on and find someone more compatible with your way of thinking or values towards the subject.
Now it is hard to discover someone’s mentality towards something that may not be socially acceptable, but when considering marriage you have to make it a point to dig deep even with the uncomfortable questions.
Remember having a mature conversation about life is a path to growth and not losing out on something.
Deal With Consequences
Your partner just told you about their infidelity, there is rage, sadness, and a plethora of other emotions you have to deal with.
If you are still contemplating marriage then somewhere in your mind that hope and optimism remain, the question of the hour is can you deal with it when things get hard.
Often in relationships, you will face difficulties and our instinct is to bring out the faults she commits.
If you have decided to move forward then it is important to never play the blame game. When you are sure that her act of infidelity will not affect you in the future only then should you think of marriage as no one wants to be held responsible forever?
Momentary Yet Fleeting Happiness
Forgiving someone for their mistakes can be empowering. To be the bigger person will surely get you a little applause but that happiness is fleeting if there is only self-doubt later.
Say there is a late-night office event that your partner has to attend. Are you sure there will be no doubts in your mind and you will be totally comfortable with it?
The thing about mistrust and doubt is that they become hindrances to growth and this continued behavior will only make life unhappier.
Remember you don’t want to be awake late nights pondering if there is something going on. Instead, if you find yourself having such doubts address them early on or move on to someone you can wholeheartedly trust.
So many scenarios or thoughts may be hard to fathom especially when you have to deal with them and come to a conclusion.
Here Are A Few Points To Note While Making Your Decision
- The way she confessed to you may speak a lot about her feelings. The remorse will always be there but look deeper, is she remorseful to waive the guilt? Is she cold and detached?
- Her behavior in the next few months must have given you a gut feeling. Is she ready to do whatever it takes to bring back the trust she lost?
You see when a person is truly remorseful you will feel it. Human emotions are not that complicated while considering the effort it’s either a yes or a no.
Learn to differentiate and judge accordingly. Remember crocodile tears get you only so far so learn to notice them early.
- Forgive and forget maybe a simplified statement in such a complex situation but if you plan to hold her accountable for this all her life it can never lead to happiness.
Wake up to your genuine feelings and move on if you cannot honestly forgive or forget.
- Starting afresh can be hard to do if there is baggage looming over you. You are probably going to make the most critical decision in your life.
Doubts like will she do it again or can I really work through this should reach a cemented conclusion before you dive into this new phase.
While I was doing my research on how couples felt about this scenario, I heard a lot of stories of regret where they got married and all was good for a time until all those doubts and anxiety just exploded together.
I would like to end this article on a note to reiterate over and over if you are unable to trust your partner and I mean honestly trust your partner and not out of guilt or fear or loneliness or social pressure only then you should move forward with the marriage.
If not, let's avoid all that misery by moving on to a different yet better future.