The Female Mind Control Handbook
What’s the one common thing in every couple’s relationship? People are different, choices are different, likes, dislikes, preferences, opinions can be different and vary from couple to couple. But what’s that one thing, that one can always find common in every couple?
Well, no brownie points for guessing the right answer. The answer is Fight. Yes, every couple fights and fights are very normal in a relationship. In fact, if you’re not fighting with your partner, then there must be something wrong.
So, just as I mentioned, fights are like an everyday phenomenon in every relationship. But fights can lead to something unexpected or make things worse. Most of the time, couples during their fight say some things which hurt their partner a lot.
Also, while fighting, a person loses out his/her temper and rational thinking. That’s why the aftereffect of fights are more difficult to deal with. One may not understand the consequence of the fight but as soon as it’s over, you get a hang of it.
But a common question has always come to me, how long should I not talk with my boyfriend after a fight? Well, just as love does not follow rules, so as fights. And the time period of no contact with your boyfriend after a fight depends on the nature of the fight and varies from couple to couple.
So how long should you go without talking to your boyfriend after a fight? If it was a silly fight for a stupid reason, you should not go beyond 24 hours without talking to your boyfriend. However, if you’re hurt by his words or actions, a 3-day no-talking period is good. But don't stretch this period for more than 7 days as it can worsen your relationship status.
There is no hard and fast rule which you need to follow after a fight. After all, we are human beings and it’s very natural for us to get angry and upset. But too much of everything can ruin even the best thing. So you need to be really careful.
You can’t only consider your side of the story. You have to think about your boyfriend’s emotions, perceptions and reasons as well.
Should I Stop Talking To Him Completely After A Fight?
No, you should not completely stop talking to your boyfriend after a fight. Communication is the key in any relationship and avoiding it would only invite more problems.
Also, too much silence can create distance between you two. So you must be practical and handle the situation according to the kind of fight you had and the relationship that you share with your boyfriend.
Let’s look at the various kinds of fights and how you can react to the situations.
- A silly fight
Fights can happen because of the silliest reasons like- when your boyfriend doesn’t pick up your phone, he forgets to reply to you back, when he makes a plan with his friends and without you and many more such stupid reasons.
You need to understand this is something that can be resolved by communication. So talk to him and even if you fight with him for this reason, don’t go more than a day without talking to him.
Taking more than 1 day to go back to talking can actually upset your boyfriend and he would think that you never understand his situation and end up fighting.
- When he does not give you enough time
This is indeed a problem. Be it a new relationship or a long one, you need to give each other time. After all, this is a journey for both of you. You need to keep exploring each other.
But it often happens that your partner fails to give that enough time which you need. So if you are facing it with your boyfriend, it’s obvious for you to pick up a fight.
However, you need to understand the situation practically. Is he busy with his work? Has a new project come up at his workplace or college? Does he have to take care of any family issues? If these are some of the cases, then you should not stop talking to him after a fight.
If you’re very angry with him, don’t text or call him for a maximum of 2 hours but not more than that.
However, if you feel that he is not giving you time on purpose, you can go without talking to him for 2 days just to see his reactions. If he texts you back, you would understand that he was busy genuinely and he is apologizing for it too.
- When he forgets to wish you on anniversary day or birthday
Birthdays and anniversaries are extremely special. And when you’re in a relationship, receiving that one wish from a special person becomes really important. So it’s natural to get upset if your boyfriend forgets to wish you on your birthday or on the anniversary date of your relationship.
You would fight with him and you have valid reasons for that. But there is no need to stretch the fight unnecessarily. So don’t go without talking to him for more than 1 or 2 days. Your silence will make him understand his mistake but too much of it can lead to other unwanted problems which you must avoid.
Although he will have excuses and reasons to defend himself, he too will realize that he has made a mistake. So when he accepts his fault, you can give him a chance.
- When he talks to other girls
I know, it’s hard for any girlfriend not to fight with his boyfriend when he talks too much with other girls. A casual, normal conversation is definitely fine. But when the line is crossed, your girlfriend would be upset and angry.
So, if your boyfriend repeats this behavior even after telling him how much it upsets you, you can without talking for more than 3 to 4 days. It will show him that his behavior has genuinely hurt you and you want him to make changes in his behavior.
Believe me, this 3 days period will make him want you more and he will text you first. But if he doesn’t and you want to solve the issue, then you should have a conversation with him. So stretching it for more than 3 days, in this case, would not be wise.
- When he blames for you wrongly
Some boyfriends are like that. They like to blame their girlfriends for all reasons if they are not at the fault. It’s just their nature.
So when as a girlfriend you are always blamed for the wrong reasons, it’s natural that you would fight with him. He also needs to understand that he is doing something very wrong and it can’t go and on.
A 5 or 6 days period of no talking would be the best treatment for your boyfriend as he needs to get the real taste. This time period will allow him to realize his mistakes and as soon as he will miss you, he will text you on his own.
- When he suspects you
This is clearly not a sign of a healthy relationship. A relationship needs to have trust otherwise it will be a bumpy ride. And you don’t want bumps in your way, right?
So, if you notice your boyfriend suspects you without any reason even when you’re super loyal to him, you must be upset. If he always tells you what to do, what not to do, if he checks your social media, asks your password, goes through your texts and other personal stuff n your phone, he does not trust you.
Initially, you might give in to this behavior, and lets you check your things but after a point, it can get frustrating. And he needs to understand that you’re not comfortable with this anymore. So you must fight it out and go on without talking to him for a week.
He needs to be put in your shoe to recognize his wrong attitude and how lack of trust can lead to the end of a relationship.
- When he doesn’t meet you often
Meeting with your Bae is an integral part of any relationship. Just be real, video calls can’t replace the excitement of meeting your partner. When you meet your partner often it helps you to connect deeply, help develop stronger bonds, make you two more comfortable with each other physically.
So when your boyfriend always makes excuses and doesn’t meet you, or never takes the initiative of meeting you, you ought to fight with him. And you can certainly go on a no-talking streak for 3 days at least.
When he will see that there is no communication between you two, also you two aren’t meeting, he would realize his error.
- When your boyfriend lies to you
Once again, this brings in the trust factor. Your boyfriend should not lie to you apart from when he is planning a big surprise for you. A relationship must have transparency. Transparency leads to commitment, longevity, and comfort in a relationship.
If your boyfriend lies to you for everything, you would slowly lose trust in him. So a fight in your case is inevitable. To teach him the lesson, you must stop talking to him for at least a week.
Again, if he has hidden something really serious like meeting his ex, or stalking other girls, doing late-night parties with girls then you can extend this period. Simply because he must get to know that his actions are not correct.
One of my friends Julia was going through the same problem. Her boyfriend would lie to her about everything. It became a habit for him. Julia never doubted her boyfriend but one day she chanced upon some photos of him on Facebook through another friend’s profile. She was naturally surprised and shocked.
When she fought with her boyfriend regarding the issues, he once again came up with some other white lies. Julia could not take this anymore and stopped talking to him completely.
They were in a no-contact zone for two weeks. It was Mike who texted her first after 14 days as he realized that he has severely hurt Julia. They had a lot of following conversations after that and finally, they found a middle ground for their problem.
So, you know what kinds of fights you can have with your boyfriend and how you can respond to it.
But there are some things which should not do while you’re in a fight with your boyfriend.
Things That You Must Avoid After A Fight With Your Boyfriend
- Do not block him. Blocking is never a wise option. It just stops communication which leads to more problems. So even if your boyfriend wants to talk to you about a solution, he won’t get a chance to do so. It will only create further problems.
- Do not break up. Fights need not be always break up. It is normal to have different opinions, views because you two are different individuals. Have arguments but do not reach the conclusion of a breakup. It just causes friction between the two of you.
- Do not tell all your friends about the fight. You’re not supposed to share every little detail of your relationship with your friends. Sometimes you need to refrain from sharing with your closes friend too. Your boyfriend might think that you disclose everything about you two and there is no privacy. It can upset him.
- Never post on social media about the fight. It’s not the right place to tell your problems. If your boyfriend sees it, it can upset him further. And on top of that when other random people comment on your post, it will only show to the world how fragile a relationship you two share.
- Don’t start the fight all over again when you start talking again. You need to stop the blame game at one point and handle it maturely. If you want to talk about the fight all over again, you will never find peace in your relationship and it will create more distance.
- Don’t hold your ego. If your boyfriend is apologizing to you and promising you that he won’t repeat the mistake again, you should not make it an ego issue and bottle up the anger further. You need to know where to stop the fight.
- Don’t put the blame only on your boyfriend. If you contributed equally, accept it and resolve it together. You need to learn to say sorry as well.
- Don’t stop talking. As I have already given you time frames, try to maintain that and don’t go beyond that. Silence can never bring a person closer. It will only make you two distant. So talk, communicate and let your heart out.
But What To Do When You Are In An LDR And You Fought With Your Boyfriend?
Well, LDR cases are a bit different. Since you two only communicate via texts and video calls, you need to handle it in a different way.
LDR couples get the chance to talk to each other often less. So I would suggest trying not to fight with your boyfriend as much as possible. However, you can’t relay control of a situation, and fights can take place unexpectedly.
So, you need to learn which issues deserve a fight and which ones don’t. If it’s a trivial matter, don’t make a huge fuss about it. The little time you get to speak to each other because of the time differences, distance should not be wasted on fighting.
If a genuine issue has come up, Facetime your partner immediately. If he is busy with work or studies, wait for the right time. Video call him when he is on break or at home so that you two can have a proper conversation.
Never send him angry texts as it can upset him even more. Also, texts can be misinterpreted in many ways. So it’s always better to call each other and resolve the matter.
For LDR couples, you should never go without talking to your boyfriend after a fight. Not even for a day. The physical distance is already keeping you two apart and you surely don’t want to bring in the emotional distance. Right?
Talk to him, fight, cry but make up with each other by a beautiful virtual hug. Also, don’t forget to send him his favorite chocolates or make him order your favorite ice cream. Your heart will melt right away.
When you fell in love with your boyfriend, you confessed it. You did not hide your emotion in your head or heart. You only got to know the person by talking and communicating with him properly.
So, do you really think not talking can for a long period solve a fight? It can’t. You need to express and talk.
Never underestimate the power of communication. Let it bring more love and romance to your relationship and not extra burden and stress.
It is absolutely normal for couples to fight and not talk for days. But you should not go without talking to your boyfriend for more than 3 days.
A little bit of space can solve your fight. So space for 2 or 3 days is the best to give your boyfriend after a fight.
Your boyfriend realizes his mistake, apologizes to you, and understands your value when you ignore him after a fight.