Relationship Sort-Out is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Learn More.

[SOLUTION] Why Doesn't He Text Me First Anymore?

Feature Image Of Why Doesn't He Text Me First Anymore

Have you ever found yourself wondering why a guy who made such an effort to text you first now no longer seems to be texting you? 

I can tell that you’re worried he doesn’t text first anymore but believe me, that happens to every girl at some point. Stop stressing out about it and enjoy the relationship! We are all going to be ok.

Perhaps he is seeing if you will go out of your way to start communication with him. It's even possible that your guy is trying to see if you are going to ask him out on a date. Your partner may be busy and haven’t had time to get back to you. However, if he doesn't text first anymore, he will most likely tell you if he wants more from the relationship. 

Though I have decoded all the solutions to the problem, I would love to dissect the case from two angles.

Case 1

Story of Sandra, my college friend. While we were in the canteen discussing our lives once she told me about a boy whom she met on a trip. She also said,

“He was the one who texted first every night and I was thankful because it gave me time to be able to text him more. We texted almost every night but after some days he started cutting down on his texts and eventually stopped altogether.”

What we can understand that, besides not texting first anymore, Sandra’s partner has reduced the number of texts in a day.

Can you relate yourself to Sandra? If YES! then coming two reasons are probably why he doesn’t want to text you first anymore.

#Reason 1: Cliche But True, He Is BUSY

Most men go about their business, immersed in their worlds, phones in tow. They may be intensely focused on something at the office. 

If not, they could be at a yoga class or a gig or enjoy some time with friends. They get dozens of texts a day, from all kinds of people. Emails from his boss, colleagues, and people he wants to talk to.

This is why even innocent little texts can seem to go unanswered.

Forget about your partner while sharing solutions to your problems, I yet haven’t replied to the message my boyfriend did an hour ago.

Does it make me a bad partner?

It doesn’t mean he’s falling out of love with you, it doesn’t mean that he’s lost interest, and it doesn’t mean that he suddenly hates you. It means that he has some other things on his mind so he finds it hard even to make a quick text.

Pro-Tip: That’s not to say that you should passively wait around for him to be in the mood to talk. You deserve better than that. Instead of waiting around for a text from him, take the initiative and reach out to him yourself. Say something like, “I want to catch up with you this week. Let me know when works best for you.” That way, if he doesn’t reach out right away, you can remind him that you want to hang out with him.

His lack of response might be innocent, so please don’t beat yourself up about it.

See Also:  How Long Should You Go Without Talking To Your Boyfriend After a Fight?

#Reason 2: Sorry Girls, Harsh But True, Maybe He Is Not Into You

Sometimes we just want to love and be loved, and love doesn’t come with a timetable.

It is important to remember that it’s okay if he doesn’t feel the same way about you. I believe there will be someone out there who will value you for your kindness and good qualities. There is someone out there for all of us who has time for us and doesn’t treat us like we are inconvenient.

It could be that you do have strong feelings for him, but he is not interested in a serious relationship with the same level of intensity. He has decided, explicitly or implicitly, that the two of you are just friends (or not even friends). 

If this is the case, then it's best to consider this situation a done deal and move on to looking for someone who wants what you want. 

Case 2

This is the story of Sandra’s friend Julia who was also there in the canteen with us on that day. Replying to Sandra’s story, she told her then-boyfriend now fiance, similarly used to initiate text in their starting days but suddenly it got stopped though he replied every time Julia texted him.

Julia’s partner responds to her texts but very rarely initiates one.

If you can relate to Julia’s story more than Sandra’s then probably 

 #Reason 1: Their Efforts End With A YES

Boys will walk to the moon just to listen a yes from you. They will impress with their efforts so much that you cannot resist putting up status in Instagram stories, claiming, “ It’s official”.

And then, BOOM!

The boy you said yes to, suddenly changes. The boy who was before available to you for 24 hours, hardly takes initiative to text you first. 

Can we declare it a universal male problem?

It is undoubtedly true that all the efforts of boys die with a Yes! From the girls. It doesn’t necessarily mean he has lost interest in you rather he feels confident about you. He may think that to be available for you when needed is more important than who texts first.

Still, if you wish your boy to text you first sometimes, you can make a rule, fix an hour in the day when he must initiate a text or call from his side.

Otherwise, don’t make a deal out of this. You are not a teenager to fight over who texts first. 

#Reason 2: Sucks At Text

It's not the texting that's bad, it that some guys just aren’t good at it. 

An example of a person who does not have great texting skills is my wonderful boyfriend. I'm not being harsh or down on him here. There's nothing wrong with his texting skills unless it bothers you.

He's not good at texting me first. He's always waiting for me to do it first so he will feel less pressure.

And if you are thinking how he used to do earlier, sit back and think were you his girlfriend then? Probably the answer is NO.

Since he was on his mission to make you his girlfriend, he had put in all the hard efforts even if it means texting you, which he hates.

C’mon how long he can enjoy doing the thing he doesn’t like. So please share the pressure and let him text you at his pace. If it is too urgent try to do a quick call.

See Also:  Why Did My Ex Deleted Pictures Of Us/Me From Instagram?

#Reason 3: Don’t Want To Be Desperate And Let You Take The Lead

Smart, huh?

If he’s eager to talk when you initiate contact, but he never texts first, it’s the male equivalent of a “hard to get,” scenario. It means he likes you and probably wants to date you, but doesn’t want to be too forward and come across as “weird” or maybe even too desperate.

His lack of communication is not a reflection of how he feels about you. By staying quiet, he’s trying to put the ball in your court so that you will take action to move things along and make the next move.

#Reason 4: He Is Bored Of The Same Old Regular Chats

Most women find it rather confusing when their male partner no longer greets them with a text first thing in the morning. Don’t worry – this is normal.

It’s also normal for a guy to take a bit of time to think of something interesting to say as it can be hard to come up with something great fast. 

However, If your chats have been pretty dull, they might have taken a little step back. But nothing’s changed—you both still like each other, and there are tons of ways to get those conversations going again. If you are confused about what to text to your guy, I highly recommend you go through Text Chemistry and see how to use texts to make your man love you like crazy.

However, if your guy is no longer interested, he probably just wants some space at this point or doesn't know how to tell you.

#Reason 5: Not Giving Him The Chance To Text First

Why should boys take all the blame?

Maybe you are responsible for why your partner doesn’t text you first anymore.

When you talk a lot or text a lot before he does, you’re doing the work of keeping the conversation going. It takes two people to carry on a conversation. 

When he doesn’t say much, he may feel like he doesn't have room to express himself or that you’ve got him all figured out. Try giving him some space to talk so he knows he has an important voice in your life too.

Letting him take part in starting the conversations will give him more confidence and help him feel like he’s as important to you as you are to him.

If you are hoping for texts from him first, maybe it’s time to sit back and see if he takes the reins. 

So these can be the reasons why your partner has stopped texting you first anymore.

Who text first in the relationship is the thing to be least bothered about. Rather you should see if your boyfriend or the person whom you have started liking is available when you needed them most. If your man is unavailable most of the time and doesn’t even feel sorry about it, it is time to look for the red flag.

What To Do In The Situation Where Your Partner Stopped Texting You First?

  • Be Vocal
See Also:  Is It Normal Not To Talk Everyday In A Long-Distance Relationship?

Instead of cooking up stories in your head ask your partner, that why he has stopped texting you first or why he is reluctant to exchange text nowadays. I am sure you will find a genuine answer. 

Lack of communication has killed many relationships. I don’t want the same for you. No matter how big the problem is, a solution comes out when you two communicate clearly.

Select a time that suits you both and sort out the problem. While talking keep check on your words and voice. Remember you need to solve a problem not create one. 

  • Clear your expectations

Tell them what you expect. I know all girls want their boys to make out where he has gone wrong and every time you are utterly disappointed.

You need to stop this!

Tell them clear and loud that a text from his side in the middle of a busy day makes you happy and loved. If he cares for you he will take out time from his busy schedule for a quick text to make her girl happy.

And if he cannot do this much, I doubt how much he loves you.

  • Be empathetic

If he says he is occupied with other commitments that he barely gets time to check his phone, understand his problem. Understanding is the key to an everlasting relationship. Don’t unnecessarily pressurize him to text you first. 

If he cannot text you first or at all under some circumstance, you take the lead. A relationship is a partnership. If one is down other take the grip. 

Give a room for his freedom and intimacy. You will earn his respect, he will be proud to have a girl in his life who understands him the most.

Don’t fall for his trick Keep in mind not to text first more than once or twice. Men have a habit of making you wait just to see how interested in them you are and it’s human nature for us all to want to be pursued; especially if we allow the man we love to capture our attention and hearts. 

To make sure that he is chasing after you, give him space and don’t text first more than twice without hearing back from him, especially if there are days between the messages.

  • Worth yourself

You have discussed the problem with him, still no result, this is the time to move away with dignity. Stop waiting for the text which is unlike to come. It's a waste of time! And while you're worrying about when he will text, you are missing out on other things

I am not ready to accept the fact that your happiness depends on that single text.

Keep your phone aside and indulge yourself in the things that are more productive than waiting for a text from someone who doesn’t value you.

Save your energy and emotion for the one who will love and respect you. Don’t worry that man will arrive in your life sooner than you understand.

In the end, my advice will be to shift your mindset from who texts first to how constructive your text conversations are. If your conversations are adding excitement and value to your affair, forget about who is texting first and enjoy the journey. If this is not the case, you have now all the solutions, apply them.


Start a conversation. post with kindness.

Ads Blocker Image Powered by Code Help Pro
A Letter from Team RSO

Wouldn’t be great to have a safe place for all your Relationship queries with simple solutions? You could just type whatever your heart is going through and voila there is a solution for that. It’s like calling your friend at 3 a.m and discussing your problems without worry. You know you will put down the call with a big smile on your face. That’s the promise we are making to you. You will be left smiling, stress-free whenever you visit our site. Let your mind wonder anything because we have got your back and thoughts. But to make you smile we need funding to carry forward this project and advertisement revenue is the only way to get the funding. We request you to please whitelist our site in your Ad-Blocker and continue supporting us. Still not changed your mind? Please let us know the reason. We appreciate your feedback.