Being in a relationship with your boyfriend felt alright and stable until you came to know about his ‘special’ female friend. No matter how many times, he claims that “we are just friends” something about their bonding doesn’t feel right to you.
It's normal for anyone to have friends of the opposite sex. In this case, your boyfriend is no exception as well. But when your gut says it’s a red flag, trust it! You know that she undoubtedly likes your man. The plethora of stressful emotions you go through each day due to this “just friends” situation are real.
The best thing to do here is to work on yourself rather than trying to stop her from liking your boyfriend. Gaining confidence in oneself and this relationship with your man will easily sort all “external” problem factors in your relationship.
I have some questions that you can ask yourself and signs that you may look for to conclude.
Your Insecurity Or His Ingenuity?
Before knowing what exactly you can do about it or how you should do something, you must learn to identify the exact situation you’re currently dealing with. As I mentioned earlier, your boyfriend can have friends of the opposite sex, that doesn’t mean that some of them like your boyfriends. It may be that nothing is going on between them, it’s just your subconscious jealousy talking. Or maybe, something is going fishy between them and you’re assumption is correct. She likes your boyfriend. Look, it can go either way. So, calm down and analyze the situation what exactly is going on.
Jealousy sprouts from various reasons within us. Our insecurities are the strongest reason that sparks the fire of doubt, stress, misunderstandings, and fights in any relationship.
It is natural for you to dislike the presence of your boyfriend’s female friend in his life, But, here you need to have an open mindset to understand that he had a life before you came in. All the people he surrounds himself with have played and will continue to play some of the other important roles.
However, if you're sure about “this girl” having genuine feelings for your boyfriend, try having an open conversation with him. Speaking your truth and having real talks is the very first step to keep your romantic life grounded and stable no matter what goes on outside it!
Two loyal people working out on their relationship, supporting themselves through all hardships can undoubtedly make things work.
However, If your jealousy is backed up by solid reasons and definite actions from your boyfriend and his female friend, it is indeed a toxic situation to be in. You have tried having an open conversation about his female friend more than once. “We are just good friends” is the only answer that he replied. But his actions seem to reveal it otherwise.
In this case, I won’t suggest you for sticking with someone whose actions tend to confuse you and affect your emotional health. If the situation seems to get out of control even after working out on it a lot, it’s better to get out of it. No matter how much it hurts, you should start afresh.
You Will Know If She Loves Your Boyfriend
Jealousy, stress, anger, insecurities are real-time emotions that you will feel when you find your man casually hanging out with that ‘special' friend of his. However, as he confirms that “ we are just friends”, you may feel confused and start doubting what you see. To get rid of this complicated situation, you can keep your eyes on the gestures and approaches of that woman and you’ll know what’s going on.
To help you stop invalidating your strong gut feelings, here are some of the surefire signs that the female friend of your boyfriend likes him.
- The glow on her face when she sees your man or spends a lot of time with him is the first sign on my list. If that woman truly likes your boyfriend, there’ll be a glow of joy on her face whenever she sees him. Your job is to observe her behavior when she is around your man and start trusting what you see not someone’s words.
- Try to observe what she does with the gift your boyfriend gave to her. She will safely store all gifts she receives from your boyfriend if she likes him. Besides, you will notice her wearing those earrings or wearing that friendship band your man gave her. These are the little things we all do when we dearly love and value someone in our lives. This female friend of your boyfriend is no exception. I want you to understand this with an open mind, she is not the one at fault. Feelings can never be forced or stopped in one blow.
- She is nice to you, yet secretly wishes to spend some time alone with your boyfriend hanging out. You will watch his female bestie always try with her best efforts to spend some quality hangout time with your man. She will respect your presence and mean no threat to this relationship, yet she will always crave your boyfriend’s presence around her some way or the other.
- Your boyfriend is her go-to guy, irrespective of the situational demands. This female friend of your boyfriend will rush to him, whenever she is in need, in trouble ( this is sometimes serious and acceptable), and for even other casual daily basic needs. She looks at her like a bandaid to all her possible problems. Well, this is indeed difficult to accept being a girlfriend, but less drama and more acceptance are the keys again.
- She will avoid dating other people and just hint at her feelings in a thousand different ways. You ask her about dating and relationships and she will instantly avoid and ignore your words. She may not reveal all her genuine feelings to you, but while casually spending time around your boyfriend, she will hint at her honest feelings about dating someone.
She may make statements like, “I would have dated you if you were single”, or maybe some other casual indications in a wrap of jokes.
- She will be awkward around you and limit herself to behave “nicely” with your boyfriend. Our body language and vibes speak even before we start talking. When you guys are spending time and she is around too, this female friend will make sure to behave decently with your man. This is most probably because she does not want to reveal her emotions and excitement around your man. So next time you see her, trust her vibes rather than her words.
A perfect example in this context is the relationship between Monica-Chandler and Janice, from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Though Janice and Chandler had a history with each other, that’s a different context. But remember when Monica used to be around, how Janice used to behave, and when she used to get Chandler alone, how she used to behave. To be honest, I understand, that it can be a very stressful and daunting situation for most women.
So whatever you decide to do next, act from a space of understanding, maturity, and compassion.
What Can You Do In This Situation?
After knowing what’s going on with your boyfriend and his ‘special’ female friend, you gotta do something, right? Most women tend to freak out after knowing that one of the female friends of their boyfriend, likes him and start fighting over this issue.
Eventually, most of the time, their relationship turned into a toxic one only just over this silly issue and they may get broken up. Scared hearing this? Don’t be. Here I’m to talk about how exactly you should behave if you doubt or even came to know that your boyfriend has a female friend who likes him.
But before getting into that, you must work on yourself. As this situation is quite complicated and indeed hard to deal with you must prepare yourself for everything worse. But still, you need to stay calm and logical, be compassionate, and most importantly must be a good listener. If you get able to be like this, you’re now perfectly prepared to deal with any kinda complicated situation you face in your relationship. So now, let’s proceed further.
- Have an open conversation
Start with having an open conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and emotions in this relationship. Speak out how this female friend of your boyfriend makes you feel? Tell him how their ‘special’ friendship is affecting your relationship ? or you may ask him how your man exactly feels about this female friend? Ask these questions, but be open to accepting what your man addresses. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and if you do not trust him, this is not the relationship for you.
- Connect with this female friend with compassion
Act from a place of compassion and try to understand that feelings are not in control of anyone. After all, no one can force stop her feelings towards your boyfriend. Therefore, it is always better to accept and approach her with compassion and be like a friend to her in this situation. Together things may get better and she may start understanding you and your boyfriend as a real relationship to stay away from!
- Work on your triggers
Whenever you feel triggered about this female friend and her intentions towards your boyfriend, be calm and simply observe. Being conscious of our triggers is a super-power that helps us heal those wounded parts of our hearts.
Watching and accepting your own trigger points will also help you heal your insecurities and act in this relationship better and stronger than you were ever before. Acting from self-awareness is a beautiful and fulfilling thing. When we accept all parts of our real selves, the world starts accepting us.
- Heal past trauma or insecurities (if any)
Past breakups, abusive childhood, strong unhealthy memories also play crucial roles in our lives. These subconscious traumas often work through us in behavioral patterns that we hardly recognize.
If the simplest of this female friend’s feelings towards your boyfriend seem to be bothering you, chances are a past trauma is involved here. Consider visiting a therapist or seeking professional help to heal yourself. Ladies, please understand that there is no shame and guilt around expressing your real self. It is time we live on our truth!
- Build deeper trust with your boyfriend
Jealousy is often a byproduct of fear of losing your beloved boyfriend. This is exactly where you should question your trust and faith in your man. DO you genuinely trust your boyfriend? OR are you simply trying to be clingy and projecting your own insecurities on this?
The answer is simple if your relationship does not reflect peace, understanding, acceptance, and compassion, there is hardly any trust left. However, you can still work on your trust by doing all those activities together that empower and trigger happiness in both of you.
Support, compassion, truth, loyalty, and respect for one another and any other third person who has feelings for you or your boyfriend is a sign of healthy mental space. Act from faith and watch your jealousy wither away.
- Set healthy boundaries in your relationship
Setting healthy boundaries is something we often forget. You can be compassionate and have healthy yet strong boundaries at the same time. Ladies, be specific, loud, and clear about your boundaries in this relationship. Speak to your boyfriend and let him know about his limits and try to understand his space too.
This will help you both have a respectful attitude towards each other. Also, he will know when to stop, while he is with this female friend, who likes him.
Get all your stress off your mind and just breathe. We women go through so much in our daily life. Taking all sorts of extra stress is not an option anymore. Simply breathe and relax and focus on this present moment. Shake off all your stress and focus on establishing a healthy friendship, relationship, and bonding with your man. Let love flow genuinely and loyalty be your truth. Breathe and live!
- Learn when to leave
If you think that situation is going all out of control despite all the efforts you’re putting into it, and with days your boyfriend is being too much clingy with this ‘special’ female friend of his, probably it’s your time to stop. No matter how much it hurts, you must understand that every relationship is not meant to work out and it’s better to move on sometimes in life. So, put yourself on the top of your priority list, and make decisions accordingly and wisely.
Jealousy will always be a thing unless you work your best to shed off all those parts that sprout from trauma. Watch those trigger points and choose a mature and conscious way to resolve any problem that may interrupt your free and healthy lifestyle choices.
Your relationship with your boyfriend is a precious experience of love and friendship. If his female friend likes him, accept her situation and act with compassion rather than anger. However, do not forget to keep your boundaries strong. Happy dating!