Romantic relationships depend upon the man you have chosen to date. If he is ready to love and be with you with no past ties or trauma, you will enjoy growing and being together. But, if your man is not over his ex yet, these connections can be ghetto and stressful.
So now, Should you wait for him to get over his ex? In simple terms, the answer is: Yes, you may wait for a guy who is not over his ex yet, if you have sincere feelings for him in your heart. However, it is better to take this relationship very slow and steady, building a graceful friendship as the base of any future foundation.
In case, his ex-talks are bothering and stressing you to the core and making you lose hope in this opening stage of a relationship, this article is exclusively for you.
I encourage you to have a thorough reading of this article below to understand in detail if you should wait for a guy who is not over his ex just yet.
Why Should You Wait For Him Even Though He Is Not Over His Ex?
There is nothing wrong with taking time to heal from a tragic breakup. We all should learn to validate our deepest emotions and uplift one another to process and heal from these tough pasts traumas.
Try building a good, comfortable, happy friendship to allow him space to grieve and pour out his genuine emotions. This will indeed strengthen your bonding with him. You can also wait for him to deal with it all by himself while just being good friends.
Here are some tips and suggestions that will help you to look at your guy with a positive and fresh point of view in such a situation.
- He is honest about his feelings: When he opens up about his honest feelings around past traumas and breakup, he is being honest and vulnerable. Men often keep their feelings to themselves and dislike being vulnerable and weak in front of others. You should respect his honesty with you here.
- He finds it comfortable to be authentic self with you: Think about it for a moment, are we authentic with every friend or family member we have around us? The answer is a clear NO! We are only authentic with those we genuinely trust and feel deep respect for in our hearts. His authenticity should encourage you to stay, rather than stressing about the future.
- Maybe you are the only one he is dating since his breakup: We all know about the wounds a breakup can create. It is never easy to heal from losing someone whom we sincerely loved. Maybe you have just started dating this guy and are already stressed about the future of where it is heading. Pause and take a moment to think that your guy was in love and got his heartbroken! He is in deeper pain and needs your support and love to heal himself and start afresh again.
- It is a good chance for you to build a deep friendship with him: Take this situation as a chance to lay a strong foundation of deep soulful friendship. Friendship makes all relationships easy to work with mutual understanding and acceptance.
Changing your perspective towards this guy can help you clear all confusion on whether to wait for your guy or move on with your life.
How Can You Help Him Get Over His Ex?
If you as a girlfriend want to support your guy with genuine intentions and help him to get over his past relationship, here are some suggestions from experts.
- Listen to your guy sincerely: Sometimes when we are in pain or grieving over any past incident or loss of someone from our life, all we need is sincere persons who would listen to our words. So, listen to what your guy has to say and validate all his emotions without any judgment. This approach will make him feel healed. Be the person he feels comfortable sharing all his deep emotions with.
If you see him vulnerable, it means you are a safe shoulder for him to cry on. This is a very positive sign that he trusts you. And, as we all know, trust is the primary foundation of any relationship.
- Do not try to bring his ex up in every conversation you have: Do not frequently bring his ex up in all conversations you have with him. Do not stalk their Instagram and fill your guy’s ear with dirty talks about his past relationship. The gossip game can ruin things up further. It is better to listen, be supportive yet careful about the kind of inputs that you are sharing as a friend in this situation.
- Do not try to be like his ex or copy her actions: This will be the worst idea to help your guy in healing from his past. Do not ever try to be the girl from his past by dressing or behaving like her. He does not need you to do that. Bring your light to the table and shine from a place of friendship and understanding. Try to be unique and give him more reasons to open his heart to a new relationship.
- Do not try to “fix“ your guy: Do not try to fix your man, unless you are the one giving him therapy. It will be the last thing that he would want you as his therapist to fix him. Do not try to find a solution to all his problems. He is mature enough to heal himself from his past.
All he needs is your empathy, understanding, and time. Hold his hand and be a friend rather than being a therapist.
- Help him to realize his mistakes and patterns (if any): Sometimes consciously and often subconsciously we keep repeating the same patterns in our lives that bring us the same unwanted results. Be in love, or any other general event, we need to watch our actions carefully and make conscious decisions to step out of the loop.
Help your man to gently reflect on the patterns that he may be repeating through his behavior and decisions. This will help him realize his faults and understand the reactions of the others involved. Once we learn why an ex-partner was not the right fit for us, a breakup becomes easy to accept and so is moving on.
- Do not try to make your guy feel jealous: Do not try to settle for any general seductive or flirtatious tactics to flicks your guy. This is not the right time for those experimental moments to win his heart.
Instead, be present and around him. Do fun things together and enjoy your time. Be real and be authentic.
If you can follow these relationship codes rightly, your friendly gestures will surely help him heal from the past overtime.
How Can You Get Him Into You?
Understand that the situation does not call for any jealous friend or girlfriend vibe. Instead, you have to be a supporting partner, who is open to understanding and accepting the situation as it is.
You have to take a risk and put your best foot forward as a friend and forget about being in a relationship. Keep your intentions pure and work and support him from a place of respect rather than craving attention.
Here are some tips to help to get him into you.
- Try out new and fun activities with him: Go out to have a more fun time with him. Try out new activities and adventures and get him back the taste of life. Go hiking, try river rafting, skating, or any sport that makes both of you face new challenges and throws you out of your comfort zone.
This will not only help your guy regain his joy and confidence but also bring you both closer and build much-needed trust and friendship.
- Be YOU: Seeking love and attention often make us step into doing things that do not resonate with our real being. Rather than trying to be an over-smart person, it is always better to bring the real authentic self to the table. We all are unique in the way we are and that’s what makes us lovable. You must understand that you are lovable the way you are and no changes are required to win the heart of someone we feel attracted to.
- Help him recover his worth: Breakups are tough and be it, men or women, many times a breakup builds a notion that we are not good for anyone. Breakups lead to losing confidence and drown us deep into the pull of self-sabotaging.
Help your guy bring back his lost confidence and support him in the process of accepting and healing from past wounds. This will make him see your worth and your support.
- Accept him with his setbacks: No one is a perfect man or a woman. We all have our flaws and setbacks. Yes, you need to hear him and show him his patterns, but at the same time do not make him look over-flawed. Or do not let your confusion of waiting or moving on, overshadow his good qualities. Accept him with his flaws and hope that he does the same for you too.
- Do not be too much available: Yes, you need to listen, have fun and be with him. However, you must also know to balance that. Too much availability to your guy is not healthy for both of you. We all need space to spend time alone, doing the things we love, processing all the collected information, and heal in silence.
- Set clear boundaries and let him know: Any person needs to understand and learn how to set healthy boundaries. Boundaries play a crucial role, as this will let your guy know that you are not going to take anything less than what you deserve. Do not accept any rude attitude or harshness just because he is going through sad stuff. It is not healthy to compromise your mental health and dignity for anyone else.
- Know when to walk away: Patience with your guy is important to support him through his healing. However, know your worth too. If it has been years that you are helping him and it seems nothing has changed yet. In this case, now it’s better you leave. The more you hold on, the more it will be a toxic situation for you. You deserve love and a healthy relationship too. It is thus not wise to wait for years and get your heart broken while helping someone fix theirs.
How Will You Know if He Is Using You To Move On from His Ex?
- You do not share a romantic relationship: Ask yourself, What kind of relationship do you share with your man? Is it more about physical intimacy or emotional and mental fulfillment? A simple answer to the above question will help you to decide whether to take this as a red flag or to stay with this man a little longer.
- He never talks about the future with you: If your man is interested in you and sees a future with you, he will let you know. Yes, maybe he is healing from a past breakup and feels sad sometimes and your support is his savior. But, if he is using you, he will simply enjoy time with you but will hardly speak about the future.
- You have not met his family yet: If he has not introduced you to his parents or any family members even after a year you started dating the person, take it as a red signal. You have been dating or together for more than a year now and he refrains from introducing you to his family. Maybe he does not have similar plans like you and simply using you as bait to step out of his past pains.
- He keeps comparing you with his ex: Your guy may not be comparing you with his ex straightway. But subtle judgments and comparisons will show through his behavior, words and your gut feeling will say you a lot about the same. Trust your gut here!
- He is commitment phobic: You will know if the guy you are enquiring about is commitment-phobic. He loves to be around you, he enjoys fun times together but refrains from commitment. He fears the “relationship” word. It is time that you need to understand he is using you and it is high time to walk away maybe.
- Your guy got his ex around: You simply can not be with someone who keeps seeing their ex-girlfriend even after their breakup. Their separation may be fresh or it may have been years, but having his ex around often is a big red signal.
I understand that it is not easy to move on from a person you like and want to be in a relationship with. But understand that not everyone has the best intentions for you. If you find any red signals from your person, probably it is the time to leave.
Decision-making on love can be hurtful sometimes, but we all deserve the best. It is important that you settle for the best and not keep waiting for your guy too long.