[Right or Wrong] Telling Someone You Like Them When They Are In A Relationship

Ahiri Chakraborty
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Love is a magical feeling. And for the most part, it is mysterious too. You never know with whom or when you are going to fall in love. If we look at the classic example of Monica and Chandler from our all-time favorite series F.R.I.E.N.D.S, then we can understand that love basically works for no reason.

Monica and Chandler knew each other for so long, had multiple relationships with many people but eventually, they fell in love with each other, and that too quite madly. So, the point is, love can happen anytime, anywhere with anyone.

So, sometimes when you like a girl or a boy who is already in a relationship, you try to tell your heart to calm its feelings down. But it isn’t that easy. Although your brain would constantly tell you to stay away from that person whom you like, to hide your emotions and feelings, your heart will not listen to it.

Obviously, the first question that would start perplexing both your heart and head would be- “Should I tell him/her that I like you?” “Won’t that be awkward as they are already in a relationship?” “Would that affect our friendship?” So, your mind will be filled up with too many questions looking for the right answers. 

So, should you tell someone that you like them when he/she is in a relationship? Well, there is nothing wrong with confessing your feelings to the person you like, even though he/she is in a relationship. But you need to be within your boundary and respect the other person’s choice. Also, how you express your feelings can determine your future relationship with that person. But choosing the right time and right way will certainly make your confession smoother. 

Basically, a lot of things are involved when you want to tell someone that you like them but he/she is already in a relationship. It is easier when you are talking to someone who is also single just like you and you can express your feelings without a doubt.

But when your crush is already in a relationship, things are a bit tricky. Nonetheless, handling the situation carefully can make your life easier definitely. 

Also, hiding your feelings is never a good idea. It will only gradually damage the equation between the two of you. It is better to get a concrete answer and carry on with the truth, than just assuming and feeling hurt all by yourself. 

Is It Wrong To Tell Someone You Like Them When They Are In A Relationship?

A lot of things when it comes to matters of the heart depend on the kind of relationship you have with this person. Sometimes there are certain boundaries that need to be maintained with some people. 

However, it is not wrong to tell someone you like them when they are in a relationship. Yes, it is absolutely right. But you need to remember some things. You should not hurt or disrespect that person while expressing your feelings. 

If they want some time off from you, if they want to discuss the issues later, you need to give them that space. 

But you can always tell how you are feeling. You may get a positive or a negative answer. But you will get an answer and that will help you to move forward in your life in the future.

Keeping your feelings bottled up in your heart will bring no solution. You will always be disturbed, you won’t be able to concentrate on anything. So it’s always better that you take that step, be a little bit courageous and tell that person you like them.

Whom Can You Tell Your Feelings?

Ideally, you can tell anyone how you feel. But we can’t go beyond the limit. We all know that our hearts don’t love limits but in reality, you have to maintain certain norms. So, one thing that you need to keep in mind is that you can’t offend the other person. And in today’s day and age Consent is the key. 

If you have been friends with that person for a long time, or you have been an acquaintance for many years, you definitely have developed a comfort between you two. So, you do have the space for expressing your feelings.

But when it comes to your colleague, or someone you have met through a common friend, or in your hobby or yoga class and you know each other only for a short time, then you need to hold on to your feelings.

As I said, your comfort level, equation with the person can direct you the right way. You can measure when would be the right time or right way to tell that person. But if it’s a formal kind of friendship you have, then you have to wait for the right time. 

How To Tell Someone You Like Them When They Are In A Relationship?

This is the most difficult situation. On the one hand, you don’t want to hurt the person, on the other you want to tell how you feel to see if there is a chance for you. So, what to do? Let’s see.

  1. When he/she is your friend:

Well, when you two are already friends, half the battle is won. You know the person quite well. So, you know his/her life updates and you certainly know about her relationship status.

He/she probably shares pretty much everything about his/her relationship. So, you have a perfect idea of how is it going. Are they going through a fight, or are they having a smooth flow? You would understand the condition and accordingly plan.

  • Write your feelings. It is a very good option to convey your feelings. You can slip in a hand-written letter in her/his bag or inside her notebook. Or you can send the letter via a common friend, or put it inside her/his birthday card. 
  • Surprise her/him on a call. When you two are talking for hours about various things, you can suddenly say that you have meaning to tell him/her something special for a long time.
  • Send her an email. Well, it’s just the modern version of our letters. But if your friend is a workaholic and spends most of her time on the laptop, an email notification would not miss her attention, so you can type an email send it to her.
  • Plan a special meet-up with her/him. If you two hang out a lot then you can plan a meet-up with her/him in a special place where usually couples go. This would act as a hint for him/her and will give you the right opportunity to tell you.
  1. When he/she is your colleague:

In this case, you have to play it wisely and carefully. You certainly don’t want to create a mess at your workplace. So first of all, you have to become the friend of your colleague.

So, even if you have feelings for him/her from the very first day of the office, you have to control it for a while. You need to know the person first. But do not be over clingy.

Once you start getting to know the person and become a friend with him/her, you will also know about his/her relationship, how long they have been dating together, what’s their future plan, etc. 

Talk with him/her apart from work. You have to talk about other things like movies, sports, food, traveling and not just work to become a friend and reach a comfortable spot.

  • Start a conversation with her/him on Whatsapp. While chatting with them for a long, at the end you can say that “I want to tell you something” and convey your feelings.
  • Tell him/her after working on the same project. When you two have been spending a lot of time together working on a project, you would have a comfortable space. So you can always say it to him/her after a long day of work or during a break.
  • You can tell your feelings when you meet him/her outside work or at a party. When you find her alone and there is no one around, you can say your feelings to her directly.
  • Sending him/her a meaningful birthday gift and attaching a note with it, is also another way to tell how you feel about the person. 

How To Make The Other Person Know About Your Feelings?

Sometimes when you do not have the courage to tell him/her upfront about you feel, you can let the other person about your feelings through some gestures. Here are some tips that can help you to show your feelings.

  • Show them through your gestures. Be polite and caring with them every time you talk.
  • Always listen to them and pay attention. Notice his/her habits, likes, and dislikes.
  • Rember what she/he likes to eat, where they like to hang out, what’s their favorite Netflix series and show them what you remember by talking about these things.
  • Wait for him/her when they have not finished work or class. This little gesture will show them how much you care.
  • Wish them the first on their birthdays and give them something which has been on their wishlist for a while. He/she will surely notice your effort. 
  • Send them chocolates as a surprise. If he/she had a long and tiring week, a box of chocolate can always cheer them up. And when they get it from you and not from their current significant other, your efforts won’t go unnoticed.
  • Always be by his/her side. To gain his/her trust you need to show them that you are there for them all the time. 
  • Go the extra mile for them. If they need your help even at an unexpected time, help them to show your love for them. 
  • Be their confidante. Wining trust is not the end, keeping the trust is a huge responsibility too. So if they tell you anything, keep it to yourself and assure them their secret is safe with you. 
  • Spend time with them. I know, when he/she is already in a relationship, you won’t get a lot of time with them separately. But during the break, or when you have finished off your work early, or you two are headed in the same direction, try to spend some time. It will give the other person to know about you as well.
  • Share your past with him/her. When you share your childhood memories, past relationships with him/her, they will feel closer to you. 

Should I Tell Him/Her About My Feeling After Their Breakup?

You should not tell your feelings just after the breakup. He/she will feel that you were only waiting for this time. And all this while, you have wanted her/his relationship to end.

So, you need to give some time. Do not tell immediately. After a month, you can start talking about love and relationships with him/her and see their perception. If he/she was cheated previously, it will take some time for them to regain faith in love. So slowly start reassuring him/her by giving real-life examples, sharing stories that love can be found again. 

Also, if the person has ended the relationship on his/her own, you should wait for a bit. Once again you can be misinterpreted that you were waiting for this opportunity. Ask what happened, why did he/she take the decision, and show your genuine interest.

After a while when his/her anger is a bit melted, he/she is in a more calm mood, express your feelings. 

What To Do After Telling How I Feel?

  • Wait for his/her response. Do not ask for an immediate answer. Give them time to think and come back to you.
  • Respect the decision. The decision can be negative or positive. Whatever it is, do not disrespect or force your choice onto him/her. Accept it.
  • See their reaction and behavior after expressing your feelings. If you do not get an answer, you need to watch out how he/she is behaving to get a hint. 
  • Notice if your equation with him/her changed or not. If they start behaving weirdly or stop talking to you completely, you need to stay away for a while. If they become more friendly but do not directly express what they feel, there may be still a chance for you. 

What Not To Do After Telling How I Feel?

  • Do not call or text unnecessarily. You can’t disturb them by constantly calling or texting them. This will only become a hindrance for you and won’t help you by any means. 
  • Do not interfere in his/her personal life. If he/she has not responded to you positively, don’t ask personal questions which can offend them even more
  • Do not tell everyone about the incident. You might have many friends or many colleagues, but not all need to know about this incident. This will only bring in unnecessary rumors, discussion, and embarrassment. 
  • Do not try to contact their partner. This is extremely disrespectful and you can harm his/her relationship as well. If you genuinely like this person you would want that he/she likes you organically and not forcefully. And bringing her/his partner won’t help you anyway. 

Lastly, the most important thing to know is that how you feel. Are you genuinely interested in this person knowing that he/she is already in a relationship? If that’s a yes, then you should express your emotions but always at the right time and in the right way.

Also, even if their answer is a No, do not force them or coax them by saying the same thing. Accept the truth and move on.

If you are lucky, and he/she also likes you back, then also ask why he/she wants to end the relationship they are already in? You will also get clarity whether you are just a rebound for them or he/she likes you truly. 

FAQs:

Should you tell someone you like them if they’re in a relationship?

Yes, I can tell him/her you like them even if they are in a relationship. Telling him/her will help me to get an answer, but keeping them in my heart will not help me reach a decision.

What to do when you like someone but they are in a relationship?

Show them that you care for him/her through your gestures. Be polite to them, caring, and genuinely putting effort. Also, wait for the right moment to tell your heart’s desires. Do not jump in and say anything anytime. 

When is the right to tell someone you like when they are in a relationship?

When you two have become friends and know each other well, you can express your feelings. It is never a good idea to tell your feelings whom you’ve only known for a week because that can ruin the friendship. So wait for a minimum of 1 or 2 months. 

Discussion

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