In life, all kinda rejections hurt. In relationships, rejections hurt more. And when you have to stay friends with the person who rejected you, it hurts a lot more. In our life, such difficult moments arrive many times. When someone rejects us, on one hand, it’s too hard to stop all connections with them, and on the other, it becomes too difficult sometimes to stay friends.
Despite that difficulty, most of the time we fail to cut off all kinda connections with the people who rejected us and try to maintain some sort of contact. But seeing them hanging out with other guys/girls, being in relationships hurt us more. At this point in time, we start questioning ourselves. “Am I doing the right thing?” “Should I stay friends with a guy/girl who rejected me?”
Exactly here, the confusion starts. Whether we should stick here as just friends with the persons who rejected us or we should move on. Because it’s hardly possible to be just friends with a person whom you once liked. No matter how long it has been, there will be some sort of feelings still there to bother you.
So, leaving all such complications apart, if you ask me, whether you should stay friends or not with such a guy/girl who rejected you, I would say, Yes. Why not? If you want to give yourself a window of getting accepted even after rejection, then it’s okay to stay friends for some time. But if this staying friend isn’t working in your favor or has started bothering you, you must know how to come out of this situation. But if you can move on in your life despite being friends with such a person who once rejected you, then it’s totally okay.
There are both benefits and disadvantages of staying friends with such a guy/girl who rejected you once. If you have looked for this context on the web and landed on this page, then you must have been going through such a dilemma. Don’t worry. In this blog, I am going to tell you everything you need to know to make a proper decision.
Besides, I’ll keep sharing one of my real-life experiences throughout the blog that you may relate to.
Why Are You Staying Friends With The Person Who Rejected You?
As I mentioned earlier, there are many advantages of staying friends with such a person who rejected us once. But jumping into those advantages, you must understand the meaning of this friendship. When you decide to stay like a friend with a guy/girl who once rejected you, in most cases, you’re deciding to just accept his/her decision and compromise with the situation just to stay in touch with the person.
But on the contrary, friendship is not something that should lead to such constant difficulties or emotional dilemmas. So, there must be some concrete reasons to stay friends with the person who rejected you. And most importantly, you should be clear with the specific reason to yourself in this context.
Otherwise, you may end up getting depressed, losing your temper, and even self-dignity. That’s why it’s very important to understand why you’re staying friends with this guy/girl who rejected you.
No Doesn’t Mean Total Rejection
In many of the previous blogs, I have mentioned that a ‘NO’ doesn’t necessarily mean total rejection. Initially, both a guy and a girl can say no due to numerous reasons. That doesn’t mean he/she is completely rejecting you. There may be something wrong with the situation, with your approach, or maybe with something else.
robably this girl/guy has said such ‘NO’ and for then you considered that as a rejection. But in your subconscious, you know that it’s not a total rejection. That’s why you decided to stay friends with him/her.
You Wanna Give It Another Shot
As I discussed in the previous point, there might be something wrong with your approach, and due to that he/she replied to you with a no that you considered as a rejection. But maybe you don’t want to close the window in its entirety. Maybe, you want to rectify your flaws, revise your approach and then want to give it another shot.
Maybe that’s why you’re staying friends to understand him/her better and to create a bonding that you think is gonna help when you will approach next time.
He/she Was Your Good Friend From Earlier
Many times, people develop feelings for their close friends. But in this case, most of them end up being rejected as the other persons do not always feel the same way. But this rejection can hardly put an end to the friendship that was much older than the feeling itself. No matter how it hurts, people often tend to choose friendship over breaking it down just due to the rejection.
I had faced a similar situation in my life too. It was my final year of high school. I started feeling for one of my fellow classmates, Shanky. We used to spend a lot of time together, hanging out together. In fact, she was my closest friend in school.
I even knew that she had a boyfriend. But still, after months of self-resistance, when I approached her with my feelings, I got myself rejected. Though I knew that the rejection was inevitable, it hurt a lot. But did I choose to end our friendship? Not at all. A distance definitely came between us, but our friendship continued, the chemistry we had between us continued, as well.
You Wanna Stay Close To Her
For me, honestly, it was another reason to continue the friendship with Shanky. Though she rejected me, I always wanted to stay close to her. Even closer than her boyfriend.
Basically, the feelings we develop for the guy/girl don’t just go away with the rejection. In some cases, rejection even makes those feelings stronger. From that feeling, we start developing a caring attitude for them. Besides, we develop subconscious possessiveness if we were already friends with him/her. From these mixed feelings, we want to stay close to her madly. For that, we even compromise being friends with them though we want something else in our mind.
Chance Of FWB
A guy or a girl rejected you. But he/she is still single and says that he/she has no issue being in friendship with you. Maybe, this of his/her casual approach ignited your silly thoughts and you’re thinking that you may have a chance to be in a friend with benefits relationship with this guy/girl.
FWB relationships in such contexts aren’t totally unreal. Many people don’t want to get involved in the complications of relationships. Rather they would prefer an FWB partner with no strings attached. If you’re also in such a situation, there’s no wrong in saying friends with the guy/girl who rejected you. Obviously, you should maintain some specific approach that you’re gonna know about in the due course of this blog.
You Wanna Make Him/Her Jealous
The guy/girl has rejected you. It hurts you a lot. You didn’t expect that he/she could reject you at all. But he/she did. Now no matter whether you can move on from that feeling or not, you wanna make him/her jealous of you like hell.
To make him/her jealous, you may get involved with several other persons whom you do not admire at all and you wanna show that you’re happy in your life despite his/her rejection. To do this, you may even opt for staying friends with someone who rejected you.
You’re Driven By Vengeance Mentality
This happens when people get furious about their rejection. Out of the pain of rejection, they eventually develop an evil kinda mentality and want to harm the person who rejected them. But the best way to harm anyone is to stay closer to the person in disguise. Maybe you also feel in a similar way and that’s why you opted to stay friends with this guy/girl.
It Was A Casual Approach
You saw a guy/girl. From this first sight, you liked him/her and you ended up approaching this person casually. Then he/she rejects you. But your approach was so casual that it didn’t matter to you at all. That’s why you made peace with the situation and decided to start a friendship with that person who rejected you.
This one is totally a healthy way to stay friends with the guy/girl who rejected you once. Who knows, you two may end up being best friends or maybe even a beautiful couple in the future!
When You Shouldn’t Stay Friends With Them?
As I mentioned in the very beginning, there are a few disadvantages too of staying friends with the person who rejected you. If you notice that those disadvantages are showing up, I think it's time to end the friendship. Or if you’re yet to start a friendship with the person who rejected you and you think that some bad sides may show up in the future, you shouldn’t start it at all in the beginning.
But to make any decision, you must know about the context entirely. That’s why you must know what are those disadvantages or when you should step out.
He/she Is Using You
Many times when guys/girls reject a person and the person offers them a friendship, they tend to think of it as an opportunity. Then they try to use this opportunity to exploit this person, maybe economically, emotionally, or sexually. One of my friends has suffered from a similar situation when the girl who rejected him, used him as her emotional dump box. She used to dump all her emotional traumas on my friend, and the guy listened to him out of his feelings for that girl.
You should never allow yourself to get exploited in any way just against the price of staying close to her.
You’re Being Too Vulnerable
After getting rejected you have made peace with her, and just to satisfy your inner soul to some extent, you decided to compromise with your feelings against the cost of a friendship. But you can’t sustain the situation. You can’t anymore deal with the constant clash between your romantic feelings inside and fake friendly feelings outside.
Due to this constant emotional fight, you’re now tired. And from this tiredness, you’ve started being vulnerable. This vulnerability can result in different ways in different persons. This can lead to losing your temper, you may turn out to be a namby-pamby person, and it can even lead to serious anxiety. If you’re facing such a similar situation, you should immediately come out of the friendship with the person who rejected you once.
You’re Being Evil-Minded
Remember, I talked about the vengeance mentality? When people get rejected by someone whom they like, some of them get furious and tend to make the guy/girl jealous or even try to harm them. It happens when people do not expect them to be rejected, but end up being so.
If your situation is the same, and you’re subscribing to evil ideas deep into your mind, I advise you to immediately come out of this so-called fake ‘friendship’ thing. Not only, this is morally wrong, but this approach can also trap you in some serious trouble.
It’s Leading To Loss Of Your Self-Esteem
Do you think that the friendly bonding you’re sharing with this person is leading to or will lead to a loss of your self-esteem? Ask yourself this question and answer honestly. If you get a ‘yes’ as the answer, it’s probably time to rescue yourself out of this situation.
When some guy/girl rejects you and you offer him/her your friendship, he may take this offer as an opportunity to use or abuse you. This constant abuse can lead to a loss of your self-esteem. If you think this friendship has the potential or is already doing so, it’s high time to come out of this situation.
He/She Rejected You Rudely
If the guy/girl who rejected you has behaved rudely, you should never offer him/her your friendship no matter what reason you have. If someone doesn’t have that much courtesy to respond to a person’s love offer politely, he/she doesn’t deserve your friendship. Even if you manage to be friends with that person, I can assure you, you’re gonna end up more badly.
It’s Affecting The Other Person
Sometimes, in such friendships, despite being a friend we become so possessive, so bothersome that the life of the other person starts getting affected. Or maybe, he/she told his/her partner about you, and they’re having serious issues in their relationship for your presence in his/her life. In both situations, you should come out of the friendship, no matter how much it hurts.
Think for yourself. Do you want to be a reason for someone’s suffering, especially those you have feelings for?
Your Effort Is One-Sided
You approach a person and end up getting rejected, but still trying to be friends with him/her. But it seems that it’s only you who’s putting in all the effort. Definitely, your effort will be more than him/her, but you shouldn’t put in all effort to make the friendship work. If you think that things are going that way or may go that way, it’s again time for a self revival.
What Your Overall Approach Should Be?
After rejection, your feelings about this person aren’t gonna go anywhere overnight. So, even if you stay friends with him/her, you’re gonna expect many such things from that person, at least subconsciously, that you shouldn’t. But always remember, on the other hand, this person is gonna treat you just as a friend and nothing else.
He/she may share with you many such sensitive things or stories of his/her life that may end up hurting you. But you know that you’re just a friend. So you can hardly express your feelings.
Now think about yourself. Can you handle this extreme dilemma? No, I’m not discouraging you with those cautions. Rather I’m speaking the hard truth. So, if you’re ready to handle such extreme situations that may arrive, it’s time to know how your overall approach should be in this special friendship.
- In such a friendship, you should never try to push your feelings and your opinions to the person. Rather you can tell him/her how you feel much gently and casually.
- Don’t be a possessive friend. People do not like possessiveness even from their partners. So, remember that you promised just a friendship without any emotional burden. So, if you push your internal insecurity to such a person, be ready to lose the closeness to him/her.
- Try to make use of this closeness with the person you like. Try to know about his/her likes and dislikes. Be yourself but rectify your flaws. Then try approaching him/her if he/she is still single.
- Don’t go with any kinda specific intention. If you’re offering friendship, then be a genuine friend. Be with her, help her, but always maintain your dignity.
- Don’t expect much from the person who rejected you. He/she may have accepted your friendship, but that doesn’t mean he/she has subscribed to fulfill all your emotional expectations too. If you expect too much, be ready to be disheartened.
Now, after going through the entire blog, you have mastered the art of being friends with the person who rejected you. So, you know what you should do and how you should do it. Just always remember that it’s only you who should matter to yourself, nobody else. Never let yourself live in some toxic situation just because you like someone. Follow this, and the rest will follow you automatically.
For your further help, I’m adding some frequently asked questions that I often face from people who’re dealing with such situations.
As this question indicates to man, I wanna say that all men do not see women as an object just to have sex. Whether you man will exploit you sexually or not, that can be understood only by analyzing his overall tendencies towards you even after rejecting.
Yes, they do. Change is the only inevitable thing that comes with time. If you can befriend the time itself and make the situation work in your favor, the person you’re talking about can definitely change their mind. But I suggest you never offer your friendship with any specific intention.
You will notice significant changes in his/her overall approaches or behaviors towards you. As he/she already knows that you have feelings for him/her, this person will not try to hide his/her developing feelings for you too.
The best way to make your mind in this regard is self-love. By loving yourself more you will allow your brain to think more about your own good. By practicing regular self-love, you’ll eventually become able to make your mind come out of this so-called friendship.