You can choose your man, but not the ones he is friends with. So if your boyfriend is close to a lot of female friends or has a female best friend, should you be worried?
You should not be worried if your boyfriend has a close relationship with a female friend. Men tend to stick to their choices and loyalty is important to us. If you have been the same and put in the effort needed in a relationship, you need not worry about a close female friend of your boyfriend.
Let’s talk about control in a relationship before we get into the ‘Should I be worried?’ We cannot control our partners to be close to only certain kinds of people. It is not fair to them, irrespective of gender.
Control can only be achieved within yourself by trusting the process unless given a reason otherwise.
If he has a lot of female friends there are more chances that nothing is going on, guys tend to be one-track flirts, and playing around with too many girls is not realistic for every guy.
However, things can get a bit more tricky if he has a best friend who is a girl.
Now the reason it can get tricky is not physical unless he was attracted to her previously and nothing panned out for him then.
If she was his friend before you came along and he is not attracted to her, then it is all about how well connected they are psychologically.
Now bear in mind that just because they are close doesn't mean that you have to be worried, but here are a few signs that you should be careful of
Behavioral Traits That Should Make You Worry
When there is fire there is smoke, your boyfriend’s behavior is an important indicator of his feelings. Hence go through the points below and make an informed guess towards your next action.
If you feel at any point in time that your boyfriend is comparing you to his female friend a lot and not in a positive way, you should be worried.
Comparisons are the first warning signs. It’s great to appreciate qualities as a friend but if there is an implication like, why can’t you do that too! there may be a problem.
Irrespective of gender, partners tend to compare desirable traits when their current love life becomes monotonous or unfulfilling to them.
You can find desirable traits in other human beings, just do not compare them with people in your lives.
If you want something or are impressed by someone, try to achieve similar goals. If your partner is only comparing you to his friend you should be worried.
If your partner’s priority is not you then you should be worried. Priorities matter a lot, the choice between you and his female friend should be clear.
If your partner always prioritizes her needs over yours to the point of neglect, you should confront and get to the bottom of this.
Help when needed is fine, we all understand that priority is also bound to situations. So if the friend needs help then your priorities can take a step back however this can never be an everyday event.
If you find yourself in such a situation you should be worried.
There will always be social gatherings with his friends and if you are always the one not invited you should be worried.
Now it is possible that you have just gotten into the relationship and he is unsure if it’s the right time for you to meet his friends.
However, if the relationship moves towards something more than casual dating, you should not be excluded from his social gatherings and get to meet the people who matter in his life.
So if you find yourself socially excluded then you should be worried.
No One Likes You
If he has a female best friend who was never too fond of you, there may be a problem. Now it takes time to get to know someone, if you are unliked there is always a reasonable explanation.
If you get the vibe that the female best friend doesn't like you, ask her why. If you get a real answer and find merit in it, improve.
However, if you are unable to find why she doesn't like you and nothing is clear even after trying your best, you need to be worried that she might try to create a negative impression of you out of jealousy or reasons unknown.
To Confide More
One of the situations that can cause worry is where your boyfriend confides in her more about his worries or feelings. Confiding in someone is not wrong but being the partner you can expect that trust from your boyfriend. Confiding in someone is more about how much trust they place on that person and how comfortable they are.
If the relationship is new, no worries as it takes time to gain that trust. However, in time if you are still not the person he confides in there may be a reason to worry.
Looking at a few of these reasons might get you worried but all is not bad, I would like to reiterate that we cannot control the people in our partner’s lives and so we can only determine for ourselves if that ‘female friend’ should make us worry.
The Right Questions To Ask For Your Concerns
Doubts often can cause the truth to be revealed or lead to undesirable outcomes. Many times good friendships break due to unnecessary doubts. However, your doubts can also reveal if things are good to go or otherwise. So, asking the right questions for your concerns is mandatory.
Who Is She?
Although a simple question, it can give you a few of those answers you seek. Who is She? Can help you understand her as a person.
The answers to Who is She can help determine if she is your boyfriend's type, the similarities they share, and maybe some insights to whether they will or will not work out for each other.
Getting to know her can surely help eliminate the doubts that you were having.
Was There A History?
If there was a history between them then it gets slightly more complicated. When you have a history with someone, then there was an attraction at some point.
If your boyfriend has a female friend he has a history with you need to consider his behavior towards you. The points mentioned above can help you clear those doubts.
There is nothing wrong with being friends with your ex, there is a reason things did not work out, as long as you are clear about the reason and your partner treats you right, you need not be worried.
What Is Her Attitude?
You can determine someone's intent through their attitude towards it. Is the friend comfortable being around the two of you? Does she make you feel comfortable? If not, have you talked to her about it?
If you have done all that was necessary to create a positive attitude towards you and her attitude is still not right, you may have cause to worry.
So her attitude can help judge if you should be worried about her or not.
How Is The Communication?
Communication between you and your boyfriend’s female best friend is also an important criterion to judge.
Well, the ‘friend’ in general will know that there might be some initial tension due to her, did she communicate in her way that there is nothing to worry about?
The friend doesn't need to make you feel welcome but if they have put you under consideration and they know how to communicate with you, things should be well.
It may take time but good communication always helps to eliminate the doubt.
How To Address Your Insecurities If You Find Nothing Wrong?
You have confirmed that there is nothing wrong with your boyfriend’s female friend and yet there is that lingering doubt that keeps revisiting you. Let’s look at a few things to do that will help you deal with your insecurities.
If It Had To Happen It Would Have
You may tend to ignore the fact that his female friend was around even before you and if there was anything that could have happened, would have.
There are various reasons for each individual to connect with others, and not all male-female relationships tend to be romantic.
So if it has not happened trust in the fact that it won’t happen.
Be A Good Girlfriend
As long as you are a good partner and do your part, be loyal, supportive and a good person your boyfriend should have no reason to make you worried.
You treat others by how you are treated, if you have been an amazing girlfriend, trust in your efforts.
So a sure-fire way to make sure that this insecurity does not affect you is to do your part and believe that your efforts are not in vain.
Be A Friend
Spend time building a friendship with his friend. Most of the time this ‘friend’ has no ulterior motives and is equally confused on how to get along with you.
So, extend that olive branch of friendship and if all goes well you may see a great friend in her as well.
Being her friend as well will let you see why your boyfriend finds merit in his friendship and your insecurities will no longer bother you.
Spend time with your boyfriend and his friends. If you are invited to a gathering of his friends take the initiative to get to know them.
Firstly, it never hurts to get to know people close to your boyfriend, it may even give you some insights into the person you are dating. Secondly, getting more involved helps to keep that insecurity in check.
To talk about your guy having a female friend and if you should be worried.
Most men know which category to place the women in their lives in. It can be just friends, (potential) friends with benefits, (potential) Relationship material.
So you should be pretty confident about the women in his life as men generally do not mix their choices.
We don't keep backups, if you are the one he is interested in then he will be with you, and the rest all come in the first category of just friends.
A single man may have his options more open but in most cases, loyalty is very important to men and we stick to our choices. So if you are worried about the female friends in his life as long as they don’t check our reasons above all should be good to go.