The Female Mind Control Handbook
We all want to call ourselves that chilled-out, cool girlfriend who got their boyfriend right. Loving, caring, pampering, fun, and mostly sorted. But, is that what we are when we find our men relaxing and hanging out normally with their female friends? Well, honestly NO! Boyfriends chilling out and having their female friends around after work or in social gatherings get us girlfriends insecure and possessive. Jealousy sprouting from insecurity and muddy moods are normal human emotions.
So, in this context, how to stop being a jealous girlfriend?
- Work on your insecurities to overcome jealousy.
- Calm down your anger and work on your frustrations.
- Evaluate the current situation in comparison with similar past situations you faced.
- Establish a proper boundary line for both relationship and yourself.
- Talk to your boyfriend calmly and explain your feelings.
- Talk with your well-wishers and evaluate all advice on your own.
- Spend quality time with your friends and family and get involved in creative activities.
- Prepare yourself for any tough situation.
Jealousy also reflects many underlying emotions, wounds, and facts about ourselves and the situation sometimes. However, you are already on this page reading this article. I believe you have decided to work on yourself and strengthen your relationship status as well.
I encourage you to have a thorough read to stop being a jealous girlfriend and get back to the super-cool chilled and sorted girlfriend avatar ASAP!
Understanding Jealousy And Yourself
The very first step to solve any problem is to look at the underlying root factors. Speaking specifically about jealousy, it mostly sprouts from lack of self-love. It is very important to fill your own cup of love before pouring it into others!
We feel jealous mostly during times when we do not feel good or confident in our skin, clothes, or any other external factor. It is common among many who come from hurtful pasts and wounded backgrounds. Lack of love from family, friends, teachers, or growing up in an unhealthy home atmosphere, or maybe having a past where one was rejected or cheated upon.
Lack of self-love and acceptance will always limit us from opening ourselves to experience life and relationships at best. Seeing your boyfriend with any female friend you find better than yourself will often trigger jealousy and insecurities.
Uncontrolled jealous behavior and insecure attitude often lead to anger, frustration, and stress ruining otherwise beautiful healthy relationships. Mostly it is our very own imaginary stories sprouting from past traumas that make us go nuts when we see any other girl around our boyfriends.
Talking to a relationship coach, recognizing our trauma actions, triggers, and healing from the age-old wounds within is, by all means, the best way to deal with jealousy.
You can also try having a healthy and open conversation with your partner to work on these subtle or strong emotions. Working together equally also makes romantic relationships bloom to the next level.
How Can You Stop Being A Jealous Girlfriend To Your Beloved Boyfriend?
Acceptance of the fact that you are jealous of your boyfriend’s female friends is itself a big thing. The self-awareness that you possess is rare and I sincerely appreciate you for the same.
Insecurities and jealousy are not easy to batter with. It is a constant battle within yourself which is very stressful and can ruin any relationship. As I mentioned earlier, the root cause lies in lack of self-love, jealousy can also affect your confidence and self-image.
However, here are some simple tips and suggestions from life coaches, relationship experts, and experienced elders who have dealt with similar situations a thousand times before. I hope this gives you the much-needed strength and acceptance for tough insecure situations.
- Shine your light: Getting into a relationship with your beloved boyfriend does not necessarily mean that you will stop being you! No matter what the situation is, always shine your true light. Act from your heart, feel all your emotions whether it is love, care, anger, or jealousy. Accept yourself and all that you feel. Cause if you do not accept yourself with all imperfections, how can you accept your boyfriend to do the same for you?
- Be a genuine friend first: Friendship builds strong foundations for all romantic and platonic relationships in our life to grow. If you can be a good friend to your boyfriend and allow him all the space to be his authentic self, chances are he will never cheat or lie to you. Healthy friendships between both the person in a romantic relationship enable more clarity and openness to one another. Being a genuine friend and accepting your man with all his flaws and beauty can solve the root of your jealousy.
- Know your boyfriend’s female friends: This can be beautiful if you can follow the step right. Every person including your boyfriend’s female friend is as human as you. They too can have some insecurities and underlying traumas. If they choose to make you feel purposely insecure to project her dominating bond with your man, chances are she needs more support than hate. Get to know your boyfriend’s friend and make genuine efforts to understand and help her heal if you can. This will not only strengthen your relationship with her but also clear the fog of your insecurities and doubts.
- Set clear boundaries: In any relationship be it the one you share with your family, friends, or your boyfriend, boundaries play a crucial role. Speak up about your boundaries loud and clear and communicate properly stating why you want them to maintain all of it. start with accepting and respecting your own choices so that your boyfriend and if necessary his female friends can also respect them. If you do not like a particular female friend of your boyfriend, let him know.
- Have open and mature conversations: Conversation skills are your best friend. Know how to talk with your man about your jealousy and insecurities around a female friend. Speak from a place of understanding and openness, rather than attacking him furiously from anger and stress. Being an understanding girlfriend will also help your man to approach you friendly and speak the truth comfortably. Chances are this will also help your partner talk to you about their honest feelings and emotions.
Having said all these, I must also mention that a relationship stands rooted deep in mutual support, acceptance, and efforts. You must also respect your partner’s boundaries with his friends and allow him his bro-time and meetups as well.
How Can You Deal With Your Boyfriend’s Female Friend And Also Heal Your Insecurities And Jealousy?
Misunderstandings and the influence of female or male friends from your side or your boyfriend’s side can shake your healthy relationship to its core. It is better to sit and accept the fact that both of you have friends of the opposite gender and it is normal.
Trusting one another in a romantic relationship is key to taking it further. Without a strong foundation of trust, any relationship is meant to fall off. However, here are a few suggestions that will help you deal with your partner’s female friend.
- Understanding her role in your boyfriend’s life: Every person in our lives brings their share of roles that either nourishes our being or limits our growth. Figure out why the female friend of your concern is there in your partner’s life. If she is adding some crucial value in the work-life or personal life of your partner, you may need to trust her rather than doubting or feeling jealous. Not every woman is here to steal your man. Understanding their roles will help you feel more secure and happy in the relationship.
- Practice self-awareness through journaling: Journaling by far is the best way to accept and understand your own emotions and feelings. Build a daily habit of writing down how your boyfriend makes you feel. If he has always respected, understood, and cared for you, write it down. On the other hand, if you have felt jealousy, anger, stress, or disrespect, accept all of it without judgment and write it too.
Having all your emotions written down on a piece of paper helps you have a bird-eye view of the situation and brings in clarity. Journaling helps in stress reduction as well.
- Have a heart-to-heart conversation with a trusted parent or friend: Seek guidance from your parents or talk to a dear friend who will listen to you judgment-free. If he or she is a mutual friend or family member, they can help you solve any relationship issue better. Sometimes parents and elder family members come from experienced situations and they can tell you how to handle such jealousy or insecurity in romantic relationships.
- Know how to approach your boyfriend about your feelings: Give your boyfriend his space to share and tell you the truth about his relationship or bonding with his female friends. Do not force your judgment or opinion of jealousy, triggers, insecurity, anger, or over possessiveness on your man. By doing this you can suffocate your partner and become a toxic girlfriend rather than your cool and understanding avert.
All humans need particular relationships to satisfy certain areas of their lives. Until you see the red flags and your gut tells you that there is something really fishy about your partner and his female friend, learn to trust and accept the way they are.
At the same time work your best in becoming your best and most authentic version and step out of the jealous insecure mindset.
How Can You Work On Jealousy With Your Partner?
If you have spoken about this jealousy and insecurity to your boyfriend and he accepts and understands everything, you have half the problem solved. Supporting and understanding partners are real blessings in relationships.
A supporting partner will be ready to walk that extra mile to help you step out of any stressful situation. Here are some final suggestions for you to stop being jealous of any female friend of your boyfriend.
- Engage more in fun activities to spend quality time: I know there is nothing new or special about spending quality time and you may have done this a thousand times before with your boyfriend. However, these quality times are vulnerable moments for you and your partner. Any feelings or stories or situations that you may address with each other during these moments can help you both understand each other and bring a peaceful resolution to your jealousy and insecurities.
- Take time to have difficult conversations: A face-to-face conversation about the difficult moments, situations, and feelings about each other is a rare concept mostly among young couples these days. The things we ignore are the most important. It will be a great decision to simply sit on a Sunday evening to talk about the subtle sadness that you keep pushing towards each other intentionally or unintentionally.
- Clear your doubts by planning a meet-up with this female friend and your boyfriend: Ask your boyfriend to arrange a day out with this female friend of his. If he shares a good respectful and understanding equation with his female friend of your concern, she will happily come forward to clear all your doubts and confusions about their bonding. This is a healthy way to strengthen existing relationships and build new ones.
I hope these suggestions will help you stop being a jealous girlfriend to your man and at the same time clear the clouds of your doubts. Your boyfriend’s female friends can be your good friends too if you know the right steps of building relationships.
However, one last time, you should never ignore the red flags in a relationship. Always listen to your gut feeling. If you smell something really fishy, get to its root cause with healthy and safe steps and walk away if you feel necessary.
Your efforts are worth it because trust me when I say, you deserve to be loved and appreciated for being authentic, I mean it. Take care!