How To Tell Your Parents You Have A Boyfriend When You're Not Allowed To Date?

Megha Chanda
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Whether you are a teenager with your first boyfriend or a grown-up, breaking the news of your relationship to your parents is always intimidating. And, if your parents are strict, I know how much courage you need to gather to disclose your connection.

How to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you’re not allowed to date? You are not allowed to date but you have ended up falling in love, you can break the news to your parents by picking up the right time to talk to them. If you are not comfortable being vocal you can write it out to your parents. You can also first tell it to someone you feel closer to in your family and also ask him or her to be present during the discussion.

As they say, if there is a will, there is a way, so if you are confident about your relationship with your boyfriend you may approach your strict parents in the right way if the person is right for you, they might readily accept the news. If you are lucky enough who knows, your boyfriend may become an apple of your parents’ eye whom you knew to be the strictest of parents for your entire life.

But, have you ever questioned your parents, why they do not allow you to date? If not, pause reading now and ask the question to your parents, because I did once and was completely blown by their responses.

Why Parents Do Not Allow Their Daughter To Date?

Here I’ll be sharing my experience if you are not the one to learn from experiences you can skip.

I once inquisitively asked my parents, why they do not allow me to date me even when I’m mature enough? In reply, my mother said I am a precious treasure to her and she loves protecting me at every cost. In a society where girls are portrayed as an object of pursuit, a prize to be possessed were all distasteful to her she will walk miles to shield me.

It was the society that fed her mind with the notion that danger is the synonym for boys and thus shielding me from any kind of “danger” is reasonable for her.

Some of you might find this cringy while some of you are seeing a reflection of your situation here whatever it is arguing will not change their prejudiced mind. Though we know our parents should need to put the adult pants on and let us face the world alone, we need to handle the situation tactfully. Maybe they are looking at the world wearing a blurry spectacle but their love for their daughter is undeniable.

I am assuming you are an adult and mature enough to take a decision for yourself. Then why are you afraid to break the news to your parent? Maybe your parents think you are not prepared to handle the ups and downs of a relationship, maybe your parents will think the boy is not the right fit for you, or maybe dating is not allowed in your family. 

Recognizing the “Why” will help you to discuss your boyfriend with your parent in the right way. 

How To Tell Your Parents That You Have A Boyfriend

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room, How to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you are not allowed to date.

Write To Your Parents

I have a cousin who used to share everything under the sun with her mother and on the other, I was as afraid as a grasshopper to share anything that may be “unconstitutional” I laugh at myself when I think of the bad stories that I used to cook now and then for my seemingly stringent parents to go out on a date. Being tired of all this jazz one fine night I blurted out everything on a piece of paper.

Advantage Of Writing Out:

  1. You can speak your heart out without any hesitation and interruption. You don’t have to face the blow immediately for exploding the news of you having a boyfriend.
  2. Often this kind of conversation especially with the orthodox and strict parent may lead to heated arguments. Here writing about your new relationship to your parents can come to your rescue.

Sample message you can steal from here.

“Dear Mom and Dad,

I know you care for me the most and want to give whatever is best to me. Always remember I also think and feel for you the same. Today I want to share something important which I was hesitating to express for a long and I feel it is the time you should also know about my personal life. I have a boyfriend and we have been dating for the past 6 months and we are confident in each other. We need your support and consent to move ahead in our relationship. I hope you will be kind enough.”

Now, whether will you write on paper or send your parent an email or text message that’s up to you.

Rehearse Before You Confess

We rehearse before our interview, we rehearse before our performance, we even also rehearse before expressing our feeling to our crush. So why won’t you rehearse before exploding such big news to your parents? Be prepared for some strong criticism too, but don’t lose your calm. Always remember, it is you who needs the green flag to happily move forward with your newfound love.

How To Rehearse Before The Final Performance 😉

  • Mirror Technique

Stand in front of your mirror. Take a couple of deep breaths. Imagine your parents who are strict standing in front of you and slowly starking out about your boyfriend. 

Objections will come on your way but you must maintain sanity. At any cost, you can’t raise your voice. Handle the situation tactfully.

  • Ask for someone else’s help

If you are like me too afraid to say anything to your parent, you are going to need help. Choose someone whom you trust. In front of him or her practice how you will tell about your boyfriend to your strict parents when you are not allowed to date.

I chose one of my friends who exploded the news to my parents before I did it. It was a solid shock to them and I hope you can imagine the situation that I had to go through.

Decide To Whom Will You Break The News First

No matter how strict your parents are, there is always one to whom we feel a little closer. We know they might get angry and shout at us but that one will always be the one when they will come to our rescue in an hour of need. It can be either your mother, father, or your elder sibling. Think! Think to whom you feel a little bit more connected. Found the answer? Great! Break the news of your boyfriend to him/her first.

My brother first broke his news of relationship to me because of two reasons 

  • He trusts me deeply
  • He knew well, that I can be the best help in this case.

Or, if you are a rebel just go and confront the news, don’t overthink.

Be Sensitive, Pick A Right Time

Picking the right time to disclose the news can make or break your love life. You are mature enough not to approach your parents when they are busy with their routines. 

How does it feel when you had a big fight with your partner and suddenly someone comes in asking for your time? You get irritated and create unnecessary drama. The same will happen if you are approaching your parents at the wrong time to break the news.

Saying that, don’t keep waiting for the right time to talk to your parents about your boyfriend forever. Seriously, it will never come. By procrastinating it you are making the case more complicated. I understand your parents are strict but eventually, you need to break the news to your parent if you and your partner feel confident in the relationship.

If you are reading this, then you already knew how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you’re not allowed to date.

What Should You Discuss With Your Parents

Let’s find out what should you discuss with your parents after telling them, that you have a boyfriend

  • Tell them you are responsible enough to take a life decision

Make your parents understand that with time, you have gained maturity and you are capable of being in a relationship with a person of your choice and also can tackle the situation if ever it goes off the track. Be reasonable and if your parents don’t agree to give them the time they need. For so long, they were thinking in a certain way and now you dropped a bomb it is natural for them to absorb the news.

For god’s sake please don’t say a line like this, “Joana, of my age are dating and her parents are cool about that, so you should also be allowed to date” 

  • Be Ready For Compromise

You expect your parents to allow you to date even though they don’t want it. So you also must give them something in return. Try to fulfill if they have any specific reasonable demand. After all, they are your parents and they only want the best for us.

You may promise your parents that you will only meet your boyfriend on the weekend so it will not hamper your academics.

  • Introduce your boyfriend

Tell your parents about your boyfriend. Let them know his positive qualities that swept their daughter by feet. If your parents know that the person is responsible, respectful, and capable of keeping their daughter happy, then I don’t think that they can hold on to their anger for long.

Be prepared for thousands of questions coming to you at lightspeed. You need to switch on your zen mode and answer the question reasonably as much as possible. 

Respect their concern, they are doing it out of love and concern. If they have any legitimate concerns, consider that. We might often get irritated but remember they have more experience than you

I have shown you ways to tell about your boyfriend to your parent. What to discuss about them. But I feel I should equip you with the ways to tackle the objections, that are very like to arrive.

5 Pro-Tips To Deal With Objections

  1. Ask what is bothering them: They might have spotted some red flags, instead of being blind in love assure them, you will keep their points in mind. If you have ever spotted any such thing in the relationship, you will move out of it gracefully. 
  1. Clear the misconception: Your parents may have heard something negative about your boyfriend from someone else. It is your responsibility to clear those doubts and conceptions about the boy you are in a relationship with. The misconception can go long way if not clear at the beginning.
  1. Give them time: You have done something that your parents do not want you to do. So it is reasonable if they get furious at you initially. It is recommended, you must not get agitated by their behavior. No need to think your parents will never allow you to date. Just like every one of us they need time to get accustomed to the fact. Be rational and cooperate with your parents. Maybe they are going overboard but this is all because of their love and concern for you.
  1. Talk about your boyfriend frequently: You have disclosed the fact that you have a boyfriend to your parents but getting no green signal, you stopped talking about it and started cooking stories like I used to do as an escape. Stop, if you are doing this. I am not telling you to nag. But till your parents get fine with the fact that you are dating, talk about your relationship frequently but be aware of the right time. 
  1. Seek for help: I can feel how the entire environment changes when our parents come to know that we are dating especially when we are not allowed to. It may not be possible for you to handle the situation solely, you may seek someone’s help who is close to your parent. Seek help from someone you think is capable of making your parents understand the situation. At least share your problems with your partner, he will understand best. He might not help you in this case but sharing your condition with the person you love can help you to maintain sanity in a rough situation.

In the end, I want to tell do whatever it takes to disclose the news to your parent. Don’t hide it. Remember you are in love and it is not a crime. Your parents may not allow you to date but at the same time, you don’t have control over your heart.

So there is no need to hide it from the parent. The situation will be even worse if your parents get to know about dating a guy from someone else. They will be thinking that you are doing something wrong or the boy is not a good fit for you, so you haven’t spoken about it to them.

If you don’t want to fall into this trap, go and tell your parents. Be ready for some blood and tears but this too shall pass. On top of this, you have all the ninja techniques on how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you're not allowed to date.


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