Some parents are very strict with their kids, some open and friendly but not when it comes to romance. If you have looked for this post and are now reading my write-up, I assume that you may be facing a similar situation. I faced such a situation as well during my high school days.
In high school I had a boyfriend, I don’t want to take his name! Okay, let’s call him Roger. We were sweethearts and were so much in love. He was my first boyfriend and two years older than me. We started dating and hanging around after school hours. Things were sailing smoothly until one day my parents found out about our relationship!
The issue with strict parents is that they will allow us everything, but not when we desire it. They have a pre-set timing in their mind about when we should be in relationships or have partners in our lives and romance. But we can’t sacrifice falling in love just because of our parents! The solution is quite obvious, right? We should be careful about hanging out with our boyfriends if they have strict parents.
So, how exactly can you hang out with your boyfriend despite having strict parents?
Basically, it depends on the very mindset of your parents. The most common method of hanging out with boys despite having strict parents is making excuses. Excuses like group study, extra class, friends’ house parties, movie nights, or sleepovers with friends, work in most cases. Always be careful and don’t make silly mistakes while making such excuses. But speaking the truth and taking responsibility for the relationship is always better than making false excuses to convince any parent.
Understanding The Parents’ Point Of View
To solve a problem, we need to start from its root. So, here primarily we need to cultivate the reasons why parents have problems with our dating.
The thing with most parents is that they are overprotective. They have lived their life longer than us and thus try to express authority to guide us in life. It’s hard to understand your parents’ mentality as teenagers especially. That’s why their strictness keeps clashing with our liberty.
Here are some reasons why your parents are strict about you having a relationship with him:
- You guys are too young: Dating as a teenager may seem normal to you, but not to your parents. There are certain changes we all go through while growing up. Teenage is a tender yet sensitive age where young inexperienced lovers often mess up while exploring in a relationship. That is why parents act super-strict with their children.
- Parents do not want you guys to make any mistakes: As I mentioned, inexperienced love for the first time is all about exploring sexuality, intimacy, and all those things that you have only read about or watched in movies. The reality though is very different and unknown to young lovers. Parents often get worried about their children’s tender age and young hearts.
- Parents know that early dating may affect your studies: Studies and career is another reason why your parents may be acting strictly. No parents want their children to compromise on their education. This strict parents situation is often seen for young lovers, especially in conservative families. If your parents get assured about your education and career, they may not behave as strictly as they usually do.
- You may outgrow each other: Sometimes parents get strict with their children as they are afraid of witnessing their children going through severe heartbreaks as most of these young relationships often get broken up. It is hard for parents to see their children cry and go through sensitive heartbreaks. However, conservative parents are sometimes not just willing to allow their children to enjoy any private life. This attitude also suffocates children and makes them break rules for love.
Dating Your Boyfriend Secretly
You now know the mindset of parents and why they dislike your presence around your boyfriend! When I figured out that my parents, especially my father, disliked Roger around me, I was sad, heartbroken, and furious from within. One evening Roger even left me in the middle of a house party as my father reacted for being so clingy to me.
I was heartbroken after this incident and felt that my parents will never be easy with this relationship. However, that night after the party got over, I sat with this feeling and thought it through. Eventually, I understood the concern of my parents and decided to be in a secret relationship from now onwards.
To be honest, as I look back after years, I feel it was a unique experience all in all. It was not the best decision I made with Roger, but neither the worst. As I have already learned my lessons, I would like to share them with you.
Here are some suggestions I want you to remember before you engage in hiding your relationship.
Are You Making The Right Decision Of Having A Secret Relationship With Your Boyfriend?
I understand it is never easy to be in a secret relationship with a person you love. Hiding your relationship from your parents is neither an easy task. You will have to tell many lies to hide one truth. Also, remember WHY your parents were being strict in the first place? If you are a young couple and still in your teens, be careful about making all the decisions. Many times it is possible that you get caught due to silly and immature acts.
If your parents are conservative and do not allow you enough privacy, dating your boyfriend secretly can create more mess.
How Can You Make It Work?
Making a secret relationship work is not an easy job. It needs enough effort, understanding, acceptance, and a lot more. However, in this situation where you are trying to date your boyfriend with strict parents, you gotta learn a few tips to make it work secretly. Social media contacts, daily long chats/messaging, long time outs, and other possible doubtful areas should be avoided.
You can use your best friend to make an excuse to your parents to spend time with your boyfriend. Also, having your boyfriend within a common or known friend circle will solve the “strict parent” problem to a large extent. These are some of the common ways to make a secret relationship work with your boyfriend. At least, these worked for me.
Things You Need To Avoid While Secretly Dating Your Boyfriend
While dating your boyfriend with strict parents, it’s better not to engage in romance in public places. What I mean to say is young couples often engage in acts of romance and PDA (public display of affection). If your relationship is secret, it is better that you avoid getting hickey or any other physical proof of your young mushy mushy romance.
It is mostly that young couples feel "butterflies in the stomach" and this leads to flirty romance. Not knowing where to stop may have unavoidable consequences. That will eventually lead to your parents catching you with your relationship and it’ll be over.
Excuses You Can Make To Hang Out With Him
As you are already enjoying a secret relationship, you gotta make some serious excuses. Lies are never appreciated. But, to spend time with your boyfriend with strict parents, here are a few excuses that will surely help you.
Most of the grown-up couples will be like "been there, done that!". It is very true that when we’re young, most of our parents are strict about almost everything. So, it’s no wonder that your parents are strict about your relationship as well. But remember, your education is the primary concern and hence a weak point of your parents.
So, making excuses for extra classes is one of the most common excuses that you can make to convince your strict conservative parents. Safe and sorted! How can your parents deny it when it comes to studies? 😉
Best Friend’s House Party
Your parents will not limit you if you’re visiting your best friend's house party this evening! Well, I mean they won't doubt that you guys are hanging out together at least. This excuse of visiting a house party is a great idea to spend some quality time with your boyfriend. However, be careful in your actions as parents have already gone through your age and they’re quite aware of these excuses as well.
Sleepovers With Collegemates
Some parents never accept and understand the idea of sleepovers. My parents were one of them. However, if you apply this excuse, chances are you will be allowed for this. You’re now a grown-up fellow and spending time with girlfriends is always what your parents will appreciate. Use this excuse to rock and roll at a nightclub or disco.
Movie With Friends
Roger and I tried this a lot of times. Especially on weekends, I used to make an excuse to my parents, saying that I’m going to a movie with my friends. As we were in the same school and shared a few mutual friends, this excuse worked great.
If you have a similar scenario and share mutual friends with your boyfriend, try this "I am going to watch a movie with my friends" excuse! This is a great way to spend fun and romantic time with your guy despite your parents being strict.
Home Feels Claustrophobic
You or your boyfriend are not going to sit back home, just because of strict parents. However, this pandemic situation since the end of 2019 has locked us for enough time now. Couples have already stood the test of time away from one another. Here you can be honest to your parents that home feels suffocating now. You need a break! Go on trekking, short trips, coffee dates, and all the buckles you have planned during your time away.
How To Gain Permission And Freedom From Parents
You’ve understood by now that parents can be really strict and it is a tough task to date your boyfriend secretly away from the eyes of your parents.
Again speaking from personal experience of my high school relationship, after a certain point of time, Roger and I decided to change the way we were carrying forward this relationship. We decided to sit with both our parents and speak our truth after graduating from school. So we went ahead to plan a proper meeting and sort out all the restrictions, secrecy, and strictness around our relationship.
From the numerous mistakes and lessons, here are certain suggestions that I would like to present for your help:
Build Your Base On Their Trust
This starts particularly when we are young. Our parents need to have faith in our actions, words, friends, and people we mingle with. If you and your boyfriend are obedient to your parents and give them valid reasons to trust you and your relationship, chances are they will understand and allow you the privacy you’re looking for.
However, this trust from parents also comes with age. If your parents aren’t accepting your relationship during your teenage years, they may accept it when you get grown-up and mature enough to handle all ups and downs of a relationship by yourself.
Keep Your Career On Track
Your education, schooling, and career are the only priority to your parents. They are concerned about you building a healthy career to have a bright future ahead in life. Doing well in studies, scoring well in exams, cracking well-paying jobs are a few confirmations parents look for. Both you and your boyfriend gotta keep your career on track and surely your parent's attitude towards your relationship will change for the better.
Connect With Parents And Speak The Truth
Lying is a bad habit and continuing to lie about your relationship with your parents is surely not a good option even for the relationship itself. I understand that some parents are conservative and it is hard for them to accept your romantic life. But, there’re always ways to solve these misunderstandings and strictness. One of those ways is speaking the truth to them. Sit with your parents to make them understand the truth about the relationship after a certain point of time and hope for the best to happen.
Introduce Your Boyfriend To Your Parents
This idea may sound crazy to you but yes, introducing your boyfriend to your parents in the very first place can potentially change their impressions about him. Don’t give your parents any opportunities to guess and doubt you about your relationship. Ask your boyfriend to get dressed up well, behave confidently, and of course appropriately in front of your parents and introduce him.
If he becomes successful to create a good first impression, chances are that your parents will eventually allow you to hang out with him. Look, parents just want us to be safe and happy. If your boyfriend seems worthy of you in front of your parents they might have no issue with him and your relationship. But never open up too much about him to your parents. Otherwise, they’ll think that you’re obsessed with your relationship and it’s gonna affect your career.
Respect Their Decision
A 'NO' from parents is hard to accept for young lovers. Some conservative and strict parents do not allow their children to be with their partners despite all the efforts I mentioned above. Their decision is very hard to accept when you are in love. However, the choice lies with you and your boyfriend. No matter how hard, it is always better to put your best foot forward to convince your parents of this relationship with all respect they deserve. Knowing the proper way to communicate with parents can sometimes change their decision as well.
Relationships are never smooth sailing ships in real life. Managing and understanding our parents’ point of view is just a part of any blooming relationship. Seek help from some excuses and cheat codes to date your man, however, do not forget to work it out with parents when it is time.