Marriage is an institution where both people bring their best to the table. However, sometimes the spark, love, and respect fade away due to various reasons, resulting in divorces, breakups, and separation. I have seen men give their best shot to convince their wives when she takes her decision for a divorce. But, all to vain! Women are the ones who generally give their best in a relationship to make it work. She will only give up once tired of dealing with the same problems again and again.
“I will change”, “I promise I will not repeat the mistake”, “Please do not leave, we have kids!”, “Please give me one last chance”: These are the most common statements that men use while convincing their wives. These kinds of excuses generally never work once she has made up her mind to end the deal.
So now if you ask me then how exactly you can convince your wife to give you another chance, I must say, Words will always feel fake unless your actions speak the same. It is only through genuine actions that a man can convince his wife for giving him another chance. You can try the following actions:
- Get those behavior changed of which your wife is pissed off.
- Attend your wife with love, respect, and affection.
- Treat her to new surprises.
- Be romantic and nostalgic while having conversations.
- Learn to admit mistakes and be committed.
- Carefully listen to her grievances.
- Never be rude to her.
- Be consistent with your approach.
I also have a bonus tip for you, if you are serious about your marriage and want to sort out all the complicacy with your spouse I highly recommend you to go through Mend the Marriage by Brad Browning. His methods, experience, and tactics definitely help you to save your marriage. I am not in the situation like you but still, I went through Mend the Marriage, to learn from his experience, and somehow I acknowledged the effort behind this. Finger crossed I hope this helps you too.
Tips To Prove That You Deserve A Second Chance
Let me begin with a real-life experience I witnessed. One of my close friends Sasha and her husband Jake were a beautiful romantic couple in their early twenties. We often used to hang out together and I saw how much they were crazy in love with each other and tied the knot at a beautiful beach marriage where I was invited. I loved how the two looked perfectly happy, healthy, and respectful towards each other.
Five years into their marriage, one evening I received a call from Shasa saying she wanted to come over for a few day’s stay. The next evening she was there standing at my door with her luggage and teary eyes. That night we spent sitting in my hall discussing how Jake has changed and all the spark, respect, and love has just faded away in their relationship. There was no third party involved.
However, what I figured out from the discussion was that Jake’s insecurities and Sasha's patience classed as they tried to work their marriage out.
Speaking from experience, the main reason behind separation in a marriage is EGO. When a person acts from ego (irrespective of gender), they fail to look within and participate in blame games with their partner.
Here are some points I feel will help men to analyze themselves better and make changes to convince their wives for a second chance at marriage.
- Look for the root cause of separation: Without finding the root cause of a breakup, fight, or separation from your partner, you can not even try to fix a relationship. Convincing your partner to stay and give a second chance but repeating the same mistakes is the worst you can do. Men often forget to focus on the root cause of a breakup and thus everything goes in vain. Understanding the causes of fights, misunderstandings, and mindset clashes is the first step a man should take if he wants to convince his wife for giving him another chance.
- Listen more, speak less: If you are a dominating male in a relationship, chances are that you speak more and listen to her less. This way you easily invalidate her feelings, emotions, and anything she may want to say. So now, learn to speak less first. Instead, listen more. Listen to what she wants to say, what she feels, why she is not happy with you or your actions. Listening to her part of the story will help you as a husband to make necessary changes and save this marriage with another chance.
- Law of Admit and Apologize: Some men are bad when it comes to admitting mistakes apologizing for it to their women. Look, just saying sorry is not enough! And it will never be enough if your actions are otherwise. When you apologize for a mistake that you often keep repeating, it is wise to have a proper conversation about it. Why do you keep repeating those mistakes? Why and how it bothers your partner? If your partner dislikes some of your choices or way of living, make genuine efforts to understand her point of view and sort this out. And yes, learn to admit your mistake and apologize properly and let your actions reflect it.
- Do your shadow work: “Shadow work” is a spiritual term for focusing on the darker sides of our being. These are often the subconscious actions, words, or choices that trigger us to take certain actions which are indeed unhealthy for a romantic relationship. If you have some mental, emotional, or spiritual blocks that stop you from living a happy romantic life with your wife, I advise you to sit with a therapist. Life coaches or relationship counselors are great in their work of sorting the messy thought patterns that make us repeat the same actions on loop.
- Bring changes in daily habits: When your wife is leaving the relationship or considering doing so, she is basically meant to leave an entire lifestyle that bothers her as a whole. Simply changing your lifestyle, choices, habits, thoughts, and all other subtle daily deeds can make a big difference. Men understand that it is our choices and mindsets that make us unique from one another. If we change our thoughts, change our lifestyle, and overall our actions for something better and show her some genuine effort from your side and give some time to understand and accept your new being.
- Bring back the spark: The most common mistake men make is that they forget to keep the spark alive after marriage. ‘She is already mine and I do not need to put more effort’- is a mindset most men carry with them. Women’s mindsets work differently. She loves being appreciated, guided, and protected. She loves compliments, flowers, understanding, little appreciation, support, and most importantly respect. These are subtle human emotions that all women want to feel from their husbands. If you, as her husband, forget to put these subtle and soft efforts in your relationship, it will simply lose its shine. To keep the spark alive, Men! show some effort.
What Changes Are Required To Build A New Promising Relationship?
Let us get back to the relationship of Jack and my friend Shasha. As Shasa opened up that night about Jack, I realized how lack of little things and small efforts in a relationship can make big differences. Jack called me a number of times during Sasha's stay as he was concerned about her.
Notice the point carefully. Jack called me several times but not her wife! This is the primary mistake husbands use to repeat again and again. Learn to leave your ego behind, folks. If you genuinely want her to give you another chance, don’t let your ego ruin the entire effort.
However, I had a conversation with Jack and told him to have a direct and open conversation with his beautiful wife and put in all necessary efforts if he wants to save their relationship. Eventually, Jack called her and Shasa agreed to give this marriage another chance after a healthy conversation with jack and got back home the very next day.
Look, just like Sasha, in most cases, wives also want to save the relationship as much as men do. I believe in the power of communication, action, and acceptance. It was so beautiful to watch Jack and Sasha putting in all their efforts to make their relationship work. And yes, it finally worked and they are again a happy couple now. Besides making complete lifestyle changes, Jack also did a few things in their relationship to make things work better.
Here is what I learned from Jack. I feel men can convince their wives with these simple steps.
Dedicated Quality Time
Jack started by allowing himself to spend quality time with Shasa after their big fight. I remember Shasa calling me surprised that Jack comes home early after work and surprises her with candlelight dinners at home. They cook meals together, go for walks on Sunday mornings and visit the church to pray together as well. I understand you can be busy with your work gentlemen. But, learn to manage time and dedicate it to your partner. It will make her happy.
Without growth, all relationships will fall apart. Also, two people may grow at different paces and this often creates a clash and I have witnessed relationships falling apart because of the same. If your woman (wife/girlfriend) has a different growing pace than yours and it has created severe issues between you two, then learn to give her enough time. Be supportive through your words and actions. Respond when she is not in a good mood, rather than reacting. Helping each other to grow is a way of showing that you are making genuine efforts to make this work. This is a good way of convincing her for another chance.
Engaging In A Proper Conversation
It is not possible to have a smooth sailing relationship all year, every day. Fights, misunderstandings are common and very natural in any relationship. However, we must learn to have real conversations after a fight to sort out the matter in its entirety. This helps a couple to understand each other’s mindset better and make necessary changes within their behaviors. Avoiding tough decisions or not talking to each other will make things worse. Learn how to talk to your wife about fights and problems, and give her time to understand you.
Speaking Your Truth
Yes, you both may have hurt each other, made mistakes, fought, and whatnot! However, unless you apologize and speak your truth about why you behaved or acted in a particular way, it is tough to convince her for a second chance. Speak about your honest emotions, express how you feel deeply and she will open herself up again to you.
Law Of Mutual Understanding And Acceptance
Shasa made a great gesture to understand and accept Jack’s apology as she saw his actions speaking volumes about his intentions. Women will often want their husbands to understand their point of view and the reasons behind their decision of getting separated or apply for a divorce.
Jack did not force Shasa to have another chance. Remember, you’re asking for a chance. So, it can never be a demand. What you can do is to put in all your efforts and let your action reflect it. Jack did the same. He made efforts by his actions to show that he is willing to change. Jack respected whatever decision Shasa wanted to make, he respected her each choice. It was over time that he consistently changed himself that made Shasa stay back.
As I mentioned earlier, if your marriage lacks the spark and romance, she will get bored and frustrated with you and may decide to leave. The best way to convince your wife of another chance at marriage is by romancing her soul. A woman needs depth in a marriage. She searches for those subtle ways to romance with her partner. Shallow physical intimacy is not going to give her anything. As a husband, bring her flowers, small gifts, cook her a special dish(no matter if you’re bad at cooking), make her feel special, wanted, cherished, appreciated. Let her flow with your guidance and little gestures of love. Dance in your hall with soft music, create a mood, light candles, use aroma oils or buy her a dress. Spark the light of romance in the air.
I hope now you understand that it is not a difficult task at all to convince your wife for another chance at marriage or relationship. Now go and show her with your actions that you are ready for a genuine effort and watch her allow you a “last chance”.
The responsibility and power to make it work lies absolutely with you!
My Final Words For A Man Who’s Trying To Convince His Wife For The Last Chance
If you feel that she is not yet convinced even after your genuine efforts and actions, let her be. Respect her decision, no matter if it is in your favor or not. A woman only gives up when she is tired and wounded after a lot of failures. Allow her time to be at peace with herself. Forcing, rushing, or pushing a decision on your wife to convince her for another chance is never the right way.
Take this time to work on yourself, build a good, healthy lifestyle, go out doing things you love to do, make an effort to be a gentleman again. Waiting for her, or working on yourself to win her back is entirely your personal choice.
Understands that, convincing your wife for another chance is not everything you need to save your marriage. Constantly working on the marriage to keep up the growth, romance, spark, and respect is the real beauty.
All of us learn from our past mistakes. Take this separation (if she decides so) as your chance to learn your lesson and get yourself better in your future life. Learn to respect your partner and move on.