Relationships, I mean romantic relationships are the sweetest bonding that every human being creates at least once in their lifetime. Two people interact with each other, share their thoughts and feelings with each other and this is how relationships begin. We, humans, love being in such mushy-mushy feelings of relationships.
But human beings are nomads from ancient times. Though agriculture had helped to settle us and to build civilizations, this current globalization, and extreme technological advancement nowadays promote a different type of nomadism. Now people shift from one place to another for a better quality of life, for better jobs and opportunities.
But this modern nomadism comes at a cost. It affects human relationships a lot. This is where the LDR culture comes into existence.
Long-distance relationships are a specific type of romantic relationship where the couples are separated geographically. That geographical separation can be a result of jobs at two different places, different nationalities, or maybe something else.
In this ongoing era of technological advancement where the communication mode has become mostly virtual, maintaining long-distance relationships have become much easier. And many people are successfully sustaining their long-distance relationships too.
But if you personally ask me whether I prefer a long-distance relationship or not, my answer will be ‘NO’. I don’t really prefer a long-distance relationship. In my opinion, relationships are meant to be lived together. Long-distance relationships tend to snatch that option by its very definition. Besides, long-distance relationships have a few major problems like lack of interaction, doubts, misunderstanding, lack of physical contact, etc.
I personally have no objection to those people who’re successfully sustaining their long-distance relations. In fact, kudos to them. But after years of dealing with various different aspects of relationships, from my own experience I’ve identified a few major setbacks of long-distance relationships. To me, this ruins the very basic essence of being together.
In this blog, I’m gonna tell you why I think so. If you’re on the verge of being in some long-distance relationship, I suggest you read this blog thoroughly. Like everything else in the world, this long-distance relationship thing also has some advantages and disadvantages. Besides, there’re a few specific norms that must be maintained in long-distance relations. In this blog, I’m gonna make everything crystal clear for you. Read it thoroughly, set your priority accordingly and decide for your life.
Why I Don’t Prefer Long-Distance Relationships?
I don’t have any personal grudge behind my dislike of long-distance relationships. Rather, I had some sweet experiences with it. But still, in these years of dealing with relationship stuff, I have seen many significant incidents that led me to take this stance with long-distance relationships. I will even be mentioning a few such incidents too, in the due course.
But initially, I must tell you that most of the long-distance relations I have seen in my life, haven’t worked out eventually. Yeah, some of them have worked out indeed, but they had to come a long way before making the relationship work. Look, no way I’m discouraging my readers to go for or stay in any long-distance relationships. I just wanna make sure that you know everything about long-distance relationships before indulging in one.
There’re certain factors I’ve identified as the reasons for my dislike of long-distance relationships. First, I wanna share those reasons with you. After that, it’s totally up to you whether you wanna go for a long-distance relationship or not.
Demeans The Fundamentals Of Being In Relationships
You tell me. Why do we be in relationships? To be with someone both physically and mentally, to feel good, and to stay well in life, right? Relationships are no charity! But long-distance snatch away this basic pillar of relationships. That’s why most of the time people be in long-distance relationships because they used to stay close together once.
Sometimes when people come into long-distance relationships from their initial days, either those relationships do not sustain for long or they have to eliminate the distance to make the relationship work. Thus, this long-distance thing solely demeans the fundamental norm of being in relationships by its definition.
Lack Of Communication
Most commonly, people be in a long-distance relationship not by choice but due to some unavoidable circumstances. Most of the time, these circumstances are professional.
In such situations, when two people are busy with their profession in two corners of a country or maybe the world, naturally verbal interaction between them decreases. We all know that communication is a fundamental tool to maintain any sort of relationship, no matter if it's a romantic one or not.
Lack Of Mutual Understanding
When the distance creates some communication gap between a couple, it eventually leads to a lack of mutual understanding. In this situation, people tend to misunderstand each other, don’t understand each others’ needs, and eventually fight continuously.
Something similar happened with Joe and Michelle. After Joe moved to Texas from NYC, the beautiful bonding between them got ruined with continuous fights. When I used to ask Michelle about it, she told me that Joe didn’t understand her anymore. Not her emotions, not her needs, anything. Eventually, within a year after dealing with toxic fights, they ended breaking up.
Lack Of Physical Interaction
Physical interactions are another fundamental part of romantic relationships. Saying physical interaction I don’t only refer to having sex. Rather physical interaction is something much deeper, something that is far more romantic than having sex.
It’s the touches that a couple gets indulged in while being close together, the warmth, and the nights they spend just by gossiping and cuddling. Long-distance snatches the very fundamental opportunity of being close to each other, hence a serious lack of physical interaction (along with sexual intimacy) gets created.
Cheating Becomes A Norm
Human beings are nothing but a species from the animal family; aka a social animal. We have our own needs, both physical and emotional. Our mind and internal hormones keep poking us always to find some source to fulfill those needs. That’s why no matter how loyal your counterpart is, he/she will be provoked by himself to cheat while being in long-distance relationships. I’m not at all saying that there’s no exception. But by definition exceptions are rares.
Feeling Of Insecurity
Due to the lack of communication and physical interaction, mutual understanding between couples automatically decreases. From this lack of understanding both persons develop a feeling of insecurity. They always tend to think that their better half is cheating them in some other corner of the world. This phenomenon eventually leads to severe jealousy, trust issues, and sometimes even anxiety.
Continuous Trust Issues
This is the thing I was talking about in the previous point. From the feeling of insecurity and eventual jealousy, couples develop continuous trust issues between them. Maybe a man puts a picture with his female colleagues on the Instagram story and his girlfriend starts doubting him sitting in some other corner of the world or vise-versa. This is the thing that happened between my friend Dan and his girlfriend Lexi.
Loneliness And Mental Issues
From the feelings of continuous insecurity, jealousy, and trust issues, and lack of physical interaction and communication, people often start feeling lonely while being in long-distance relationships.
Maybe some of them have even cheated on their partner, but still, the feelings of being away from their partners are tough, very tough. From this continuous loneliness, their professions, their personal life start getting affected and eventually many of them develop severe mental issues.
By default long-distance relationship is a temporary solution. While working out on this solution, people get indulged in various such factors that eventually ruin the relationship itself. And, I don’t like to be in something that eventually leads to breaking up an otherwise beautiful relationship.
Advantages of Long-Distance Relationships
Till now, I was talking only about the disadvantages of long-distance relationships due to what I don’t prefer being in such relationships. But as I mentioned earlier at the beginning, everything in the world has both pros and cons. Long-distance relationships are not an exception as well.
I told you that I wanna present you with such a blog that tells you everything about long-distance relationships. Thereafter you can decide for yourself according to your priority. Maybe, a long-distance relationship is a great option for you. It doesn’t matter whether I prefer long-distance relationships or not. It’s you who’s gonna be in the relationship. So, it should be you who decides. But to decide something, you must know about it and set your priority.
Time For Yourself
Regular couples often complain that they hardly get any individual time. Individual time is something that everybody desires but anybody hardly dares to speak about it in relationships. Jokes apart. Individual time is very essential for all human beings to understand themselves better.
A lack of regular self-time eventually leads to anxiety, lack of self-comfort and results in fights in a relationship. As long-distance relationships lack the physical presence of couples, it offers plenty of time to spend with oneself. Using this opportunity you can try to understand yourself, work on your flaws and that self-care will reflect in the relationship too.
Option To Explore Around
If you’re someone who doesn’t want to be in some serious sort of relationship, or if you aren’t yet sure about the person you’re in a relationship with and want to explore around for better options, a long-distance relationship can be your type of thing, at least for now.
Maybe you don’t wanna lose the connection with your current partner but still want to explore and have fun around. Long-distance relationships give you the opportunity to hide anything from your partner very easily and live your life according to your own rules.
No Unnecessary Interference
Regular couples often fight over interference by partners in their personal life. This happens primarily because traditional relationships provide couples the opportunity to be close to each other.
Being close, the couples tend to know almost everything about each other, spend more time together, and with time the desire for domination rises. From this desire, both girlfriends and boyfriends try to interfere in their partners’ personal lives.
But as long-distance relationships eliminate the opportunity of being close and spending time with each other, that unnecessary interference thing becomes almost non-existent. So, if you’re someone who can’t tolerate any kinda interference in your personal life, the long-distance relationship may be your thing.
Option For Trustbuilding
When two persons in a relationship stay away from each other, many specific things are highly required. But the primary one is mutual trust. As I have already said earlier, long-distance relationships naturally create an environment of doubts, mistrust, and misunderstandings.
So, if you two really want to be in a relationship and can take the initiative of trust-building with adequate efforts, the long-distance can work positively to improve your relationship at its base. So, the option for trust-building is a great opportunity for couples that long-distance relationships provide very easily.
The Spark Last Longer
In the initial days of our relationships, we feel a different level of craze, obsession, and spark among us. But with time, as relationships grow up, we start knowing each other closely, have regular physical intimacy, that spark dies with time.
But in long-distance relationships, people do not get the opportunity to know each other closely, at least can’t explore each other physically. That’s why, despite all the problems long-distance relationships have, the spark of exploration lasts here longer than regular relationships.
More Focus On Career
In regular relationships, couples often complain that they couldn’t focus on their career as they have to give regular time to their partners. But in long-distance relationships, couples hardly have to spend regular time with their partners.
So, as there is a lack of interference, interaction, and hence less distraction, one can focus on the career more sincerely. If you’re someone who’s very sincere to your career and study and still wanna be with someone, you may opt for a long-distance relationship.
Things You Must Maintain In Long-Distance Relations
As of now, you already know everything about the advantages and disadvantages of long-distance relationships. Hopefully, you’re on the verge of making a decision for yourself regarding it. Wait, are you confused? Maybe knowing the things that you have to maintain in long-distance relationships can help you to bring some clarity.
Look, as a long-distance relationship is quite different from the traditional way of relationships, many of the traditional rules do not apply to it. Instead, you must keep maintaining some specific things that you usually don’t need to maintain in regular relations. So, if you want to make your long-distance relationship work, give it a thorough reading. It’s gonna help.
Regular Communication Is Necessary
Communication is something that’s highly required to sustain any sort of relationship. But long-distance relationships snatch the opportunity to have face-to-face communication with the parents.
Here exactly, you’ve to work on. Make use of advanced technologies at their best. You’ve to make a schedule first to communicate with your partner and then follow it. Text him/her, call him/her on phone, go for video calls too. Never ever try to avoid communication.
Avoid Excessive Communication
When I talked about communication, I always meant an adequate amount of communication. Excessive communication can ruin your long-distance relationship.
Your excessive concern about your partner and excessive communication due to it can make your partner feel that you’re trying to virtually interfere in his/her life. It can consume both your time and effort and can irritate your partner at the same time. So you must avoid excessive communication in a long-distance relationship.
Virtual Sex Is Necessary
You two physically live far away from each other. Hence, you have no opportunity for physical intimacy and sex. Due to the lack of minimum physical intimacy, the chances of cheating increase from both ends. So, you have to make use of technologies again to have virtual sex.
Yeah, it’s again time to get indulged in those kinky teenage-type things. Talk dirty both in texts and in phone calls, make video calls, masturbate together. No matter whether you can have direct physical intimacy with your partner or not, this virtual intimacy can keep the spark alive between you two while being in a long-distance relationship.
Ask About The Needs
Remember, I initially said that people often can’t understand the needs of their partners while being in long-distance relationships. That’s why if you wanna avoid conflict over your partner’s misunderstanding of your needs, you must learn to accept the thing as it is and be vocal about your needs.
Understand that you two live far away from each other. From that distance, it’s too hard for him/her to understand all your needs. So, you should always tell him/her about your needs, like what you like, how you like, when you wanna meet him/her again, etc.
Meetups And Time-Spending Is Necessary
This is the most important thing if you wanna sustain your long-distance relationship. relationship. Make a proper schedule for meeting up with your partner and never miss following it.
Maybe, you can make it once in a couple of months, or maybe quarterly, but be completely present with your partner while meeting him/her. Don’t let your profession bother you even in those days. Spend quality time together. Walk together, travel together, go to movies, and most importantly, never forget to cuddle. Show that you care.
Maintain Proper Boundaries
In long-distance relationships, you have to maintain proper boundaries with your partner. Set proper boundaries between your personal, professional, and love life. Make a clear distinction between where your partner can comment and where can’t. Be vocal if needed, the same applies for you two.
So, after going through the entire blog, hopefully, you’ve been able to decide whether you would prefer a long-distance relationship or not. Whatever you decide, I would like to suggest you never compromise with your dignity, and never cross and let someone the boundaries you set. The rest depends on how you handle it. Happy dating.
Here are a few frequently asked questions below that I often face from my friends and colleagues regarding long-distance relationships.
Yeah, why not. It totally depends on the couples who’re dealing with the relationship. If they can make it work with enough effort and initiatives, it may have a bright future. Though according to a survey, around 37% of long-distance relationships get broken up within 3-4 months of their beginning. But the rest sustains for long.
No, it’s not. I never mentioned that it’s evident. I just said that it’s too hard to control the emotional needs and hormonal phenomena. If a person can be a diehard loyal partner, he/she won’t ever cheat. So, cheating is not at all evident. But yes, it’s very common in long-distance relationships.
There’s nothing such as a better relationship and a worse relationship. Relationships are how we make it and see it. So, it depends on individual perspectives. Just like I’m a regular relationship person, hence the regular one is better for me. But it can be the exact opposite for you.