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What To Do If My Boyfriend Still Loves His Ex But Loves Me Too?

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It is a beautiful feeling to be in a happy and stable relationship. He is loving, caring, supporting, and does all the fun things with you. However, something just feels off sometimes and you keep questioning the root factor of this. And finally, an open honest conversation revealed that your boyfriend still loves his ex but loves you too!

So, what you can do if you find that your boyfriend still loves your ex but loves you too. You can do a little to change all his feelings entirely in this regard. But be an understanding, accepting, and supportive partner to your boyfriend when he confesses that he still feels for his ex. Your approach may influence him to change his mind gradually. 

For most women, this will at once become a very sensitive space to be in, as they can not accept the truth about their boyfriend’s feelings. However, loving an ex does not always mean anything alerting. There are several layers to feelings and accepting the real situation only comes from engaging in a more genuine conversation with your person. I am sure you are in a similar phase in your relationship that brought you here on my page.

In this article, I will be speaking from my personal experiences and answer all the questions brimming in your mind about your boyfriend’s truth.

You Will Know If He Still Loves His Ex

Your boyfriend’s behavior and actions in this relationship with you will speak a lot about his inner reality. Your relationship may be all stable and blooming from the outside. However, when you get to start a new lifestyle with your beloved, you see it all.

His alertness when you are trying to engage in a difficult conversation, his reaction when you try to casually talk about his ex, or his in-general attitude of being mentally absent with you are some subtle signs that hint at his awareness or possible craving for his ex-partner.

He Is Mentally Absent In This Relationship

 He never fails to spend time with you, returns from work early, and goes out for all the fun and adventurous rides with you. Dates, movie, disco night, dinner, you name it and he is all set to walk in with you. But even after all this, your relationship feels empty and you feel unheard.

This is a very common signal when your man is mentally absent. If you know that he still feels and cares for his ex-girlfriend, chances are he is constantly in a mental rut trying to get over the past and trying to live it real with you.

His Reactions When He Hears ‘Her’ Name

 If you have not noticed it already, try mentioning his ex-partner’s name casually. His reactions will speak volumes about his inner reality. I have tried this myself and it reveals a lot. In some cases, I have also heard that men bring their ex-talk up often in general conversations (in front of their present partner). He will show these reactions as subtle signs that he still feels for his ex-girlfriend somewhere in his heart.

Social Media Engagement

Your man will always find a way or the other to have news or some sort of follow-up about his ex-partner. Social media is the modern-day engagement platform where he can very easily stalk his ex and keep those old photographs as a sign of memory. If you see your man constantly stalking their ex on Instagram and Facebook, maybe he’s trying to get an overall view of how his ex’s life is flowing! This is another common sign that reflects all the truth about his feelings. 

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He Is Always Alert And Aware Of You

Being conscious is one thing, but being alert is something different. If your boyfriend is constantly alert about his words, behavior, reactions, and every other detail around or associated with you, it may be due to his fear of getting something disclosed.

He is that Mr. Perfect who can not do anything wrong, can not speak anything upsetting, and is way too perfect than he should be. The reality of any relationship should be unfiltered and if your man is keeping it too formal, you have to delve deep a bit more into his honest feelings. 

He Has Closed Off His Heart

A man can be physically and mentally present with you, yet have all sorts of commitment phobia. He may like spending time, having fun, eating out, and doing adventurous things together, but he constantly avoids committing to you. This phobic behavior often sprouts from failed past relationships and constant mental rut about the ex-partner. He has closed off his heart from committing to any other woman and living in a constant mental dilemma.

Physical Level Interactions Only

 Another surefire sign that your boyfriend still loves his ex-partner is his limited intimate interactions with you. Women must understand that intimacy is not solely physical closeness with their boyfriend. Rather if he is only interacting with you at the physical level and not getting involved emotionally in deep conversations, chances are he is still emotionally stuck in his past romantic encounter with an ex. 

Ignorance Towards Problem-Solving

You are tired of explaining the way you feel about him or your insecurities, the good and bad feelings associated with him. You have simply tried your best in solving any problem in your relationship yet it feels like your words are falling on deaf ears. The ignorance towards solving any problem may come from him due to his subconscious attachment with his past relationship.

Changes You Must Bring Inside You

To deal with any hard situation, you must bring certain changes inside you. So if you have found your boyfriend still feeling for his ex despite loving you, you must review your further approaches towards him. Because if you just show your anger, become insensitive, start fighting over this issue, nothing’s gonna get resolved. Undoubtedly, it’s a pretty tough situation for you and you must confront yourself before you confront your boyfriend. 

Be Polite

Build up politeness as a unique quality of your character. To deal with such a situation where your boyfriend still feels for his ex despite loving you, you must learn not to be harsh with your approach. Whenever you talk to her, talk as politely as possible. Politeness is such a quality of human character that it has enormous potential to heal a person and strengthen the bond in relationships just through attitude.

Control Your Anger

This is one of the most basic qualities you must develop inside your character to deal with such a hard and complicated situation. I understand how much it’s difficult to control when you find your boyfriend feeling for his ex, but if you really value your relationship and want to save it, you must learn to control your anger. You may take the help of regular meditation, yoga in this regard. 

Ask Yourself How Much You Love Him

Before proceeding further or engaging in a conversation with your boyfriend, you must ask yourself how much you love him or how much this relationship means to you. If you get a proper answer to this question, deciding the next steps will be quite an easy job for you. Besides, it will also help you to limit your effort when you start setting priorities in your life. 

Be Prepared

If you finally got the answer to the question you asked yourself, it’s probably time to be prepared. It’s a long and hard journey ahead. During this journey, you’ll have to face hard situations, hard words from your loved one. Sometimes coming out of the relationship may even be required. So prepare yourself for everything, especially for the worse.

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Be Patient

As I mentioned earlier, it’s a long and hard journey ahead. It may take a long time and effort to get this issue resolved. But if you lose your patience in the midway, all your efforts are gonna go in vain. So learn to be as patient as possible. The same methods of controlling your anger can help you acquiring patience as well. 

These all are pretty positive changes you’re gonna bring in your life that’ll not only help you to find a solution for the issue you’re facing but also have enormous potential to transform your entire life. 

Understand And Accept His past

Witnessing your boyfriend feeling for his ex despite loving you is a stressful and complicated situation to be in. Mental stress, anger, frustration, and suffocation are real things in situations like this one. I will always suggest fellow women prioritize their mental health first, before making efforts to “fix him up”!

However, if you are conscious about your relationship and want to stay along and help your boyfriend, here are a few things you must understand.

  • Accept the fact that your boyfriend had a life before you came into it. He has his fair share of love and heartbreaks which made him the person that he is today. Besides the trauma left behind by a breakup can take more time to get healed completely. 
  • It’s not the person but the memories that your boyfriend is majorly missing if he is still engrossed in his thoughts about his ex. It is often the beautiful memories we make with some people that we hold on to. 
  • Fellow ladies, you must understand that Love is not a competition. You are perfect the way you are and not in any competition with your boyfriend’s ex. Coming from the same experience I know it’s stressful and highly difficult to accept that your boyfriend still feels for his ex. However, accept his phase as a time to strengthen your bonding with him and build a strong ground of friendship here.
  • Your boyfriend may have a past with an ex-partner. However, he is here with you now trying to move on from his past memories. I am sure many of my fellow female readers have been through a breakup too and know how traumatic it can be to grow out of love. If your man is putting genuine efforts to be with you in his current relationship, be patient and help him be present with you.
  • Many among us have some or other insecurities and some unhealthy patterns that we keep repeating as an act of our unconscious choices. Men may look strong and stout, but their emotional space needs much more time and care to trail out of any past love experience. His mental patterns may keep your man from fully being involved in this current blooming relationship with you.
  • Yes, he may be in love with you yet still feels for that one ex from his past. Besides, in this situation, he needs a friend to accept his truth with an open mind, rather than doing drama and giving him more stress. Ladies, it will be great if you can accept this situation as an opportunity to build a strong foundation of friendship and be a safe space to help him.
  • Patience and no judgment is the final point when you are trying to understand and accept your boyfriend’s true feelings. If you are sure about his intentions towards you and he is ready to work on this relationship as much as you, that by itself is reason enough to stay and allow him all possible support, time, and understanding to overcome this phase of the relationship.
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No one ever said relationships are going to be easy. Situations can indeed be difficult, messy, and stressful. The main trick here is to learn to accept, understand and support each other through these phases and build a soulful nurturing relationship. 

Hard Situations And How To Deal With It

Though you know all the confirming signs and signals that your boyfriend loves you and still has feelings for his ex, It can be stressful to accept the situation with ease for many of my sensitive readers. 

While dealing with such a situation, you may face some kinda emotional anxieties and complicated issues that are quite hard to deal with. Due to such complications, many people tend to give up on their relationship in the midway. Here I would like to mention some of those and suggest how to get rid of them.


Many women tend to blame themselves for this situation. They feel that their flaws are quite huge and because of that, their boyfriend doesn’t love them. However, that is never the truth. Moreover, self-blaming is taking you nowhere. Rather accept your boyfriend’s honesty and open yourself more and be a mature partner who hears him out. It won’t be easy at all, I know, but you must give it a try. 

Low Self-Esteem

Dear ladies, your low self-esteem will often reflect in your relationships whenever there will be a discussion about any other woman. You will start being more alert about your looks, clothes, and actions. 

Here, when we are talking about his ex, chances are this low esteem quality of yours will heighten! Start working on yourself, ask questions that why do you feel inferior or less compared to any other woman? What is it that is triggering your senses? Start accepting yourself more and watch the world around you reflect the same.

Projecting Stress, Anger, And Fight

You can only have problems, frustration, anger, and stress about your boyfriend’s genuine feelings if you are not sorted inside out. As I mentioned in the previous point that low-esteem makes you question your worth, it will further make you project anger and create more drama in your relationship.

More drama and fights are never the solution. Also, you can not force your man to stop having feelings for his ex straight away. Allow him time and accept his honesty and be a partner to embrace this relationship with the truth, friendship, and unfiltered understanding.

Lack Of Self-Love

Been there, done that! In my early twenties, I loved my boyfriend more than I loved myself. The problem is you can not pour love out of an empty cup.  We can only love our partners as much as we love ourselves. It’s thus not just an inspiring suggestion to love yourself.

I want my readers to love themselves unfiltered. Lack of self-love will keep manifesting itself as a reflection from the people around. However, if we start to accept all the flaws and beauty within ourselves, the world around us will indeed shift and half of the problems will wither away. 

You see now, how our subtle set of thoughts makes us believe that we are not worth true love, appreciation, friendships, and nurturing relationships all in all. Difficulties will always be a part of growing up in our lives. However, the choice of acting upon these situations lies with us.

Your boyfriend loves you. His actions will always back up his promises. Consider this as an opportunity to work on yourself and on this relationship and turn it into an ever-blooming one. And never forget to open your heart and love yourself a little more.


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