Do we all get to spend our happily-ever-after with one person? No, not at all times. Sometimes, you will be with two or three persons before actually getting that “Mr. Right” or “Ms.Right” for yourself.
A relationship needs communication, trust, efforts, commitment, respect, and many more. But one thing that is of utmost importance is honesty. You might ask me why? Well, honesty will build trust between a couple. Trust will lead to commitment and when you’re committed to the love of your life, you will put more effort to maintain a healthy and happy relationship.
Honesty also helps increase the comfort level between two people. When you start your romantic journey with a person, you wish to discover every little detail about the person- their favorite food, favorite color, what they like to watch, what’s on their bucket list, the most embarrassing story of their life. Basically anything and everything about their life. When the two of you start sharing all these stories with each other you get more comfortable. You can just be yourself with that person without any inhibition. And trust me, everyone craves a relationship like that where you two can be yourselves yet love each other the most.
But things sometimes get tricky when it comes to sharing about the past relationship or his/her ex. This is an integral part of anybody’s life especially when a person moves on to another relationship. Not everyone feels the need or finds it comfortable enough to talk about their ex. However, when you’re starting out a new relationship, it becomes your responsibility to let the other person about your past life, so that there is transparency between you two from the beginning. Oftentimes, these little things stem into a huge issue after a while which can even break the relationship.
So, what does it mean when a guy doesn’t want to talk about his ex? He is still not over her. He was deeply hurt by the breakup and does not want to bring back the bitter memories. He isn’t sure about his current relationship so doesn’t feel the need to share about his ex. It could also mean that he is hiding something serious about his past relationship.
As you can see, there may be various meanings when a guy doesn’t share about his ex. Are you in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t talk about his ex? Then, let’s explore why.
#1 Your Guy Isn’t Over His Ex Yet
It sounds harsh. But when you’re with a guy who does not like to talk about his ex, then it can be a clear sign he is not over her yet. It becomes more evident in a case of a recent breakup. It takes usually some time for a guy to completely get over that person and move on in life.
The guy goes into a relationship thinking to start a new chapter in his life. They are usually on dating apps or try to meet a new person through a common friend. However, they are not ready yet to share everything about their past.
As a girlfriend, it is quite natural for you to ask about his ex and in an ideal situation, he should answer you. If a guy is genuinely into you and wants to take this relationship a notch ahead, he will tell you. He might take a few days to open up to share a sensitive part of his life, but he will share because he values you and this relationship.
Initially, you can give him some space and not nudge him always. But even after constantly asking him or sharing your story with him, if he always neglects the topic, then you need to worry. You certainly don’t want to be in a relationship with a guy who is still unable to forget his ex.
Maybe this guy is in a relationship just to move on from past memories. He is not emotionally ready to invest in a person or in a relationship. You would find him not paying enough attention to you, he would avoid certain topics or places that have a special memory attached with his ex, he would avoid meeting you, he would prefer texting over video or voice calls, he would not disclose his relationship to his friends even after dating you for a while. All these are signs, that would clearly tell that he is not over his ex.
What Should Do You Do?
First of all, ask yourself do you want to be with a guy who is not in complete love with you? Would like to start and invest in a relationship that lacks honest communication?
If your answer is no, then I would suggest, there is no point in breaking your heart being with this guy. There will be a day when you won’t be able to handle this behavior of him and you’re the one who would be hurt.
However, if you feel that the guy was betrayed and is a bit shy talking about his past, you can give him some time. Talk to him as a friend. Don’t give him unnecessary pressure of a relationship. Once you start giving him space, he might open up and share his past experience.
#2 It Reminds Him Of Bitter Memories Of His Ex
Relationships sometimes can end on some really ugly notes. And the ending often does not leave the mind of the person. Especially, if your guy was a dumpee in his previous relationship.
His ex might have cheated on her, or she manipulated him, or she was a toxic person, or he was not compatible enough with her. There might be several reasons. And the situation gets worse when your guy was dumped by his ex. He certainly needs time to recover from that bitter past.
So when he finally gathers the courage to move on to a relationship, he just wants to forget everything about his ex and his past. Thinking or talking about them only triggers his memories which can ruin his mood completely. Hence he does not bring up that topic at all and even when you as a girlfriend is curious to know about his past, he would avoid the topic.
However, in scenarios like this, don’t misinterpret the guy as someone who is not interested in you. He is actually interested in you and that’s why he doesn’t want any bad memories to come into his way. Also, this time he is a little bit cautious. He does not want to get dumped once again and be heartbroken. So he is taking little steps before revealing everything to you.
What Should Be Your Reaction To This?
You need to be clear about what you want. If you want to give this guy an opportunity, then go ahead only if you feel he is into you.
How to know whether he is into you? Well, his efforts will show you his interest in you. If he calls you, makes date night plans with you, sends you a bouquet of flowers suddenly, notices the little habits yours, listens to your stories, he is eager to meet your friends, he posts your picture on his social media, he does not shy away from showing you to the world, then this guy is certainly into you.
It’s just that he does not want those extremely bitter memories to filter his thoughts by any means. You should give this guy a chance. See how he constantly puts forth his efforts. You also should stop focusing on only that issue and rather focus on the larger picture.
If you want to have a future with him, you must cooperate with him and try to understand his perspective as well. Eventually, when you two would have reached a pretty comfortable level with each other, he will tell you about his ex.
#3 He Is Casually Dating You
It’s hard to know what’s going on in a guy’s mind in the initial days of dating. Some guys are upfront about a casual relationship and some guys hide it and keep on with it.
When you’re with a guy who always shuts you up whenever you ask him about his ex, he is casually dating you. He is not completely invested in you. It’s just an infatuation for him where he likes to interact with a new girl, be on a few dates, have some fun memories and then call it off.
They never indulge in serious topics like discussing their past relationship, talking about their ex. Simply because they feel it’s a waste of time. He is not here to make a long-term relationship with you. So there’s no need to actually deep delve. It’s a matter of a few weeks or of a few months. He wants this time to be full of fun and he is taking all these in a completely light-hearted way.
So even if you ask him repeatedly or share everything about your past, he will not utter a word about his ex. For him, this relationship is a casual one. He will not invest his emotions or time into it.
How To Handle A Guy Like This?
Well, do really want to handle a guy like this? It can be a yes only when you too are not looking for something serious. You also want a casual, light relationship where you can go on a few fun dates, explore a little about each other, spend some time and that’s it. You don’t see yourself or rather don’t want to be with this guy forever either.
If that’s your situation then you can carry on with this relationship. You don’t even need to share every detail of your past life or current life with that person either. Also, it’s best to have an open discussion with the guy in the very beginning so that nobody is hurt at the end.
But what if, the case is the opposite. You’re interested but he is not. And he does not even communicate his feelings or his stand about this relationship clearly either. It won’t take much time for you to figure out whether this is just a casual fling for him or not.
You would soon notice that he misses your calls or texts, he makes plans with his friends but not with you, he only talks about movies, sports, etc and never talks about anything serious, he never mentions his family or friends in front of you, he doesn’t pay adequate attention to your needs or wants.
If your guy shows all these signs, then you have to understand that he is in a casual relationship with you and there’s no seriousness to it. It’s wise for you to put an end to that relationship immediately. The more you will spend time with the guy, the more you will be attached to him. And it would be difficult for you to control your emotions later.
So, before it’s too late, you take control and end it.
#4 He Is Hiding His Past
Guys would never share about their past relationship or their ex if they have done something wrong. When the guy dumps a girl, he usually never mentions that to his new girlfriend. Rather he puts the blame on his ex.
He will never reveal the true facts about his past relationship especially if he was in the wrong. He will be happy to know about your past. You may even find him too eager to know about your life. But when it comes to him. He won’t share a single thing.
These guys are usually hiding something serious. Suppose he cheated on his ex, he misbehaved with her, he lied to her, he insulted her, he always suspected her, he restricted her choice of clothes, movement, friends, he was over possessive. These are all signs of a toxic boyfriend. And it’s obvious that he won’t tell you his negative traits.
He will not only avoid talking about his ex in the early stage of the relationship, but he would also not talk about this even later.
My friend, Andrea was in a relationship with Neil. They started off quite well. Andrea is an extrovert so she likes to share everything about her life. So she told Neil about her ex. She even showed him his pictures. She did not want any kind of miscommunication later. And she also wanted to have transparency in their relationship.
Surprisingly, Neil never shared his past with her. It did not bother initially as she thought with the right time, he would open up. But after six months of their relationship, Andrea started noticing Neil’s strange behavior.
He would always fight with her regarding the tiniest things. He won’t let Andrea go out with her friends, he would verbally abuse her if she ever talked to a guy in her class. Andrea was having a hard time coping with all these. Incidentally, a friend from her language class told her about Neil’s ex-girlfriend.
Andrea took a bold yet wise step. She connected with that girl on Instagram and she was shocked to hear her side of the story. Neil behaved the same way with his ex as well. Eventually, Neil broke up and accused her while he was in the wrong the whole time.
Although Andrea was totally shattered to listen to this, she confronted Neil. However, Neil being a stubborn guy was not even ready to accept his fault. Finally, Andrea had to finish the relationship before things could go worse even more.
What Should Be Your Plan Of Action?
After reading the story of my friend, I’m sure you don’t want to be in a similar position like this. If you find anything suspicious with your guy, don’t get too serious with him in the beginning.
Take it slowly and casually. Also, don’t mention everything about your life. Observe how he behaves around you. Does he hide his phone? Does he get angry if you ask about his ex? His anger, frustration, various ways of deviating from the topic would indicate to you that “ there is something fishy”.
You must connect with his friends. Check all his social media platforms to find anything about his ex. You would find some information about him. And if he misbehaves with you or unnecessarily accuses you of anything, you should not take this relationship any further.
When a guy doesn’t want to talk about his ex, it can mean several things. But when you start observing these traits in them, you would be able to understand the true meaning behind their hiding. It would be easier for you to understand whether the guy is genuine or is just pretending to be “good” with you. Once you know their true intentions, you can make your own decision.
Always remember, you need to trust each other to build a strong relationship. And that trust would only come when both of you’re open and honest to each other. Couples have gone through many difficulties only because they were not open to each other.
Be yourself and let the other person know about the true you too. You will surely be able to find your “happily-ever-after”.