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What Does It Mean (& How To Respond) When A Girl Says She's Not Interested In A Relationship?

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Sometimes a girl just doesn't want to be in your life. This can be frustrating because you want to be with the one for who you truly love. It's hard to accept this breakup when it happens because your mind races with thoughts of how you could have done better. The truth is there are no perfect women. There are many roads to walk down before you find the one that fits you all the way. 

But, still, the question lingers, what does she mean when she said, “I am not interested in a relationship”?

It could be that she thinks you are more interested in finding a girlfriend than in making love to her. She can be looking for a long-term partner but claims to fear commitment. She has begun dating another man and you do not satisfy her enough. Maybe they're busy or working multiple jobs, or maybe they just haven't found the right man in you. She might not have you in her plans and she could just be playing a little too hard to get

You can always start fresh with new people or find an existing relationship that works for both of you. By accepting this breakup, you are permitting yourself to start fresh on another path without the fear of falling flat on your face.

Reasons Why She Said She's Not Interested In A Relationship

Sometimes a girl just doesn't want to be in your life. I know that these words must have hurt you or you wouldn't be here reading this. Here are some reasons a girl might say she's not interested in a relationship:

  • She's a free spirit who's wild and crazy

She doesn't want to be tied down by a man because she likes having fun. A free soul who doesn’t want a man to be her boss, but rather a partner in crime. She has many interests and wears her heart on her sleeve. 

She isn’t sure if you’re worth a relationship because she has met men like you before. She doesn’t want a man who will make her feel used, and wrong for enjoying herself.

  • She likes being free of the commitment

If a woman tells you she's not looking for a relationship, what she means is that she's not looking for a relationship with you.

There are many possible reasons a woman might say she is not interested in a relationship. Maybe she is still young and has little interest in committing to anyone. Perhaps she is looking for a more casual relationship with a man and feels that a romantic relationship with someone will be off-limits due to their boundaries.

Some girls are just looking for a good time and not much more. And if you're one of the few who she found to be cool and fun to hang with, you've got some good company. 

Does this mean she's not interested in a long-term relationship? When it comes to the short-term she's fine with it; there's a chance that a relationship may become more serious down the road, but until then, she doesn't want anything too distracting.

  • Not high but different standards

Eager, yet graceful. Cautiously assertive, yet confident. Understanding, yet persistent. These old-school qualities are the ones women want in a man. And you don't see these characteristics as often as you used to. So it may seem like women today are fickle and indecisive because they're just looking for certain things they can't quite put into words. And, sometimes, your approach is a little off too!

See Also:  How To Know If A Guy Still Likes You After You Rejected Him?

She simply doesn't feel any connection with you and doesn't see you as a potential partner worthy of her time or happiness. 

She knows exactly what she wants and doesn't want. If you don't meet her criteria she's not willing to waste time trying to impress you.

  • Once broken, it can never be fully mended

Some women have experienced so many heartbreaks that they are tired of putting too much effort into relationships. There's a saying that a woman's heart is like a broken mirror. Once broken, it can never be fully mended. They don't want to be hurt again, so they have chosen to stay single for the time being.

However, it's their life, so you can't force them to like you. Nor can you choose them for yourself. If you keep following her around and asking why she doesn't want a relationship every time she says no, then your actions will likely harm your self-esteem.

  • Wants you to be a substitute 

A woman might like you but she also has a boyfriend who she doesn't want to lose. She wants you to be her "best friend" when she's with her man. She wants you to be the guy she can use to escape her relationship and have fun whenever she misses her man.

She looks at you as her backup.

Be careful! Boys, you need to understand that she's not seriously interested in you, no matter how much she says she enjoys your company. She just wants you to be a safety net if things go off track with her boyfriend. You will be her companion, friend, and handkerchief.

Let's get one thing straight. Women do not want to have a relationship. There I said it! Now, this doesn't mean she's going to be unattainable forever but she is indicating that the bond between you both is undefined and that there is no commitment. In some cases, she may not want to have a relationship with anyone at that time. This doesn't mean that it will always be this way. It means that at this moment, she likes being single.

How To Respond In Nine-Easy-Ways When A Girl Says She's Not Interested In A Relationship?

To most men, rejection – especially the rejection of romantic feelings – is a deep personal insult. It strikes at our sense of masculinity and self-worth. This guide is about dealing with rejection. How to respond to such a rejection? In this short guide, I give you the Nine-Easy-Steps framework. I.e. how to get your nerve and find the courage.

  1. Do not take rejection personally

Men are usually uncomfortable when they get rejected. They tend to see it as a snub on their masculinity and self-worth, which makes them feel insulted and humiliated. As a general rule, it is advisable to try not to take rejection personally, especially from a potential partner. Accept that she has different preferences and tastes than you do. Also, consider the possibility that she may just not be into you.

Let's be clear that a rejection is not the end of the world. It's just a sign that this person may not like you back.

  1. Accept & let go

Accepting that the feelings are not mutual is one of the toughest things to do but it's the first. You need to do this before you can move on.

You need to know when to let it go. If you're clearly into her, but she's not into you - leave. You'll only be wasting your time if you don't.

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It's not your fault, she did that - and there's nothing you can do about it because she probably isn't going to change her mind about you even if you were to keep at it. 

That's when you need to say, 'OK, well, I guess we're just friends and I'm going to stop wasting my time.'

  1. Stop convincing her that you are worth a chance

People fall in love with people they're comfortable with. People don't tend to go out of their way to find the person who is going to keep them on their toes. You'll be more at risk of losing her if you try to convince her that you are worth a chance. Instead, focus on building a strong friendship with her.

In response to, “I’m not interested in a relationship you can say”, “I realize that you’re not interested in a relationship right now, but I knew it was important to tell you how I felt. You’re a great friend and I trust you won’t share our conversation with anyone else.”

  1. Don’t act desperate

A big mistake that many guys make is that they are too eager to convince a girl of their worthiness sooner than what the situation calls for. 

The fact is when a guy tries to convince a girl to like him, he's showing her that he's not confident with himself. Confident guys don't act desperate or needed to make others see their qualities. They just open up more to find out themselves if the other person has any interest.

This will show her that you're confident enough with yourself to not need to waste your time trying to convince someone that you're right for them.

  1. Remember, you are worthy

Many boys and men have a hard time when they experience rejection. They think they should have changed something about themselves to get the girl. They beat upon themselves for the crime of being imperfect, with the result that they feel deeply dissatisfied, and tend not to like themselves very much or build good self-esteem.

Accepting rejection without anger requires you not to personalize it. When a girl rejects your request for a date, she isn't rejecting you. She's simply giving you her answer. Your feelings of self-worth are not dependent upon what someone else does or doesn't do.

Your feelings are an important barometer of your mental state. They can help you adjust your efforts in the direction of what you value, and away from what doesn't work for you. It's important to feel full upon, and not hold back.

  1. Take a break from her 

When you decide you're not going to be friends with someone you're in love with, that doesn't necessarily mean you're never going to see that person again. Nor does it mean you'll never talk to them over the phone or that you're cut off from them permanently. What it does mean is that for a while, until your emotions are back to something approaching normal, you need to avoid unnecessary contact with this person.

 It may be hard in the beginning, but you should avoid her as much as possible even if she chooses to continue contact with you. If you stay in constant contact with her, you may find yourself growing closer to her again. 

If you start hanging out with her again or begin talking to her regularly, you will begin to re-live the pain of rejection. You will probably exaggerate the pain and suffer more than if you'd never tried contacting her at all.

  1. Move on (cliche yet important advice)
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Try to avoid thinking of the girl as "the enemy" or being too hard on yourself. If you go into her rejection trying to win her over, you will probably come off looking more desperate and clingy. Instead of trying to "win her over", treat it like a breakup and focus on how to move on. Don't think that you have to try to win her back, because if she says no, you shouldn't try!

When you're ready, start dating again. But don't rush it just because you've been dumped doesn't mean you need to jump back into the saddle immediately. 

Taking some time out can be a good thing. Taking a break to reassess your options and giving yourself time to heal can only help in the long run.

  1. Focus on improving yourself right now

Trust me on this one. A great relationship will only come from being the best you that you can be. That is more important than controlling who she loves. And maybe you will meet someone who is also focused on self-improvement, and that will blossom into a great relationship.

  1. Free yourself from your obsession, and focus on improving yourself.

Pull away and demonstrate some self-respect. Continue to be a gentleman, but make it clear you are not going to beg for her attention. I'm not suggesting that you ask her for a formal break-up, but rather to simply pull away from the relationship and focus on your own goals.

If she asks what's going on, tell her you're trying to improve yourself and express your wish that she succeed in finding someone truly deserving of her time. 😉

If you cannot respect yourself, it is unlikely that anyone else will. If you want to be loved, start by loving yourself.

Still, you are determined to get her, I have one last tip for you, don't give up

Many people also end up interested in someone they thought was the complete opposite of them. So, my advice to you is don't give up; good things come to those who wait and you may just be her next major thing!

When you love someone, you want them to be happy. But if they aren't interested in you, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. It’s a good thing. Loved ones need validation and appreciation. Showing that you care about them and their feelings helps them see that you do value them. It makes them feel good about themselves. 

In Summary

When my heart was badly bruised and I felt terrible, a friend of mine told me "time heals all wounds." My first thought was that was stupid. Moments later, I realized it was true. So today, you're going to do something nice for yourself. Go buy a small treat, or schedule a massage. Do something that makes you feel good, and remember that you deserve to feel this happy.

Of course, some days will be harder than others. Sometimes, you'll feel like you're not moving at all from where you started when this whole thing started. Those are the days that try men's souls. Those are the days when it helps to have a friend you can check in with. That's part of being a man: knowing who your friends are and being able to use them for support.


Start a conversation. post with kindness.

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