My Boyfriend Doesn't Console Me When I Cry, Sad Or Upset: Here's Why!

Your boyfriend doesn't console you when you are crying, sad or upset because he is not very good with words, and he is scared that he might not hurt you in the process. He loves you, and he gets too sad when he sees you in that miserable state.
Medha Sureka
a woman sitting beside a window and thinking why her boyfriend doesn't console her
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Your boyfriend is not very good when it comes to expressing emotions. He wants to comfort you, but he does not know the right way to do it. It also bothers him that what if, in the process of consoling you, you might misunderstand his gesture and displace your anger at him.

Worry not; we shall try to figure out why your boyfriend acts so aloof when you are in pain and how you can bring him into your zone to understand and support you better without leaving any room for misunderstanding.

Why Does Your Boyfriend Act Aloof When You Are Upset And Low?

When we are disheartened and sad, we expect our partner to not only share our sadness but to comfort her and put a smile on our face. At times like this, you either strengthen your bond or weaken it. In the case of your boyfriend, who always regards you as his sunshine, it is natural of you to want him to do something special or show some gesture that brings back the shine on your face.

However, let us not jump to conclusions. If your boyfriend is not behaving the way he is expected, he might have his good reasons. Let's figure out what is it that prevents him from emotionally participating with you and offering you that warm hug or the shoulder you so badly need.

#1 He Is Very Practical

He thinks that happiness and sadness are parts and parcels of life. He is a tough man with an iron heart who might love you but does not know how to console you. This could be due to a lot of factors. His upbringing, the kind of domestic scenario he has seen, or the kind of person he wants you to be.

#2 He Is Insensitive

He does not console you because he does not understand your problem or why you are upset. He has not tried putting himself in your shoes. He is not emphatic and does not understand the need to be one.

#3 He Is Not Into You

It is likely possible that till now, whatever he was doing for you was a mere facade, a mask to beguile you with his superficial charms, but now he is unable to keep up with his act, and you can finally see his true colors.

#4 He Doesn't Feel You

He is not a man with much of a feeling. He lacks the ability to feel your pain. Maybe life has been a bit too harsh with him. Perhaps he does not know how to acknowledge womanly sufferings. He is too manly to be nice.

#5 He Doesn't Care About Your Feeling

It can also be that he just doesn't care how you feel. He is with you for the sake of sex and not companionship. He is not willing to carry any emotional burden and wants to keep it limited till physical needs.

#6 He Only Knows How To Share Happiness

He is the kind of man who will celebrate with you but refuse to mourn along. It may be because he is very carefree by nature. His sole purpose is to seize the day and live life to its fullest. He refuses to be put down by any sorrow, be it yours or his or of anybody else.

#7 He Is Not A Gentleman

You have loved the wrong man. Your man is not meek enough. He lacks manners. He is not cultured enough to offer you his love through all the channels. He might be good in bed and might just be good at that.

#8 He Takes You To Be A Strong Woman

He is a pro-feminist and expects you to be the modern woman who only needs a man for sexual gratification and is very much capable of managing everything else all by herself.

#9 He Has Never Consoled Anyone Before

Nobody has ever consoled or loved him right away before. That makes him incapable to comfort you or support you in your times of need. He does not know how to bring justice to all the pains you are undergoing.

#10 He Is Not Romantic

Your guy is not romantic enough to fulfill or keep up with all the romantic notions one expects from a romantic hero. He has invested his whole and sole in places other than literature and music. He does not understand the magic of flowers, and music fails to soothe him.

#11 He Is Not Your Friend

He likes to be your romantic partner but does not want to be your friend. It may be because he has other friends or thinks you have many on your list. He is not ready to offer you the beauty of friendship just yet.

This may be because he has never seen you as a friend. He doesn't take you out with his friends, or he has never been out with your circle. He thinks that he is there to play a limited role in your life.

#12 He Is Not Into You

He may think he loves you, but he fails to connect with you on an emotional level simply because he does not love you. He has been lying to you and himself. Sometimes we fail to understand that we don't love a person. We keep following trends and stick to them because we are too scared to be left alone.

#13 He Doesn't Respect You

He doesn't treat you with proper respect and therefore fails to respect your feelings either. He is that person who would slam the door on your face or leave you crying on the floor. If such is the case, you should do whatever it takes to get yourself out of this toxic relationship.

#14 He Wants To Call It Off

If he is not participating with you on an emotional level, then he is with you forcefully. It may be because he is too scared to break up or because he gave you his word. He wants to call it off but lacks the courage to utter those words.

#15 He Doesn't Share His Problems And Doesn't Want You To Do It Either

He has never shared anything with you on an emotional level. He doesn't bother you with his problems and expects you to do the same. He wants to be in a relationship by maintaining a safe emotional distance.

#16 He Is Tired Of You

He likes to have you in his bed but does not appreciate the lifestyle or the way you deal with things. If you are too anxious or short temper, then he is not ready to put up with you any longer. He might have too much going on on his plate, and he does not want you to add to it.

#17 He Is Not A Good Listener

He is impatient and does not listen to you attentively while you are taking. It may be because he frequently gets out of the zone, or you are a chatterbox. He fails to console you because he fails to catch the actual problem.

#18 He Is Too Occupied With His Work And Problems

His life might not be just too happening, and he might be having a difficult time at home as well as at his workplace. He might not be sharing it with you because he is aware that you are lately feeling low yourself.

#20 He Takes You For Granted

He thinks that he owes you and can treat you the way he seems fit. He has stopped putting effort because he knows you are madly in love with him. You happen to be his everyday person, and hence he needs a reminder that you are not a commonplaced woman but the one who makes his life special.

#21 He Is Scared That He Might Hurt You More

He loves you so much that he is too scared of shaking you off of your troubles. He feels that you are a delicate flower who just needs some time before she can smile and be normal. He is ignorant of the fact that the flower needs some show of love, some nourishment as she is feeling weak.

#22 He Loves You But Takes You To Be A Drama Queen And Doesn't Want To Encourage You

Your boyfriend is not consoling you because he knows that once he brings you that level of comfort and puts you into a comfort zone, it will become your habit, and you will keep repeating it rather than learning to face the situation and get out of it yourself. 

He does not want to encourage you because he knows that it is not good to make complaints. He expects better from you, and this is how he plans to contribute to making you a more potent and independent person.

How To Cope-Up With Your Boyfriend's Indifference?

Continuing the pattern and keeping up with his tantrums or showing that his behavior does not hurt you. The first and foremost thing that you must do is break the pattern if you recognize one. Healing won't be far away.

  1. Tell him it hurts you

He is your boyfriend, and you are supposed to talk to him if his behavior hurts you. You can be direct with your demands and tell him that you have certain expectations from him, and it disappoints you a lot when he fails to keep up with those expectations.

  1. Tell him you want him to be emotional

Express to him your desire for some emotional connection. Tell him that you long for that affection from his side. 

  1. It is a muddle that you both must clean together with each other's help

Explain to him that happiness is what they have to create together from the sadness in which life puts either or both of you.

  1. If he is not a gentleman, you are with the wrong man

If your boyfriend does not know how to comfort you in your times of need, then he is not gentleman enough to have you. It's high time that you accept it and move on.

  1. Explain to him that you are a strong woman for the world and not the one you love

Tell him straight that even if you behave as a strong lady who is not afraid or cannot be put down easily in front of the world and outsiders, but in front of him, you like to be a fragile and tender woman who seeks comfort in the arms of her man.

  1. Give him an instance to illustrate how you stand by him and offer him your shoulder when he is having a hard time

Remind him how you were there when he needed you, and you offered him your shoulders to lean on, your arms to rest. You comforted him, you brought him his favorite dessert, and you cooked his favorite dish. Tell him that he could get you flowers or give you a little surprise or simply hug you to console you in the same way.

  1. Tell him that he can be pragmatic with the world and its affairs, but he has to learn to be tender with his sweetheart

Remind him that you do not belong to the outside world, and even if he keeps his practical attitude and is a man of reason, he should not reason with his love.

  1. If he doesn't care about your feelings and he confesses that out front, then it's time for you to step back

Rather than assuming things, make him confess it out to you. If he tells you that he does not care about your feelings, dump him for good without a second thought.

  1. Explain to him that problem sharing is a part of the relationship, and it only strengthens the bond in the long run

Give some examples of couples who came a long way by experiencing the highs and lows of their life together. Tell him that sharing the difficulties will give true meaning to their relationship.

  1. If he is tired of you, make him confess that and take a break

There is no point in being with a man If he's tired of you in general or cannot take your tantrums. You are better single and better off without him than being with him.

  1. Suggest him ways in which he can improve his listening skills

Help him out in figuring out how he can improve his listening skills. Meditation, reading books, and practicing to have more conversations could be some ways to do so.

  1. Tell him that you are his most significant work, and if he doesn't do it properly, he shall be in the gravest problem

Being busy is not the way out of the problem. You should be his priority as well as his responsibility. Remind him that and tell him that you expect better.

  1. Break free from the monotonous things that you do for him every day. Let him feel how it feels to be taken for granted

Stop putting in efforts for him to give him sweet gestures of love. If you do his course or wish him the first thing in the morning, stop it immediately. Let it come to him naturally how it feels if one is taken for granted. When it starts working, he will confront you then remind him about his behavior.

  1. Remind him about the beauty of his embrace

Tell him that he does not need to do anything else but just take you in his arms, and that would be enough. Sometimes we just need someone to be with us and listen to us. Their presence in our life is enough to keep us going and is highly appreciated.

  1. Explain to him that if he wants you to be his Queen, the Drama will come hand in hand

Tell him that you had not changed you like this before you got into a relationship with him, and you shall be this way, and if he is to be your King, he must put efforts for it completely.

To Sum It Up

If your boyfriend does not put up efforts to console you and does not comfort you when you are in pain or fails to smile on your face when you are sad, then perhaps he is not the right guy for you. It's time you do things for yourself, keep yourself as a priority first, and then think about others.


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