Not all relationships are meant to be forever. You do go through a lot of trial and error before you find the right partner for yourself and know that “This is the person I can spend the rest of my life with.”
While you will find a lot of happily-ever-after in movies, things are a bit different in real life.
While fights are an inevitable part of any relationship, and they can be pretty painful to bear with, the hardest part has to be a breakup.
So, when a couple can’t go through the ups and downs anymore in the relationship when no solution is left to carry on with that relationship, they decide to part their ways.
But even if the relationship is mutual, the two are bound to be sad.
After all, two people spent some beautiful time together, creating memories for themselves. Is it so easy to forget? Is it so easy to move on?
And from my personal experience and stories that I have heard from my friends, I can vouch that one partner is sadder than the other.
The aftereffect of a breakup will be different for everyone. But if you have been wronged, cheated, or dumped, or if you really loved your partner a lot and yet could not make the relationship work, you are certainly in a more difficult position.
You’re not only super hurt, but you are always thinking about your ex, thinking what went wrong, what could you do to make it better.
But when you know there is no way to go back to this relationship and things have ended for sure, your mind will be still be boggling with questions: “Does my ex have a better life?”.
What should I do when they have a better life than me?
Thoughts like this can make your moving on process all the more difficult. You will be stuck in one position, never being able to move on from the past will bring you no growth at all.
Before we jump on to the solutions you can follow for yourself, you need to ask yourself some very important questions when you know that your ex is having a better life than you.
Should I Move On Right After the Breakup?
It depends on you. Moving on is not an easy task. You need a lot of mental strength to go ahead with this process.
Even when you see that your ex has moved on quite immediately after the breakup, never let their decision affect you in any way.
It can be difficult for you if you have been in a long-term relationship with your ex.
You will need some extra healing time to go through this new transition phase of your life.
You can certainly move on even within a week of your breakup. But ask yourself whether you are doing it to take some revenge on your ex.
Is it just a rebound to satisfy your emotional needs? Are you doing it to show your friends that breakups don’t matter to you?
If your answer to the above questions is “YES”, you should not move on.
Go with the flow. After a point, when you will see that there is no chance to mend the relationship, you have no option but to forget the past and accept the new present.
However, if you have been in a toxic relationship, were unhappy with your partner, and the breakup was a respite for you from the tedious relationship, you move on.
It does not need to be immediately after the breakup. But if you mentally feel that you are ready, it’s completely your decision.
Just keep one thing in mind, we are emotional creatures, and often, we are led by our emotions than our rationale.
At the end of the day, I know we must hear what our hearts say, but sometimes our minds take us in the right direction. Never take an impulsive decision.
What Should I Do When My Ex Has A Better Life Than Me? 8 Step Solution
When things end on a bad note, we usually want the other person to suffer. And especially when it comes to your partner after a nasty breakup, we wish “He/she should now understand the pain of leaving me”.
But when it does not happen, when your ex leads a happy life while you are still in your misery, you will feel even more terrible.
Let’s look at how you can deal with a difficult situation while your ex is having a better life than you.
#1 Cut Off All Contacts
Many couples choose to stay friends after a breakup, and when you remain friends, you will see their life updates.
When you see how much your ex is enjoying without you, it will hurt you a lot.
So the best way to keep yourself away from the daily updates of your ex is to follow the no-contact rule.
Yes, you will see a huge difference when you cut off all kinds of communication with your ex. You won’t be bombarded with your ex’s life on social media.
Also, every time you wished your ex on their birthdays or received a birthday text from them, your pain just doubled, right?
So, cutting off all contact with your ex will never lead you to think that they are having a better life than you.
After a while, you will forget about your ex. Going into the no-contact zone may seem rude, but that’s the easiest option to do when your ex’s current life bothers you.
#2 Turn Off Social Media
A hard but very effective method is to turn off social media. When couples don’t block each other on social media after a breakup, you have the option to see what’s happening in your ex’s life.
If your ex is very active on social media, they will probably be uploading loads of stories and posts about their current partner, or if they moved to a big city or landed a very good job.
All these exciting thighs of your ex’s life can certainly annoy you, especially when you haven’t been able to make a lot of progress after the breakup.
So you can go for a social media detox that keeps you away from social media for 7 to 10 days.
You can also block your ex on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and that way; you will never have to see what they are up to in their life.
#3 Get Rid Of All Stuff
Sometimes when the person is not around, we hold on to the things, gifts that they gave.
Those work as a reminder to us of their presence. But this is not a good idea when the relationship ends.
When you’re unable to move on, and your ex’s life bothers you, you are always thinking how he is having a better life than you and you can’t, then keeping your ex’s stuff is the worst idea.
Even if it hurts you, you must get rid of all of them. You can collect all the gifts and dump them in your storeroom.
Or you can throw them away from your life. Also, if you two broke up mutually and still are in each other’s contacts, then you can talk to your ex and tell them that you want to send all the stuff back.
#4 Delete The Memories
Yes, this is not only deleting the person from your heart but physically doing it. Our phone contains all the chats, photos, and whatnot.
Surely when you see your ex having a better life than you, you feel hurt.
You once again go back to those all the chats to see how happy you two were, what your ex promised to you, and other romantic and emotional stuff.
The old stuff will trigger you, and you will be more miserable.
So, take a deep breath and delete all the photos, chats from your phone. It will help you wipe off all the bad memories from your head.
You won’t have any urge to read or see those stuff from the past at night.
#5 Ask For Closure
Relationships that end without any closure hurt the most. Already you are in pain, still unaware of what went so wrong that the two of you had to choose a separate path, and then you see that your ex has a pretty fun life without you. This is surely going to trouble you even more.
There is no shame in asking for closure. Often getting closure actually helps to move on after a breakup.
So contact your ex directly and ask for closure. You can do that via call.
However, a meet-up is more effective. If that is not an option, then have an honest conversation and have the final talk.
You will see you would feel much better. Even if it is difficult to accept the truth in the initial days, you will be able to overcome the aftereffect very soon.
#6 Go For A Change
This change is not just taking a vacation for a week to clear the clutter from your head. If you two work at the same office, seeing your ex with a new partner will hurt you even more.
So, you can consider changing your location or changing your job also for a better opportunity.
Also, at this time, if you get any offer to relocate or a promotion or an on-site project in a different city, you must grab that opportunity.
If you two have been studying in the same university, obviously change would not be possible. But you can change your friends’ circle.
You can stop going to places you two visited frequently or where you spot your ex. Try to avoid any direct point of communication with your partner.
#7 Focus On Your Growth
If you have been a victim of a toxic relationship, you would have faced criticism from your partner for every step you took.
This is a common trait of any toxic partner where they can’t stand their partner’s success. They will always try to create a problem in your career path, your choices.
They will always demotivate and discourage you, and you will never be able to exercise your own choices.
So, this is the time for you to bounce back. Take that ex’s current better life as a challenge to you and prove to yourself that you are capable of much more than this.
The biggest obstacle of your life is that your “EX” is no more. You can do whatever you want.
No one will pose a problem or impose their wishes upon you. So, make the most of it. Show your ex that you have a much better life than without them.
#8 Prioritize Yourself
We sometimes love our partners so much that we forget to care for ourselves. We become extremely dependent on our partners, as if our world revolves around them.
My friend Laura had a similar situation. She was in a relationship for more than five years, and her only world was her boyfriend.
However, the relationship reached a saturation point where Laura was taken for granted by Mike.
Finally, Laura found it hard to get back to a normal life when they broke up. She did not have any friends; she did not have any life of her own.
You would certainly not want to get stuck in a situation like this.
Start prioritizing yourself. Do not think about the person who caused you so much pain.
Take the leadership of your own life. Do things that you love. Pick up a hobby that you have wanted to do for a long.
Go for a solo trip. Meet with your friends. Spend time with your family. Get a pet for yourself.
Your life is much more than a breakup. So, love yourself.
Now that you know what you should do when you think your ex has a better life than you, you should also know what not to do.
What You Should Not Do When Your Ex Is Having A Better Life Than You
- Do not go public on social media. Just because you can’t handle your ex’s success does not mean that you would start badmouthing about them on social media.
That will only make you look shallow. So, refrain from doing so.
- Do not spread false rumours about your ex. We often tend to do the most unpleasant things in a fit of rage. And in this situation, when you are angry and upset, it’s easy for you to spread some false rumour about your ex and the breakup.
You can easily put them into a wring light. Never do so. The truth will eventually come out. So calm yourself down.
- Do not stalk your ex on social media. Stalking is extremely unhealthy and can seriously impact your mental health. So stop doing that if you are indulging yourself in this activity.
- Do not comment on their post or put up stories in reply to theirs on your Instagram. When you wnat to take revenge, you will upload stories about relationships, breakups, etc.
Don’t do that. It will show your ex that you are still stuck on them. Also, if you comment on their post in a sarcastic or insulting way, you should stop that too. Never pay attention to your ex’s life.
- Do not opt for a rebound. Rebound seems easy as you get a partner to share your thoughts and emotions. But when you do that to make your ex jealous, it’s not going to last.
Even you know you are not serious about this. So, never think that going for a rebound will help you move on. It can rather upset you even more.
- Do not hurt yourself. Keeping yourself locked, not eating, not meeting anyone is not good for your mental and physical health. You need to move on, and to hurt yourself will take you nowhere.
Rather than thinking, “How is he/she enjoying life without me”, think “ If my ex can, I can too”. Be your own cheerleader.
Let’s Wrap Up
Always treat breakups just as a part of yourself. Take your own time but be confident in yourself that you will recover from it.
After all, tomorrow is another day, and there is someone for everyone. You will find the right person for yourself at the right time.
So, right now, love yourself the most. And never let someone else’s life affect you.
