Why Does He Flirt with Me if He Has a Girlfriend?

Flirting is a very common human phenomenon. Almost all of us flirt in a way, sometimes even subconciously.

Experts have even said that casual flirting is healthy for our minds. It helps to relieve the excess stress and provides our mind with some fresh air.

By definition, flirting is a casual light-hearted thing. It starts maybe with eye contact and may end in dirty flattery talks, casual touches, etc. 

We all have enjoyed such light-hearted conversations, fluttery vibe, and love in the air thing at least once in our life. We all know how good flirting feels!

But when these vibes come from a guy who has a girlfriend, things turn out to be different!

This is because women often expect the guy who’s flirting with them to be single. In nature, women have a tendency to appreciate and expect loyalty.

Usually, they flirt very casually, but when a committed guy starts flirting things start getting serious. 

And if you’re now reading this blog, maybe some guy out there, who has already had a girlfriend flirt or has flirted with you.

Now you’re confused and questions like these have started revolving around your mind:

Is he a jerk? Does he like me? Does he wanna use me somehow?

And finally – Why does he flirt with me if he has a girlfriend?

Maybe he’s not happy in his present relationship, he may find you attractive enough to warm up his existing dating skillsets, or he’s just a fickle-minded person who is not even committed to his self-commitment. 

However, these statements may not resonate with all my readers as there can be various other reasons why a guy in a relationship is flirting with you. 

To understand the exact meaning you have to observe the guy’s behavior closely and then decide accordingly. 

Rest assured, here is a write-up that will help you understand this situation better and make way for your mind to reach a state of mental clarity. 

Why Does He Flirt with Me if He Has a Girlfriend?

A guy usually doesn’t need any reason to flirt with other woman – and as a man myself, I strongly stand by this statement.

Of course, a lot depends on the character of the person. Casual flirting is very common among extrovert men, less so among introverts.

Guys flirt for a variety of reasons. Their general tendency of flirting hardly depends on their relationship status. Men notice women, like them, try to flirt with them, and eventually forget.

But if a guy is flirting continuously with you and he knows you are aware that he already has a girlfriend, there is usually a reason for that.

There are only two main reasons he will flirt with you while having girlfriend: something isn’t right in his existing relationship or he is looking for a side fling.

Now, this was very generic of course and the devil’s in details, so please allow me to elaborate on these and break down to more detailed points.

Please don’t jump into conclusion too early – everyone’s situation is different and there might be something else that both you and me are not aware of.

For that reason, I suggest you to kindly evaluate your situation well after going through all the reasons listed below to reach a conclusion. 

1. He’s Unhappy in Current Relationship

A guy who has a girlfriend often flirt with other girls because he is simply unhappy in this current relationship.

As a relationship expert I can already tell you this accounts for 80% of situations.

Perhaps, he feels unfulfilled and his current relationship does not give him everything he wants out of it: starting with his current girlfriend: the way she is, her habits, her financial situation etc. ending on her environment, family, friends and so on.

Whatever the case is, a committed and serious guy flirts with another girl, an unhappy current relationship situation is the basic reason behind the same. 

I have seen the same in one of my friends. I don’t wanna take his name but as he was unhappy in his relationship, I decided to explore other girls with the tool of flirting.

No way this approach took him to something good. But eventually, his girlfriend broke up with him and left him alone.

Perhaps he is already, subconsciously, checking out from his current relationship and its only a matter of time he will leave his girlfriend.

2. He Finds You Attractive

Flirting is kind of a very light-hearted and easy-flowing vibe depending on the situation and place you are in.

He could be someone who is doing great in a committed relationship with his girlfriend. But, at the same time, he could find you too hot and attractive as well.

There is also a grass is greener on the other side syndrome attached to it.

He might love his current girlfriend but also finds you as a new, fresh and exciting option.

It might be that you are too hard to resist at least for a little healthy and easy flirting. This happens often to women who are sharing good friendly terms with this guy.

Sometimes his girlfriend will also not mind these chatty conversations between you two.

From the other hand, she might get jealous when he chat to you, and you might not always be aware of it. 

3. He Has Unstable Mindset or Low Self Esteem

Often I have seen men who are hell a lot unsure about what exactly they want in their partner or from a relationship.

They keep flirting and when they have a chance, they will jump to a new relationship , then breakup, yet, with each passing fling, they are never satisfied.

They develop an unstable mindset that slowly destroys the healthy relationships with other woman.

This instability often sprouts from some unattended childhood traumas within a person.

These unhealed patterns will cause men to keep flirting even when they are in a committed relationship with their girlfriends.

4. Fear Of Commitment With Any Partner

Some men have girlfriends but have a serious fear of commitment. Past history and bad experiences can develop serious trust and commitment issues.

Remember Chandler, he always used to panic about his commitment to his girlfriends and always ended breaking up.

Again, if a person is living in fear of commitment, they will develop habits and patterns like flirting even while in a committed relationship, giving you and other women mixed signals.

The guy is commitment-phobic and thus constantly needs other woman to flirt around to avoid any talk of commitment. 

5. He Wants To Hook Up With You

Understand that sometimes it’s hard to hear and accept certain things and situations. This flirting coming from a committed guy could be your “that” situation.

He is up here flirting with you just because he wants to hook up with you. Going to bed is the only intention, no matter who he is committed to.

Got a booty call? That’s pretty obvious. He simply wants some intimate time and bedroom stories. Likely, you are not the only person and perhaps is is even having multiple partners.

6. His Girlfriend Cheated On Him

A guy who is in a serious relationship can come flirting with you, as a revenge action.

Maybe his girlfriend cheated on him with someone else.

Now, he simply wants to pursue you and flirt to seek revenge by making his girlfriend jealous and considers his actions justified.

It’s all a mental battle and you are being included as a character to play their part on the stage. 

He Has a Girlfriend but Flirts with Me: Your Action Plan

If you see all or some of the above-mentioned signs coming from a guy who has a girlfriend, you need a solid action plan now.

Losing yourself to the flirtatious words of the desired guy might make you blind to see the truth. 

However, this situation is certainly sensitive and can lead you to further mess rather than engaging in a beautiful, blooming relationship.

Here is what you can do to clear the air and to avoid damaging his relationship with other woman.

Communicate Clearly

When a guy who has a girlfriend is flirting with you, either he is doing it casually and light-heartedly or he is trying to seek something out of it.

It is often easy to figure out what his honest intentions are. However, if you see that his flirting behavior continues and knows no boundary, it is time to confront him with clear communication. 

Seek a comfortable place to talk (let it be in a public place, yet where you can talk without interruption) and keep your question straight.

What does this flirting mean? Are you interested in me? OR Are you being casual and friendly, as I see you are in a committed relationship already? 

This simple and short questionnaire will help you gain clarity and reach a point of conclusion followed by mental peace.

Connect With His Girlfriend (If Needed)

If confronting this person has not helped you resolve the scenario, you may like to reach out to his girlfriend. It’s not necessary that your approach has to be complaining, aggressive, or angry.

You can simply pursue her with an honest and general question on how her relationship is with her man or if her relationship is failing.

Try to build a healthy connection of friendship with her if necessary. 

Relationships often fall apart due to miscommunication. Finding comfort in flirting with a third person will create unnecessary stress for you, this guy, and his girlfriend as well.

Let crystal clear communication come into the scene to resolve the situation at best.

Be Very Honest And Clear About YOUR Intentions

If this committed guy with a girlfriend comes to flirt with you, and you too wish to flirt back, make sure you are clear, vocal, and honest about your intentions.

If it’s casual and mutual flirting, it’s still important for you to keep in mind his truth (that he has a girlfriend) and not cross the boundaries.

Sometimes when we are flowing with the flirting game, we end up making mistakes( kissing or hooking up in some cases). 

However, if you too have a crush on him or developed feelings towards him, perhaps the best would be to distance yourself from him.

This will simply make him aware of not crossing any boundary that may make things worse for you. 

Build Healthy Boundaries

If this committed guy flirts with you and you are not much interested in him, let that be known too.

Rejections do not always have to be aggressive and dramatic. A simple “I am not interested!”, “I would like to be left alone.”, “I see you are with your girlfriend here.” or “ am not your type.” will work fine when you are trying to reject a flirting offer.

My readers need to learn how to respect the boundaries they have for themselves and not let anyone cross them, no matter the situation. 

Build healthy boundaries and be vocal about it loud and clear. 

In this way, you can simply eliminate any possible stress or unnecessary worries that could hit you. 

Speak Your Truth

Speaking your truth and being authentic is what all of us should be doing all the time, no matter what the situation is.

If a guy who is in a committed relationship with his girlfriend comes along to have an easy-breezy flirty conversation with you, you must speak your truth without any hesitation. 

You may not like the way he pursues you or you are simply not interested in his chatty conversations. 

Be gentle with your words if you want to avoid being too loud or being dramatic. But speaking your truth is the only way to avoid unnecessary stress and unwanted interactions in your life. 

Simply Ignore Him

If the guy already has a girlfriend yet is hitting on you, do you really think he will be a good boyfriend material? 

If he leave his girlfriend for you, how will you feel about it? Likely you will feel guilty and remorse will hit you at some point as well as many questions about your future together.

How can you be sure he won’t do the same to you in the future?

Not only pursuing easy fling could get you bad reputation, but it might bite you in the future.

For that reason, perhaps is better to distance yourself and simply ignore him. 

Know When To Let Go

Well, you did spend a great time, enjoyed the flirting and chatting with this committed guy.

It was all light-hearted and healthy. You both kept it simple and avoided getting too deep. Great job! But what next?

If both of you have decided to keep it in terms of a good friendship, I suggest to my readers to remember their boundaries and not let anyone cross them. 

If you find yourself being swept off your feet or this person trying to cross his committed limits, it’s time to let him go (only if you do not want this man to cheat on his girlfriend!).

So, if you have reached this point, congrats. You have gone through one of the most comprehensive sessions on this context that you have searched for.

Hopefully, now you understand the meaning of why the guy flirts or has flirted with you and you’ll be able to make your decision accordingly.

FAQs

In this part, I will try to answer some of the most commonly asked questions related to the primary context we’re discussing.