The Female Mind Control Handbook
What keeps a relationship strong? Is it just love? Honestly, no. It requires a whole lot of things like effort, time, and communication. But one thing that can surely make or break a relationship is honesty. When two partners are loyal to each other things, go really smoothly. But can too much honesty bring unwanted problems? Sometimes couples play it safe and tell each other only those things that will keep the relationship harmonious. However, is it right to do so?
A rock-solid relationship has the ability to bear the difficult truth. A couple who is committed to each other unconditionally need not even hide things from each other. They are so honest that they don't even make any stupid mistakes.
However, not every relationship is alike, and human beings will make mistakes. The mistakes you make in a relationship can lead to unexpected complications. And if it involves something like a drunk kiss, then you're in a deep mess.
Drunk kisses can break relationships. It feels right before reality hits you. You can try to justify yourselves in many ways, but a drunk kiss is still a kiss. Will kissing someone else destroy your current relationship?
Escaping drinking is not an option when you are with friends in a mood. It goes 1,2,3,4, and you lose count. Consciousness gets cloudy. A different version of you appears, and some fun happens. The next day when reality hits you hard, it gets troublesome.
We do many things in the heat of the moment. Sometimes it can be paper pressure too. Especially when we're drunk, we often tend to lose our sanity and make stupid mistakes. A drunk kiss is certainly a mistake. But you are in your control. Nobody but you can keep yourself under check even in a tempting situation.
So, when you finally commit this mistake, you start getting anxious thoughts- Will kissing someone else make me a cheater? Will my boyfriend accept it? Is it the start of trust issues, unreasonable arguments, sad social media posting?
We got it all answered. Jump in!
You must be cleared on your take first.
What Kind Of Kiss Was It?
Intentional: This happens when another person is your crush or someone you have feelings for. You desire him but keep it low in the corner of your heart. Now when you get a chance, you booze up and go on with the flow.
You are in a relationship and can't kiss someone while clearheaded. You need the courage to confess your affection, and liquor is just perfect for that. This kind of kiss involves your wish and can be considered cheating.
Unintentional: This happens when you take in too much liquor and no longer think straight. You start behaving differently. You are no longer aware of what's happening. Booze drove your brain, and you kissed the guy next to you.
It could be your friend, your boyfriend's companion, or any random guy. This kiss was unintentional. Kissing that guy wasn't your motive. The booze provoked your brain. NO, you are not a cheater.
Whether that drunk kiss was intentional or unintentional, you are in a relationship with someone, which messes up the situation. Your boyfriend has the right to know but at what cost? Should you tell your boyfriend, you kissed someone when drunk or not? It depends on many factors. Let's dive in.
Whether Should You Tell Him Or Not?
It is a never-ending dilemma but still can be tackled when seen through various aspects. It depends on your boyfriend's personality and what your situation is. Being honest is a good thing, but sharing everything with your partner can lead to stressful debates.
"Honesty Is The Best Policy," but what do you pay for the policy? Premium! Paying that premium makes you rich or go broke? Let's find out.
He Is Open-Minded
He is someone who doesn't judge you, lets you meet his friends, is not much of a nitpicker, has no objection when you hang out with your male friends, and understands you.
He is like your Chandler Bing. A caring boyfriend with best friend traits is cherry on top but is it appropriate to tell him, your drunk disaster?
- Yes, it is fine to tell him as he is open-minded. He might hesitate or take his time, but he will understand your situation and eventually let it go. Above all, it will not be awkward with him. So the signal is green here. Don't let your thoughts wander.
He Has Anger Issues
Boyfriends with anger issues are scary and intimidating. Someone with anger issues could make you feel pathetic, even if it wasn't your fault. They show their dominance with negative emotions and take everything as a matter of male ego.
This kind of boyfriend can make a huge fuss over small things. Should you tell him about that kiss?
- A strict NO, telling him means digging your own grave. You never know how he would react. He might never be the same after such a discussion. Don't mention anything about that kiss. Forget it. You don't want a single incident to ruin your relationship's future.
He Is Sensitive
If your boyfriend is a sensitive person, he overthinks scenarios and hurts himself, even if it is the smallest thing. Overthinking is within intoxication that kills slowly.
If this type is your guy, you should be careful around him. Will telling him sort everything out?
- Nope, it will only worsen your situation, and you are trying to solve things, not complicate them. He will get upset about it. He will not tell you but will think about it now and then. You might get over it, but he won't.
We would suggest keeping your secret locked up behind closed doors. You don't want to receive cold behavior from your boyfriend every now and then.
He Knows The Guy You Kissed
Okay, so this one is a delicate situation. The guy you kissed and your boyfriend could be friends, colleagues, cousins, or in the worst case, "drunk buddies."
Guys often have strong brotherhood and build up networks. You don't know what talks they share. You are not sure if that other guy keeps your little secret or not.
Here you are doomed from both directions. So now what? Should you tell him? Yay or nay?
- 100% Yay, telling him might create some arguments in your connection, but hey, at least he won't have to listen to it from another person.
You don't know how the other guy tells him, he could lie about it, and your boyfriend will trust him because obviously, you didn't tell him first, and now he is doubtful about you. So it's better to let him know before anyone else ignites the fire.
He Is Manipulative
Someone manipulative can trick you into anything he wants. He can play with every word you say and end it against you, which can leave you feeling like an emotional mess, and it was all your mistake just to turn all directions in his favor.
This kind of boyfriend is stubborn and hard to talk to. Will it be fine if you tell him?
- Never tell him about your random kiss. He can play victim to make you feel worse. He will bring every other mistake you made in the past and attack at once. Due to his need to be right, he will trick you and get the last word—no need to tell him anything. You don't want to be a part of unnecessary drama.
He Trusts You
Here comes the boyfriend that trusts you. In other words, he has high expectations from you. He is someone who believes in you. He often gives you the benefit of the doubt.
Wow, you are a lucky person. So is it worth testing your luck again?
- No, He is loving and trusting, so what's the problem? The answer is in the question itself. "He is trusting." Do you want to tell him about your sneaky secret? Let me ask again. Do you want to BREAK his trust? Is it worth it? Never! Trust is something that takes a lot of time to build. You don't want to break all that in one minute.
I understand it feels unfair because he trusts you, but it's better than crushing his expectations. Forget about it. Take a trip, read a book, cook some good, just clear that kiss from your brain.
Your Connection Is New And Fresh
You like each other. You got into a relationship. You guys are trying to get to know each other. It's new, it feels good. You have that fresh glow. Everything was good, and then boom! You got drunk and kissed someone else.
Your passion is new. You don't want to hide anything and build your connection on a lie. That's great, but will that help?
- No, it won't, it's cool that you want to be faithful and have an honest start, but it won't be good for the long run. We know that the "first impression is the last impression."
You are in the first stage of your connection. He is building your image in his heart and mind. If you tell him you kissed someone else, that image in his mind will change.
He will consider you an honest person and someone who can be slippery behind his back. He will become doubtful when you go out for a drink, and this will ignite insecurity. It's better to bury that booze kiss and shut the case.
You Have Feelings For The Guy You Kissed
Heart wants what it wants. If you have feelings for the guy you kissed, it creates a love triangle. It's okay. Sometimes we are confused about what we feel is right or wrong. There is no such thing as right and wrong when you are that drunk, but it has its consequences, especially if you are in a relationship with a different person.
Should you tell your boyfriend, you kissed someone else when drunk?
- Yes and No. If you have feelings for another guy, not your boyfriend, why are you even in a relationship? You should tell your boyfriend honestly but first, ask that other guy if he is into you or not.
You don't want to break from both sides but if you love both and are confused about your feelings, then clear yourself first. Keep it a secret until you get a clear direction and don't tell anyone about it. People get confused all the time. It's no big deal.
You Feel Guilty
Guilt and regret are emotions that we can't escape. This situation is about your peace of mind and your truth. When guilt catches your mind, it creates several other negative emotions that wander your mind, again and again, creating a loop you find hard to escape.
The first thing to do here is calm down, don't beat yourself. No one is perfect. Making mistakes means growing up, not giving up. Take a deep breath, now should you tell him?
- Yes, you should because if you won't, the guilt will eat you up slowly. For your sanity, you have to tell him. He might act and stuff, but that's something that comes after. You are your first priority. Your peace comes above all.
Now when it's clear whether you should tell him or not, you know when you must tie your tongue but if you decide to speak. How will you handle him? We got the exact recipe to clear that heavy air. Let's check out.
Step By Step Guide On How To Tell Him
- Check his mood: What does the vibe say? Is he excited? Don't tell him it will ruin his happy day. Is he sad or annoyed? Be quiet. Don't make the situation worse. So when?
Check when he is calm and collected. Neither too high nor too low. He is quiet and gives you a mature person vibe. This is your green signal.
- Find your moment: Talk to him when he is not busy with work or watching his favorite show. Make his special meal or buy something for him.
- Start a light conversation: Ask about his day and then tell him you love him but have something important to discuss. Ask him politely to understand what you are going to say.
- Elaborate: Now tell him what happened. Give every detail you remember.
- Be direct and honest: Don't sugarcoat. Do not stammer or change topics. It will make him doubtful of your story. Be straightforward.
- Show your guilt: Show him your remorse. Accept and take responsibility for your part and say sorry.
- Swear you won't repeat: Promise him and yourself that you won't let this happen again.
- Let him take his time: You can control your action but not his reaction. Give him space and time if he wants. Wait until he is ready to talk.
Will Speaking Your Truth Ruin Your Connection?
It will depend on the kind of relationship you have with your boyfriend. If he is a mature person who understands your perspective and you too are genuinely sorry for your mistake, then your relationship will just be fine. It will not ruin your connection.
Yes, things between you two can be a bit stressful for a while. You might not be in the happy-cuddly phase of your relationship, but time will heal it. After some months, it will become a topic of laughter, not cheating.
If you decide to tell him that you kissed someone while drunk, then do it ASAP, or else you will drown in confusion, feeling like a cheater every day, which will affect your mental and physical health. Think about yourself. In the end, who will be with you? Your boyfriend? No, It's YOU!
If you aim to shush your mouth about this, then try to ease up your mind with a healthy way out and leave this tiny secret buried under 6 feet. Think about what you love to do? Or what you used to do? Everyone has a different escape route. What's yours? Music, dance, cooking, art, gossip, games, or moves. It can be anything. Take a break, do your thing and come back when you are yourself again.
*Note: Special thanks to Saisha for her contribution; Saisha is a contributing writer of Relationship Sort-Out. This article is reviewed and edited by our very own Ahiri C.