At times, understanding the opposite sex can be pretty tricky. Men do things that women just don’t get, and women do stuff that goes over men’s heads. Oh, we’ve all been in those confusing situations! And judging by the fact that you have landed on this post, you seem to be in one right now.
No matter what the reasons are behind it, this act of grabbing bum often left women confused, annoyed, or maybe turned on, obviously in specific cases. It depends on the person who’s touching the bum and the situation when touching.
Is this guy a friend? Is he a friend’s friend? Is he someone you just met while partying in the club? Or is he someone special? Maybe he is interested in you. Maybe he has feelings for you, and you know about it. The friendship/bond you both share can also say a lot about what he really wants.
In this blog, I will resolve all your confusion regarding guys’ habit of grabbing women’s bums. Not only will I discuss the meaning of this act, but I will also help you decide the post-incidental reaction, and in the end, you’re going to learn how to set clear boundaries to avoid such incidents further.
Possible Reasons Why a Guy may Grab Your Bum While Hugging (& What it May Mean?)
Will a guy interested in you grab your bum to let you know about his feelings subtly? Can it be that he’s just trying to see how far you would let him go? Or is it that he’s just grabbing bums out of habit and doesn’t really mean anything?
As I have already mentioned, the meaning of grabbing your bum solely lies with the reasons. And the reasons depend on the situation and your relation with that person. So, let’s initially focus on the possible reasons why a guy may grab your bum while hugging you.
He’s Testing Your Limits
If a guy likes to play around, he may want to test your boundaries to see how far he can go with you. Grabbing your bum, pulling you close by your waist, constantly touching you, ‘unintentionally’ caressing your breasts. If you do not react, he may take that as a sign of you being okay with his actions and hence, continue them.
Here, I want to warn you that soon those little silly activities of the guy may get transformed into a serious one if you do not respond with proper objection.
He’s Being Flirtatious
Maybe he is a flirtatious person and likes to tease in general. If you met him in a club or at a friend’s party, he could just be that sort of a guy! Many guys like to casually flirt around without any such reason, intention, or particular interest in the girl. There’s a specific way to deal with this situation. You’re going to know about them in due course of the blog.
He’s Romantically Interested in You
You have known this guy for some time. You usually meet him when your large friend group decides to meet and catch up with everyone. He seems interested in you and always tries to strike up a conversation. He’s a good person, and you like talking to him as well. The other day, as you gave him a ‘goodbye’ hug before leaving, he grabbed your bum.
Maybe he is interested in you. Maybe he likes you but is not sure if he should express his feelings for you just yet. Perhaps he is trying to see if you would react negatively if he touches you, which to him may mean that you aren’t interested in him.
If you have always felt that he acts differently around you or if he has ever expressed his interest in you, this action may be his way of subtly letting you know his mind.
He’s Sexually Interested in You
It can be that he is sexually interested in you. Nothing romantic, none of that lovey-dovey stuff. He likes you physically and would love to take things further if you agree.
If he keeps cracking sexual jokes in front of you or touches you in ways in which a friend wouldn’t, or if he has asked for sexual favors and laughed it off seeing you flustered, this could be the case. He may have grabbed your bum while hugging because he couldn’t control himself or to see if you are comfortable enough with him now.
It’s Just an Unconscious Habit
For many people, certain things just become habits, and they aren’t really conscious about it when they repeat those actions/behaviors. The guy may have a habit of grabbing bums while hugging and just did the same with you as he would do with any of his other friends.
If you have noticed him doing that with almost everyone, it may just be an unconscious habit and may not mean anything.
What Can You Do About It?
The initial impression that the act of bum-grabbing left in women’s minds is surprise and confusion. After going through such an incident, women often tend to get confused about their subsequent reactions. Out of this confusion, they react wrongly.
I know the situation you faced was quite awkward or maybe surprising. But at this point, first, you need to keep calm, evaluate your feelings, and react accordingly. Always remember, your reaction should depend on the feeling you had after the guy grabbed your bum.
So, ask yourself. Did you like it? Did you feel uncomfortable? Are you still confused about his actions and intentions? What can you do about it?
If You Want To Know His Intention
Maybe you just don’t understand why he did that. Does he really like you, or is he just playing around? If it is bothering you and you want to know what he really wants, talk to him. If you have his contact, maybe drop him a text.
If you both are used to calling each other up, call him and ask him about it. Or if he is someone you have only met through mutual friends, raise the question the next time you see him.
Talk to him about it. Ask him why he did that. And accordingly, make your stance clear. If you like it, give him a hint. If you are uncomfortable, let him know your boundaries.
If You Are Enjoying It
Maybe you enjoyed it. You liked it and wouldn’t mind if the guy continues doing it. In that case, there is nothing to worry about! You may choose to give him a hint that you are into it. You may even choose to tease him in return.
But you’ve decided to go with this flow; I must tell you to learn to take responsibility for your decision.
If You Are Interested In Him As Well
You know he is interested in you. He likes you. You can see it in his eyes and in the way his demeanor changes when you are around. Maybe he hasn’t yet expressed his feelings for you or asked you out. And perhaps he was trying to see if you are into him by grabbing your bum.
If you are interested in him as well and would be happy to take things forward, let him know! Show him that you are into it. Maybe tease him a bit! Who knows, all that he is waiting for could just be a positive sign from you to ask you out finally!
Or maybe he is sexually interested in you, and you feel the same way for him. His actions show his passion for you, and if you participate in it and allow him to continue, maybe he will take things further very soon!
If You are Uncomfortable with it
You are not at all into it. You don’t like the guy touching you, or at least touching you in that way. It makes you uncomfortable. If that is the case, let him know you are uncomfortable with it.
Maybe you are worried because your other friends seem okay with such actions, and you wonder if they would be annoyed with you. Whatever is the case, remember, you need to respect your feelings, and you have every right not to be okay with it!
If talking to him and addressing it directly feels awkward, let your body language make it clear to him that you would be happier if he keeps his hands off of you. Maybe you can bring it up casually in a conversation, saying you don’t really feel comfortable being touched. And if he still doesn’t get it, just go ahead and let him know you don’t like it, and it would be nice if he doesn’t grab you again.
If You Just Want Him to STOP
If you absolutely hate it and just want him to stop, talk to him directly about it without beating around the bush. Let him know that you are uncomfortable and do not want him to do that again or to touch you in any way. Please do not feel ashamed to talk about it; stand your ground and set clear boundaries.
If He Doesn’t Stop Even After Your ‘NO’
You have already told him about it. You have made your stance clear. You do not like it and want him to stop. But he just doesn’t seem to care! He laughs it off and gets touchy anyway! If that is the case here, you need to talk to him and let him know that you are serious.
Warn him about it. Let him know you are not joking and would choose not to contact him if he continues with such acts. It should be made very clear that you have boundaries, and he is not allowed to cross them.
A ‘NO’ Is A ‘NO’ – The Need For Boundaries
Often friendships and relationships turn sour because people fail to recognize the importance of setting clear boundaries and respecting them. Be it a family relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship, or romantic relationship; everyone needs their personal space and choices to be respected.
You may be someone who doesn’t drink or smoke, but when you are with a group of friends who do, they may end up taunting you and pushing you to do it. People do give in to peer pressure and do things they don’t like because they don’t want to be judged and ridiculed. But in the end, it leaves them feeling angry, disappointed, and resentful.
Even if two people share a beautiful, loving bond without boundaries, things can quickly go downhill. Having boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t love or trust the other person enough; it means you respect yourself. You may like something that your friend doesn’t.
When you ask them if they are interested, they reply with a ‘NO,’ it is for you not to take it personally but instead understand and respect their choice. The same goes for them when you are not interested in something they may be inviting you to.
Do not shy away from letting people know you love and respect yourself enough to have boundaries. It isn’t something to get awkward about. Stand in your power and make it clear to all that you won’t allow people to push your limits.
Friends who truly care for you would stay with you and respect you irrespective of it all. And those who act hurt and try to make you feel guilty are the ones who get benefitted from pushing your boundaries. It would help if you didn’t care about them leaving you anyway.
How To Set Clear Boundaries?
Many people struggle with setting clear boundaries, and it’s okay if you are one of them. We often grow up in families where there’s no concept of personal space or boundaries. So, we grow up not knowing how to respect ourselves and how not to allow others to keep pushing us in the name of love or friendship.
So, what are the things that we can do to change it? How can we set healthy boundaries for ourselves without feeling guilty? Let’s look at some things that we can do.
- Respect yourself. That is the most important thing. We need to love and respect ourselves first. Only then would we take a stand for ourselves and learn to say ‘no’ without feeling bad.
- Don’t stay silent when you are being pushed or disrespected. If you are being compelled to do something that you don’t like or that goes against your values and morals, speak up. Let them know you do not want to do it and be clear about it.
- You do not need to share everything with your friends. Some people force their friends to share everything that is going on in their lives with them. If you have a friend like that who always wants to know every single thing about you in the name of friendship, know that if you do not wish to share, you have every right not to share, and they can’t push you. Do what feels comfortable to you.
- Walking away. Some people take us for granted. They do not respect our time, emotions, or efforts and just keep us in their lives for their gain. If you have such friends who drain you, disrespect you, and would guilt-trip into doing, as they say, choose to respect yourself and walk away. It is absolutely alright to do so.
- Boundaries. Not letting someone touch you if you’re not comfortable with it is respecting your boundary. Taking time off to rest instead of going to a party you don’t want to go to is respecting your boundary. Standing your ground instead of giving in to peer pressure is respecting your boundary because you know what’s right for you.
I hope this blog provided you with the answers you were looking for. If a guy grabs your bum while hugging you, it may indicate his interest in you. He could be playing around and trying to know how far you would let him go. Or maybe he likes you and wants to hint at it subtly; if you are interested in him and are enjoying his actions/attention, great! If, however, it makes you uncomfortable and you do not want him to repeat it, talk to him about it, let him know that you are not into it and that he should stop.
