You just met her sometime back, and you both instantly clicked. Or maybe you have known each other for a long time and are friends. She seems really excited to hang out with you, and you want to spend time with her as well. But there is a problem… She has a boyfriend!
We all love to hang out with our friends and colleagues. But when a girl whom we’re going to hang out with has a boyfriend, We start hesitating. We start questioning the girl’s character or maybe intention. ‘What does she want?’ ‘Isn’t she happy with her boyfriend?’ ‘Am I gonna have some chance to get closer to her?’ Or perhaps, ‘Is it right for you to hang out with a girl who has a boyfriend?’ Or ‘is it going to cause trouble for the both of us?’
Look, it depends on your intention behind wanting to hang out with her. If you both are good friends and just want to meet and spend time with each other casually, then there should be no problem at all! Committed people are not (and should not be) barred from being friends with the opposite gender.
If, however, you have anything less innocent in mind, the answer gets complex. Do you have a crush on her? Is she aware of it? Does she have a crush on you as well? Is it a hookup that is on your mind? Or is it just the fear of being misunderstood by her boyfriend?
I understand all your concerns. In this post, I’m going to resolve all your confusion revolving around your mind regarding hanging out with a girl who has a boyfriend. Here basically, I’m going to follow a thorough scientific process through which you’ll be able to take your decision yourself according to the situation you’re dealing with.
Why Do You Want To Hang Out With Her?
You’re confused about hanging out with a girl having a boyfriend. But have you ever thought about why you’re so confused? Do you believe that the girl won’t have any personal life as she has a boyfriend? Or do you doubt your own intention?
According to a study published by an international psychology journal, most men end up doubting their own intention before hanging out with a girl who has a boyfriend. That doubt eventually becomes the primary factor behind the confusion.
If you also doubt your own intention, or if you aren’t getting why you’re confused, start questioning yourself. Why do you want to hang out with her? Try finding your reason from the following points.
You Would Like To Be Friends With Her
You found her really interesting. She’s crazy about soccer, and you would love to watch matches with her. Maybe she shares your interest in astronomy, and you haven’t quite met a person so knowledgeable in that field. Or perhaps she plays instruments that you are interested in and would like to practice with her.
You think that she is amazing and having a friend like her would be cool! Making new friends isn’t a crime at all. And most importantly, you shouldn’t be bothered about a person’s relationship status before beginning a new friendship.
You Both Are Good Friends
You have been friends with her for quite some time. You both have similar interests and can talk over those topics for hours. You both enjoy each other’s company and want to hang out together. Maybe you both used to hang out together in the past as well, but her having a boyfriend now is making you awkward. Or perhaps this will be your first time spending time with her in person, and you are worried if it is the right thing to do.
You Have A Crush On Her
Alright! So, you have a crush on her. You love the way she talks; your heart flutters when she laughs. You know that she is in a relationship, and you are not trying to change that. You just want to spend time with her because you like the person she is.
Does she know about your crush? Maybe she does and is okay with it. She values you as a friend, and that’s all that matters. Or perhaps she doesn’t know about it, and you just want to keep that to yourself. Irrespective of that, she is a good friend or acquaintance, and you would like to hang out with her.
You Want To Woo Her
Yes, she has a boyfriend. But you think you can love her more and treat her better. You want to hang out with her, get her to know you better, take her out on dates and woo her. You want her as your girl, and you can’t stop thinking about it.
Maybe, you see this hang-out as a potential chance to impress her. To bring her a bit closer to you, pulling from her current boyfriend. Perhaps you want to woo her a little bit to take a chance to make her yours.
You Want To Hookup With Her
You saw her the other day, and your jaws dropped. She was looking drop-dead gorgeous in her black dress. You haven’t been able to get her out of your mind. You want to hang out with her and see if you can take things further. It’s your lust for her speaking. A hookup is all that’s on your mind.
Should You Hang Out With Her?
Now, when is it okay to hang out with a girl who has a boyfriend, and when is it not? How to make the right decision? Let’s look at some situations/circumstances when it is absolutely okay for you to hang out with her, and alternatively when you should reconsider or just stop.
It Is Absolutely okay!
She is already a good friend, or maybe you want to initiate/strengthen your friendship with her. Like I already mentioned, being in a relationship does not mean someone can not have friends or make new friends!
If she is an old friend and you want to hang out with her, go watch a game or concert together, or maybe just meet for brunch and catch up with each other – it is absolutely okay to do so! Even if she’s someone new, perhaps you got acquainted with her not so long ago, but she’s interesting, and you would love to hang out with her, go for it!
Perhaps you have a crush on her, and that’s what’s making you awkward! It is okay if you do not want to woo her and just want to be good friends with her. Especially if she knows about your feelings and is okay with your honest friendship, there’s nothing for you to worry about!
Maybe…
But what if you do want to woo her? Maybe you are trying to be sneaky to get her interested in you and finally get her to be your girl. Or perhaps you want to hook up with her. Is it okay to hang out with her with such intentions?
If you have already decided to go forward with it and are not in a mood to reconsider, all I can say is be cautious not to create trouble for her. But if you are still thinking about it, reconsider.
If she is really in love with her boyfriend and is in a happy relationship, pursuing her will only hurt you and might even create issues in her relationship. If she doesn’t know about your intentions and you hang out with her, trying to woo her in the guise of a friend, she may feel betrayed when the truth comes out.
If you think she is not happy with her boyfriend and you would keep her more content or that she wouldn’t mind a hookup, you may approach her but know that she may not be interested in it. And even if she is, you will have to be responsible for your actions and their consequences (e.g., her boyfriend gets mad at both of you!)
Don’t!
If you know she isn’t going to be interested in anything except just platonic friendship, and all that you really want from her is romance or physical favors, there’s no point hanging out with her and wasting both of your time. Maybe you have already expressed your desires, and she doesn’t seem comfortable with you anymore. It is better not to hang out with her in such scenarios and create more issues.
Things To Keep In Mind If You Want To Hang Out With A Girl Who Has A Boyfriend
You have finally concluded that it’s okay to hang out with her, and you are going to meet her soon. That’s great! Here are a few things to keep in mind when you hang out with a girl who has a boyfriend.
Be Respectful
No matter whether the girl you’re hanging out with has a boyfriend or not, you should always treat her with respect. Objectifying women or faking yourself as a friend just to satisfy your lust is purely a moral crime. It doesn’t only ruin the bonding when the truth comes out but also corrupts your character eventually.
Learn to treat women with decency and respect. If you notice that she doesn’t seem comfortable with your jokes or with specific topics, it’s best to change the course of the discussion and respect her boundaries.
Know Your Limits
As a friend, there are certain things you can do and certain things you can’t. Those things may vary from person to person, but say, if she isn’t comfortable with you touching her or hugging her, it’s okay, and you shouldn’t be further pushing her for that. If she doesn’t like you digging too deep into her relationship or other personal affairs, kindly refrain from doing so.
You Have To Be Responsible For Your Actions
Suppose you did indeed ask her out or expressed your desire to hook up with her. Irrespective of whether she denied your advances or agreed, you have to be responsible for whatever happens next. Be it her feeling betrayed as a friend, or her boyfriend getting mad, or any other resulting consequences.
Friendships And Relationships
You do not have anything other than platonic friendship on your mind. But you are still in a dilemma, thinking about whether it is right to hang out with a girl who has a boyfriend? Is it wrong for her to meet another guy? Yadda yadda yadda.
Well, in that case, my dear friend, let’s talk a bit about healthy friendships and relationships.
A good friendship is one where there’s love and care, understanding, trust, respect for the other person and their personal space, clear communication, and the desire to understand and resolve issues. A healthy relationship is based on a similar foundation, with the addition of romantic love and intimacy.
Jealousy, obsession, and control issues are not healthy for any relationship. They arise because of a person’s own insecurities. A partner should respect the other partner’s personal space and not cage them or emotionally blackmail them into cutting everyone else out from their life in the name of love.
It is normal and healthy for people to be close to their friends and make friends with new people (irrespective of gender) even when they are in a relationship. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t in love or aren’t loyal to their partners. It means they are in a healthy and loving relationship where their partner isn’t jealous or insecure about cheating just because they are close to other people.
So, it’s okay to hang out with friends who are in relationships.
What Should You Do If Her Boyfriend Gets Mad?
Suppose you hung out with her earlier and had a great time together. She is truly unique, and you are glad to have a friend like her. But suddenly, she rings you up to tell you that her boyfriend is creating a ruckus about it. Or maybe he actually comes to interrupt you both as you are catching up with her. Oh, what a mess! What should you do in such a situation?
Speak Your Truth
Being honest and speaking your truth is always the best thing to do! Sit him down, explain to him that the both of you are just casual friends, and there’s nothing for him to be getting upset about. If you have done nothing wrong, if you have no sneaky intentions, there’s nothing to worry about!
Stand With The Girl
If you see that her boyfriend is not at all listening to her, being unreasonable and toxic, yelling at her, and abusing her in some way or form (verbally, emotionally, gaslighting her, or even hurting her physically), take a stand. Stand with the girl and let the boyfriend know he cannot do so. But despite standing with the girl, don’t leave your truth. Don’t ever use this as your chance to impress the girl or bring her closer.
Support Her & Help Her Speak Up
If you see the girl cannot speak up for herself, support her and let her know that it is okay for her to speak up. If her boyfriend is crazy enough to humiliate her in front of everyone, there’s no doubt about him hurting her in private. She is most probably in a toxic relationship.
People in toxic relationships often do not realize it, and even when they do, they find it very difficult to leave. It can be an excellent thing to comfort her and let her know that she has a true friend in you. If needed, help her seek professional help and get her in touch with organizations and people who work towards helping the victims come to terms with the reality, gain strength, come out of it and heal.
I hope this blog provided you with the answers you were looking for. If you want to hang out with a girl who has a boyfriend, you can! Friendships aren’t exclusively for singles. If you are already friends with her or want to initiate a friendship because you think she would be an amazing friend, then sure! Go ahead. If, however, you want to hang out with her with hidden intentions, maybe give it another thought. Reconsider. Whatever you decide to do, I hope that it goes well!
Happy hanging out.
