You are out on a date with your new boyfriend. He asks you if you are enjoying the day. You smile and nod, yet you know you are not. You are still thinking about your ex, about the times you spent with him, and the dates you both went out on.
Breaking up with a partner we have once loved and spent beautiful moments with is never an easy task. Even when they are not in our lives anymore, our brain keeps reminding us of how they used to behave with us, how we felt them in our arms, how they smiled when we acted silly. It makes us doubt ourselves and feel as if we are doing something wrong.
If you have eventually found your way to this page, then maybe you’re also going through such a complicated mental state. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It is pretty normal for many women not to be able to get over their Ex.
According to a study, approximately 73% of women can’t get over their ex even after six months of their breakups. If you’re one among them, don’t worry. In this blog, I’m going to help you to find an answer to all your confusion.
So, first, you simply want to know If you cannot get over your ex even though you have a new boyfriend, what does it mean. Look, it means that there hasn’t been enough time. Relationships change us. Being with someone becomes a habit, and the memories don’t just vanish in a snap when we break up with them. It may sound cliché, but it is the truth that time is the best healer. Everyone heals at a different rate, and it is absolutely okay to take your time.
Yeah, I understand, just that that single paragraph isn’t enough to heal the confusing state of mind, you’re currently dealing with. Below, I’m going to present a detailed discussion about the reasons why you can’t get over your ex and how you can do it no matter how impossible it may seem.
Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? (Possible Reasons Why)
Different people can have various reasons for not being able to move on. Understanding what is causing you to feel stuck and stopping you from getting over your ex can help you handle the situation well and fix it. So, let’s closely understand the potential reasons why you may not be able to get over your ex.
It Hasn’t Been Long Enough
Our brains are wired in a way that it takes a lot of time for a habit to form and even longer for it to break. When we are with someone, they become a big part of our lives. We start to notice their likes and dislikes, what they love eating, what they are allergic to, what makes them happy, and the little things they find annoying.
The more time we spend with someone, the more we get habituated with them. And just because we have now chosen to go our separate ways doesn’t mean the habits would cease to exist in a day. It may take days, weeks, and maybe even months to push them to the back of our minds and get over them completely.
If you are not able to get over your ex, maybe it hasn’t been long enough. Yes, your friend took only a few days to move on after her breakup, and she seems to be doing so well. But everyone is built differently! You need to give yourself more time and space. As time passes, old habits and memories will be forgotten.
If it hasn’t been long enough, it is possible that the only reason you entered another relationship is to rebound from your past. In which case, you may not really have any such feelings for your current boyfriend, and everything he does may keep reminding you of your ex.
You Didn’t Want To Break Up
You didn’t want to break up. You were still very much in love. Things got messy, and breaking up was the only option. Maybe it wasn’t even your decision. Your ex decided he wanted to move on and broke up with you.
In that case, not being able to get over him is understandable. As you didn’t actually want the breakup, a part of your subconscious mind is still living with that phase with your ex-boyfriend. Don’t worry; it’s not something too complicated to be resolved. If you start working on it now, indeed, it will take time, but I can assure you, you’ll eventually get over your past. It is okay to take your time. Do not rush things.
You Are Still Hoping For A Reunion
Maybe you still don’t understand his reasons for breaking up with you. You were angry and entered another relationship to make him feel jealous and to piss him off. But this relationship is not what you really want. You just want to get back together with your ex. Or maybe even though you are trying to forget your ex and move on, a part of you is still hoping that he would come back, accept his mistakes, and you both would reunite.
In this situation, it’s pretty normal not to be able to get over your ex. He’s not even your EX in a true sense. No matter how much effort you put into your new relationship, your heart is still beating for him.
Certain Things Have Had A Deep Impact On You
Often when people who have been in abusive or torturous relationships for a long time come out of it, they find it very difficult to adjust to this new reality. If your ex was a narcissist, it is possible that you may have faced manipulation, invalidation, mental/ emotional/ physical abuse in the relationship. These things can result in traumas and trauma bonds that are not easy to heal.
If your ex cheated on you, if he repeatedly lied to you and hurt you, if you suffered severely in that relationship, it is normal for you to be scared and find it hard to let yourself trust again. Maybe you keep thinking about your ex, but not in a positive way. Maybe every good thing that your new boyfriend does reminds you of the bad memories of your ex, and you find it hard to trust that things won’t go wrong this time.
What Should I Do About It?
Hopefully, now you’ve understood the points that are keeping you from getting over your ex. But the thing that is still not clear is the next course of action. What should you do next? Should you try and put effort into getting over your ex, or Will it be faded away with time? Look, it all depends on the reason why you’re not being able to get over your ex. If you have an idea of what keeps you from getting over your ex, you can then decide what to do next.
Decide What You Truly Want
Do you need some more time? Do you want to give yourself a few months and see how it is going to be? Maybe you have realized that you and your ex are still in love with each other, and you want to go back to him. Or maybe moving forward is the only way, and you just want to get over your ex quickly.
Decide what you truly want for yourself. Be honest and allow yourself to see things as they are. And once you have decided what to do next, stay determined and follow it.
Give Yourself Time
Giving yourself enough time is the most important thing to do after every breakup. No matter how much necessary the separation was, you must remember you’ve been in that relationship for quite a long time. Because of that, the breakup will take time to heal. You need to give yourself that much time. Many women jump into other relationships after going through a breakup just to get over their past. It is never advisable. This way, you’re not only trying to take shortcuts, but also you’re using another person who has nothing to do with your past.
However, you have come to a relationship and finally want to stay with the new boyfriend, maybe you just need some more time to cope up. Give yourself a few more weeks to adjust and adapt. Get yourself involved in things you have always enjoyed doing. You can join dance classes, buy yourself a new set of colors, create a masterpiece, or finally start learning French. As you get busy with different things and as you find your happiness again, you will see that you have stopped thinking continuously about the past and are finally moving on.
If You Want To Go Back…
You have broken up with your ex. You have a new boyfriend. Maybe your ex has a new partner as well. But something doesn’t feel right. Perhaps you both never wanted to break up. Perhaps you both are still in love with each other. You have tried to move on, but your happiness lies in going back.
You have decided that you can’t continue like this, and you want to go back to your ex. In this case, you need to talk to your ex as well as your partner and be very honest. Ask your ex if he feels the same about you. Ask him if he wants to get back together. Resolve the issues between you both before taking the next step.
Talk to your current boyfriend and tell him what you feel. Maybe he will understand; maybe he will be hurt. But it is always better to know the truth than to live with a lie. Resolve all the issues, and then you may get back together with your ex. However, make sure to have a mature conversation with him first to never repeat situations like this.
If You Want To Finally Move On
There is no point in going back. You have realized that. You know that you don’t really love your ex or feel anything anymore for him. It is just the memories of your times together that you haven’t been able to let go of. But you are ready now, and you want to finally move on and get over him as soon as possible. You’ve to follow a few steps thoroughly if you genuinely want to get over the confusing situation you’re currently dealing with.
How To Get Over My Ex?
Here are my recommendations for you!
Cut Ties / Distance Yourself from Your Ex
You are trying to move on, but the moment you see a text from your ex, all the beautiful memories and emotions come back. Maybe you both are on talking terms, and you find yourself waiting for his calls or texts. Perhaps you both have a lot of mutual friends, and you keep meeting him every now and then.
If being in contact with him is making it harder for you to get over him and move on with your life, you need to maintain distance yourself from him. It may seem difficult at first, but believe me, it will allow you to stop thinking about him, expecting things from him, and doing something only for the sake of making him jealous.
Get Rid of His Gifts/Belongings
If you are still holding on to his belongings, his gifts, his letters, and cards, it’s time to get rid of those! Get yourself a new coffee mug and throw his one out, buy yourself a new cozy hoodie and get rid of his one. The more you cling to things that remind you of him, the harder it will be to get him out of your mind and move forward with your life.
Take a break from social media, revamp your room. Get new sheets and change the look of your room entirely. Visualize a life and a beautiful future for yourself without him in the picture.
Feel Yourself and Give Time To Heal
Instead of trying to drown his memories in alcohol or taking the help of drugs and other such things, allow yourself to feel your soul. Running away from it is not going to help. If certain emotions come up, observe them and try to make yourself understand that it’s normal for those to come up. Talk to yourself and allow yourself to heal.
Say you order a pizza, and you remember how you both used to enjoy eating it together. If that makes you sad and you just want to throw it away, tell yourself that it is just a pizza. A pizza you have always loved eating. And it is still as delicious, and you should enjoy it anyway. Enjoy it and create new memories with it!
*If you have suffered a lot in your past relationship and are finding it hard to deal with things, ask for help. Talk to your loved ones or get help from a professional.
Focus on Living in The Moment
When you’re lost in your thoughts, you cannot enjoy the present moment. Instead of thinking about the past, live in the moment. Focus on things you are doing, be it just making a cup of coffee or going out on a trip with your friends.
Whenever you find yourself thinking about your ex, bring your attention back to the present moment. You can also practice mindfulness and meditation to help you with it.
Spend Time Doing Things For Yourself
Self-love is the most excellent medicine. Spend time understanding yourself and your needs better. Take yourself out on dates, buy yourself a bouquet of flowers, or a big bar of chocolate. Or go watch movies with your friends, maybe visit theme parks or museums.
Do things that make you happy and fill your mind with joy. Catch up with old friends, pick a new hobby, read a good book. Love yourself.
Spend More Time With Your Boyfriend
You have a boyfriend who loves you and cares about you. You like him as well and want to continue with him. In that case, spending more time with him and focusing on building a beautiful and strong connection with him would definitely help. As you feel more connected with him, getting over your ex would become much easier.
I hope this blog provided you with the answers you were looking for. If you aren’t able to get over your ex despite being in a new relationship, give yourself some time and don’t be too hard on yourself. And I always suggest that if things start becoming too messy, you can always try seeking professional help. Person-to-person interaction with them will not only help you get over this worse state of mind, but it will also help you to calm down and relax your mind at least a little bit.
So, never forget to love yourself. Spread love and stay loved—happy moving on.
