My Best Friend Is Dating My Ex Behind My Back [Solved]

Talking with your best friend can make things easier. Since you’ve already broken up with your ex, you can’t control his movements. But you can talk to your friend and listen to her viewpoint also. Assumptions can mislead hence having a conversation is the most suitable way.
Ahiri Chakraborty
A girl is sitting at her desk and saw some photos of her best friend in a social media feed
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The reality of love life is a bit harsh. It does not always go you planned. It follows its sweet path and leads you to a destination that is beyond your imagination. Sometimes the destination is what you dreamt of, and sometimes it's just a horrible nightmare. 

You have to accept the truth that some relationships have happy endings, and some do not have that. Moving on is an important part when a relationship breaks up. Although this is a very difficult part, life goes on. You will find a companion who will understand you and stand by you; you just need to be patient. 

But when does it become even more difficult? When you try your best to stay strong and fight with your mental status every day, another shock blows your mind. Your best friend, your beloved buddy, your confidante, starts dating your ex. The person who gave you a tough time and put an end to your dream world is now dating your closest friend and that too behind your back.

It’s not just the end of your relationship, but also a friendship that was very dear to your heart. For a moment, you feel that the whole world is crushing in front of you. 

Before we find out what your plan of action should be or how you can cope with this situation, let us address some other questions that are puzzling your mind like anything. 

How To Find Out That Your Best Friend Is Dating Your Ex Behind Your Back?

Here we are talking about not just any friend, but your best friend. So, it's obvious that you two are very close and probably know everything about each other. But love can make people do even the craziest thing. And that’s why your best friend chose to keep this a secret from you. 

But there is always a way to find these things out, and secrets can't be kept under the carpet for a long time.  

Here are some signs that will help you find out what’s happening behind the curtain. 

  • Your best friend calls you less. Rember the time, when two kept on talking for hours and hours. And even your breakup, they were the ones who would call you to keep your mind distracted. Now, the calls rarely happen, and it's only for a few minutes, even if they happen. Your bestie calls you just to catch up with you, and there is no chit-chat or fun talk involved in this. 
  • You don’t get to meet your best friend at all. The hangouts at Starbucks or window shopping at malls have completely stopped. She hardly has time for you and meets you very little. Only you are always willing to meet and not the other way round. 
  • Your bestie is always giving you lame excuses. If you call her, and she doesn't pick, if you plan something with her, and she always dumps you at the last moment with lame excuses, then surely something is cooking behind your back. Obviously, this was not the usual scene just a few days back. 
  • You would notice changes in her behavior. Whenever you two are together, she will hide her phone from you. Earlier you would even know her password. You literally could have had her phone in your hand and scroll through her texts and gallery. But now, she keeps it hidden from you.
  • You would find that she always tells you to move on and go for another relationship. Initially, you might think that she is doing it for your good, but you would realize she is becoming too pushy and desperate after a point. She is even searching for potential guys for you online even though you are not interested. 
  • Your best friend keeps on praising your ex too much. This is certainly surprising for you. Even when she knows why you two broke up and nows your mental condition, she keeps saying good things about your ex and points out your mistakes. 
  • She becomes less active on social media. You would hardly see her posting or putting up stories because she wants to keep this under a wrap. 
  • If any other common friend is aware of this thing, you would observe that she will not hang out with two of you simultaneously. She will avoid any parties where there is a chance that the common friend spills the tea. 
  • You get to know from your ex’s friend. Often, couples become friends with their partner’s friend too. And if you have a similar situation, then you will straight away know from your ex’s friend what’s going on. 

You are supposed to know if your best friend is in a relationship. You also told her this when you started one. But her suspicious behavior is an indication that she is in a relationship with your ex. 

What Should You Do When Your Best Friend Is Dating Your Ex Behind Your Back?

It’s going to be a tough time when you find out the truth. The truth becomes all the more difficult to bear when you get to hear from anyone else and understand that your bestie has been fooling you the whole time. It's a complicated situation for you. 

  • Keep your calm:

You can be very impulsive at this point. You’re already going through a vulnerable moment, so doing something out of emotional urge is pretty common. But it would be best if you kept yourself calm and composed. Don’t do something stupid like calling out your ex on social media or showing in front of his college gate. Take some time to comprehend the whole situation. 

Tip: Keep your phone switched off for some days.

  • Talk to your other close friend:

I’m sure you have other close friends too. Go and have a conversation with that friend. Tell them what you’re going through and ask for help. Your friend will have a solution to soothe your mind and ease your pain. 

  • Keep yourself busy:

Keeping yourself busy is the only way to keep your mind diverted from all the things happening around you. Do what you love to do. Pick up a hobby, or watch movies. Your mind will be in much more peace. 

  • Take a tour:

Nothing but only traveling can clear your head. So go for that long wanted trip that you’ve wished for. Put a tick mark on your bucket list. A tour will allow some me-time for yourself and would be able to reflect better on the situation. You will handle the situation with more maturity. 

  • Ask your best friend:

Rather than building up many assumptions, directly talk to her. Tell her that you know what’s going on and you want an explanation from her. She owes you an explanation. After all, you were hurt by this person. You confessed everything about your relationship to your best friend, but she betrayed you. Confront can be difficult, but it's better to take up this challenge than mourn for the situation. 

  • Take some time off from social media:

When you see your bestie’s posts, happy Instagram stories, it can make you sad even more. You will always have an urge to open social media, scroll through mindlessly and stalk your best friend's and your ex’s profile to find out something. This will only increase your mental stress. So go for a social media detox. 

  • Meet your best friend:

If calling up is not a good option for you, then plan a meeting with your bestie. Pretend that you don’t know anything, and it's just a casual meet-up between you two. Once you meet, confront her. Tell her that you’re upset because she hid from you, that she broke the trust of this friendship. 

  • Give your bestie some time:

If you’ve found out via someone else, then wait for your bestie to come up to tell you. Maybe she is waiting for the right time to tell you. She also knows that her action might have upset you, and she is guilty of that. But give her a chance to explain herself. 

  • Try to move on:

Holding onto your past will not help you anyway. Eventually, you have to move on. So trying to do that as early as possible. Even you have had any plans for reconciling with your ex; you must put a halt to that thought. Clearly, he has moved on and started dating your bestie. So there's no point waiting for him. Also, it's better to move on than to build up grudges on your friend. Accept the fact, and you’ll lead a happy life soon. 

  • Confess your feelings to your best friend:

Tell her that you know and how you feel right now. Since she has been a friend of yours, she would also understand your perspective. Tell her that you did not expect such behavior from her and how you two can mend the friendship again. Set some ground rules like - your best friend won’t talk about her current relationship with you, you too will not ask her anything. 

  • Mend your friendship:

Everything is fair in love and war, and your best friend is dating your ex here. Yes, she could have told you the truth, but people make mistakes when they’re in love. When you see that your bestie is genuinely happy with your ex, you should not break their relationship. Rather have a clear conversation with each other, promise not to break trust once again, and mend the friendship. 

  • Warn your best friend: 

If your ex was a toxic person, if your ex cheated on you, then you must warn your best friend at least once. Although you’re hurt, you don’t want your best friend to go through the same kind of mental trauma once again. 

What Should You Not Do When Your Best Friend Is Dating Your Ex Behind Your Back?

There are certain things from which you should totally keep yourself away. 

  • Do not contact your ex. If you two ended on a bad note, and you know there's no chance of giving this relationship another go, then don’t contact your ex when you find your best friend is dating him. Definitely, your best friend was interested too, and that’s why tool this decision. Contacting your ex won’t bring any solution. 
  • Do not take revenge. You’re already under mental stress. Taking a step like revenge on your ex or your bestie will only toss your mind. So don’t plan anything impulsive that can hurt your bestie and you to lose your sanity and respect. 
  • Don’t abuse your best friend or your ex on social media. Never make this personal issue become a topic of conversation on social media. Don’t lash out against them in public. 
  • Don’t accuse your best friend. Yes, she made a mistake by not telling you the truth. But she was taking her time too. So, don’t bad mouth her or insult her in front of your other friends. 
  • Don’t create problems between them. You don’t want to be that person who causes problems in other people’s lives. It’s your best friend’s decision, and you should not interfere in this. Clearly, she did not want you even to know. So, don’t even try to mess up their relationship. 

Should My Best Friend Date My Ex?

There is no hard and fast rule in love and relationships. People are driven by their emotions than rational when they’re in love. So, you can’t say this is wrong or right.

At the end of the day, it’s your best friend’s decision. There must have been a reason that you two broke up. And your ex surely did not want to give your relationship a second chance as he has moved on. Your best friend can find your ex charming; she might not see the flaws you saw. It’s completely her choice to go on with the relationship even when she knows that yours did not work out. 

To keep things comfortable, she can and should tell you the truth and do nothing behind your back. Also, setting some boundaries can keep your friendship smooth too. 

As a friend, at the most, you can advise if your ex was really a bad person. But it would help if you never forced her. Give her the pros and cons of dating that guy, and let her make the decision. 

If you see your best friend is happy with your ex, and probably your ex has changed, and both of them are doing great, then accept it and support her in her choice. 

Final Words:

When your best friend comes to tell you the truth, it will be a shock for you. Take some time from your friend. Don’t pretend that you’re extremely happy. Or don’t react very sadly too.

Keep yourself calm and tell your friend that you respect her choice no matter what it is. Also, if you feel that your friend does not keep the friendship either, don’t force her. Slowly detach yourself. Everyone showed their true colors eventually. 

You better move on. You will certainly find a much better companion who will never break your trust. And, trust is the basis of all kinds of relationships- be it friendship or a romantic relationship. 


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